47: texting

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I highly suggest a very slow-scrolling method where you can't see the next line until you're ready for it for reading this. There are no pictures on purpose.

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 Marie

thank you for your help today

     I smile after I send the text to Jesse. Then, I take a look around my dark apartment.

     What a day!

     I'd hated that feeling of fear when Simon had come on way too strong like he did. Something about him just set off too many warning bells. I have a bad feeling he wouldn't have backed down easily if Jesse hadn't have come along.

     How on earth does Jesse have this knack for showing up at just the right/wrong times? I think as I put on my pajamas and go brush my teeth. He wouldn't rest until Simon got fired.

     I'm glad that jackass Simon admitted to what had happened with Bernadette so that I wouldn't have to tell Bryce myself, making it look like I was making the whole thing up.

      When we'd finished closing up tonight, Bryce had told me that he would call Jones and me later to schedule a meeting about plans for the bar's future. I have no idea what I could contribute to such a meeting, but since I'm now one of TWO employees, I guess I could at least sit in on it.

     My phone lights up and vibrates on my bedside table, and I walk over to pick it up.

You're very welcome

     I smile. He must've waited until he got home to text me back. I don't know if I should be irritated at the little thrill feeling I have going through me or not. Well, I don't suppose I can get rid of it easily, so I'll decide to like it.

     I think if it weren't for Jesse, today could've been a really bad day. I decide to say something nice.

i'm glad you didn't give up like i did.

I don't give up easily.

    He answered me almost immediately! He doesn't give up easily? Why do I get the feeling there's another meaning to that?

i've noticed.

 Have you?

    I wish my stomach would settle down already... or whatever that is. I haven't felt like this since Dawson told me he'd always loved me.

     I don't know how to answer Jesse's question.

Because I'm not giving up on you.

     I gasp and stare at my phone in shock. Now, I REALLY don't know what to say.

     Still, I like what he just said, and since he's not standing right here in front of me, I can go ahead and admit that to myself without worrying about giving anything away.

     Since I feel safer, I decide to try to keep going.

that's a very nice thing to say.

I'm very glad you think that's nice, but tell me how it's nice so I can keep being nice. ;)

       He just winked at me through a text.

what do you mean?

      Just what kind of 'nice' is he talking about?

Tell me some way to help you.

time

     My phone stays silent for several minutes. I can only guess he's given up with this conversation. I'm sorry, Jesse. I just need time. Please! Yes, okay, I like you, but I'm afraid of being hurt again.

Anything during that time?

     I let out a huff. I don't know!

i don't know

Texting is okay?

     Again, I don't know what he means. Not all texting is okay.

nice texting is okay

     I decide that that's a safe answer since I don't want to ask him what he means again.

It's nice of me to say you have beautiful eyes.

     My heart dips down into my stomach and then jumps up to my throat. Why didn't I anticipate something like that? Of course he's going to use whatever loophole he can find.

Because you do

       He didn't even give me a chance to respond!

thats not reallt wht i ment!

    My stupid hands are shaking, and I hit send before I could correct my typos.

Saying you have beautiful eyes isn't nice? I thought it was.

 not that kind of nice

So, I'm not allowed to nicely tell you you have beautiful eyes.

    

     I let out an irritated growling noise and shake my phone like I'm wringing his neck. I sit here and debate how to answer him. On the one hand, it's just a compliment. On the other, it's flirting. I can picture the ridiculous grin on his face since he knows I'm squirming. In the meantime, my phone lights up again.

Am I allowed to tell you I love the sound of your voice when you say my name?

     I gasp. I feel like he just mumbled that right into my ear! 

no

Awwwwwwww

i mean friendly nice

Compliments aren't friendly? I was just being nice-nice I guess.

      What the hell is nice-nice?

     This man will probably never leave me alone now that he has my phone number. I don't quite know how I feel about that.

maybe i shouldn't have handed you my phone

I'm glad you did.

i should be sleeping right now

I'm glad you're not. Are you sleepy?

not anymore

     Oh! Crap! I think real fast. He's going to run with that.

well then, what do you want to do?

     Nothing that you're thinking if I'm guessing correctly. Nice try, Jesse.

sleep

I could call you and sing you a lullaby.

     Oh no, no, that's the last thing I need is to sit here on my bed and listen to your voice. I'm already 'hearing' it enough in my head.

no, that's okay.

you sure? Oh, you'd rather I do it in person?

     As in, come over? No! I think in a mild panic.

no! no thank you

oh. right. nice texting

     I take a deep breath and wonder if he's tired.

aren't you sleepy?

Nope. There's nothing I'd rather do than nice texting with you.

      I actually let out a laugh. That was so cheesy! Oh, I'll bet there are things you'd rather do...

right. (sarcasm)

Sarcasm isn't very nice.

You think there's something I'd rather do?

for one, you mentioned the lullaby

You said you didn't want that, so neither do I.

