I haven't had an actual girlfriend in years. In my own mind, Jennifer
was, but it turned out she wasn't thinking the same thing. Ginger and I
almost dated... same thing with Lynne, but those died before they
started. I'm still a little shocked Ginger and Desmond got together. I
guess insanity loves company.
Bryce says he wasn't surprised since he'd catch looks from one to the other. How did he see that and not me?
Still, good that they're together. It sucks to be alone.
I thread my hands into her hair. The way she has it fixed prevents me
from running them through it, so I work on undoing it while my lips
never leave her mouth.
"Is kissing still too fast?" I ask.
"No. I don't know why I said yes to that. Maybe because of it leading
to everything else with you," she says and then acts like she wants me
to stop talking.
Finally, I get her hair down, and I sigh with relief when I pull my fingers through it.
Doing what I do best, I work on testing the limits she wants to place
upon me. I move my hand from her hair to her shoulder down her side.
She let me do it before, I think as I slip my hand under her shirt.
Before I can get my hand to her breast, she reaches up to stop it. I make what I hope is a cute whine while she holds my hand.
"That's too fast?" I ask.
"Yes."
"But you let me before."
"It went too far before."
"You liked it though," I point out gently and start kissing her neck. "It felt good, right?" I ask, sounding unsure of myself on purpose. I work my hand free and stroke her face.
"Yes, but I wasn't prepared for it."
"That's part of what makes it good." I deliberately move my hand to the inside of her thigh and start moving it up.
"Jesse..." she warns.
"I like making you feel good," I say seductively while I slowly move my hand northward."
"You're pushing me."
Crap.
I freeze my hand where it is and close my eyes to take a deep breath. "I would love to run my tongue where my hand is now, but I'm positive that's going too far."
"Definitely not simple," she says breathlessly. I have to be seriously turning her on.
I lightly squeeze her thigh and run my thumb back and forth, watching her expression.
I have to stop. I have to stop. I have to stop, I think in rapid succession.
"You have no idea how hard it is for me to move slow," I whisper.
"I think I do," she whispers back. I still haven't moved my hand, and I know it's driving her insane.
"If you'd let me, I could go ape-shit crazy, and I can
guarantee you'll like it."
Her breathing hitches a couple of times, and I inch my hand higher.
"That's not something simple," she says quietly, and I close my eyes really tightly.
This is so fucking hard! Yes, it's fucking hard.
But this is how it has to be with her.
"Did one of them do something bad to you? Did they force you to do something you didn't want to do?" I ask, trying to get to the bottom of why she wants to take it so slow.
"No... other than trying to guilt me into sex, no," she answers, probably wondering where those questions came from.
Depending on how bad the guilt trip was, that might be a clue. I need to be better than that
. I fucking love her. I'd love to show her how much in my favorite way, but maybe stopping myself now will pay off later. Maybe stopping now can be a way to show her as well.
It'd better. I'm going to go crazy. I move my hand off of her thigh, and she noticeably relaxes.
She curls into me again, and I want to scream from the boiling desire in my veins. I don't think I've ever had to work so hard at my self-control than right at this moment. Every second I have to fight the urge to seduce her. I know I could do it too.
I lean her back a little and reach up to cup her face with my free hand.
Don't ruin it, Jesse.
She looks back at me sleepily while I run my fingers across the planes of her face. Her eyes close, and I kiss her lips once.
"Let me stay," I beg quietly.
She takes a breath and says, "I want you to, but only if you can control yourself."
"I'll figure it out," I say resolutely. Then I pick her up and carry her to her bedroom and gently place her on her bed.
She requests a minute to change into some pj's, so after I get her her nightshirt, I walk out of the room for a minute to take off my shirt, shoes, and socks.
I re-enter the room after knocking softly and get permission to enter.
Wordlessly, I walk around to the other side of the bed and pull her into my arms after I lie down. After a few torturous hours, I finally fall asleep.
Marie
I wake up to a large hand running up and down my hip and thigh. With every pass it makes, my nightshirt inches up to my waist.
My eyes open fully when Jesse's hand travels underneath my shirt to the dip in my waist. Warning bells sound the alarm just before Jesse crashes his lips into mine.
I hear myself whimper as his arms enfold me. I have no idea what time it is, but I can tell it's still dark outside.
Jesse groans before he says, "You're so fucking beautiful. Dammit! I have to..." He slides downward with another groan. "I have to..."
"Jesse?"
"...this," he finally finishes before he starts licking my hip where his hand had traveled earlier.
"Ha-a-a-a-a-a-ah." I make the strangest noise as his tongue circles around all over my hip and thigh. The area is already sensitive from his hand rubbing it earlier.
This is so strange! Why do I like it so much?! I