     That would be sweet if I believed him.

don't lie

me lie? No. I don't want to push you.

      You don't?

      Brave. Maybe stupid. Whatever it is, I can't believe the idea that comes to me.

what would you do if you could?

      Stupid, Marie! You know exactly what he'd do if he could.

      Several minutes go by, and I'm guessing he's trying to figure out how to answer the question. That, or he's hopefully gone to sleep. My biggest fear is that he's concocting a very long reply.

I'd start by continuing with the nice-nice compliments like your beautiful eyes and voice. But then, since I'm pushing you, I'd move on from that and tell you what I'd like to do to you right now.

      I drop my phone, swear, and work on trying to get it to turn back on. Heaven knows what that man has started spouting without me telling him to cool it. Finally, I get it to turn back on, and I, sure enough, have a text waiting:

did I lose you?

i'm here. okay. don't be dirty.

There is nothing dirty about any of this

      I sit here and try to digest what he said and what he might mean. I have to put my phone down before I drop it again because my hands start shaking again.

you said 'okay' so I can only guess you want to know what I'd do.

I'd much rather come over and show you.

      I take in a huge amount of air in shock. Why does he keep wanting more when I told him I wanted nice texting only!

no thts not wht i ment!

     What is it with my hands and the 'a' button? Also, my shaking hand hit send out of habit.

oh no. I'm sorry.

I'm good at screwing up.

I'll let you go to sleep now.

i meant 'okay' like it's okay. you didn't screw up

     He may be pushing me a little, but I also don't want him to feel bad. I also secretly admit to myself that I'm liking this texting back and forth, and I don't want that to end just yet.

No, I said I wouldn't do that and then I went and did it and esp after the day you just had.

      Does he think that just because the day was awful that I'm going to let it affect everything else like right now? He made it better anyway.

the day ended good

I hope I had something to do with that

you had everything to do with that.

     Oh, that was brave. Still, now that I know he won't take it too far, I feel happy I said that.

     My phone stays quiet for a little longer than normal before the next text shows up:

I want to make all your days start and end good

      I want to start crying. How does he do this to me? How does he know just the right things to say? Because he's had a lot of practice, Marie, being a womanizer and all.

      What do I say to that?

      I decide to ask.

why do you say things like that?

Because you're letting me

      I wish these stupid butterflies in my stomach would calm down! Just as I get my breathing and stuff under control, he pulls out something like that.

you've had a lot of practice with this

      There. In one sentence, I put down my fear. It's easier to do it this way when I can sit and think about what exactly to say.

Not really. I'm just saying some of what I'm thinking.

some

      It's almost a question.

You asked me to wait on the other stuff

      Of course, now I want to know what else he's thinking.

      It's really like he's here right now, saying these things to me instead of just texting them. It's like he's mumbling them right into my ear.

      This feeling is so powerful that I actually turn off the lights and close my curtains for fear that he can see me. Then I have a seat on the couch.

are you at home right now?

     My paranoia starts eating at me.

yes. I'm sitting in my bed.

Why? Would you rather I was there?

      There it is again - him asking to come over.

no

    Oh wait! Does that sound bad?

    I can almost see his face fall, and I hate that. He looks so silly when he smiles. Good silly.

stop frowning

     I get a little worried that I guessed incorrectly, and now he's going to make something of it.

Are you hiding somewhere that you can see me?

i guessed

because I feel like you're here

      Oh holy crap! So I'm not the only one.

I wish you WERE here, not for anything you might think, but just here.

     I take a deep breath and try to calm my shaking. Why does he keep asking for physical when emotional I can barely handle? Not for anything I might think? What does he mean exactly? Why?

because I like being near you

      I cover my mouth with my hand. Did he just read my mind?

      Me too, Jesse, I think as I remember how much easier things got once he showed up at the bar tonight. I guess if I have to have a hero sometimes, I'm glad it's him.

       My hands shake a little as I type up my next text:

i felt better tonight after you showed up

      There. That puts it in a way that I can handle.

I'm so happy you said that.

     I can picture him looking at his phone with that same look in his eyes he had yesterday, well, day before yesterday, when he told me he has feelings for me.

Marie I'm about 3 seconds from driving over there

     I sit upright real fast.

no. i can't handle that.

i'm sorry.

      I lean over and bury my face into the couch cushions, trying not to cry. I just met him, and he's getting too close. This is just a game to him, but it isn't to me. That's why he keeps asking for physical.

I'll still see you tomorrow, right?

      Oh no. How am I going to handle tomorrow after all this?

      Tough it out, Marie. Keep him at arm's length.

i said i'd come so i'll be there

     I'm getting very sleepy.

Then I'll go to sleep so tomorrow gets here faster.

Goodnight Marie.

goodnight Jesse

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There were no pictures with this update because I felt they would've ruined the feel of it. (as in -- text only hehe)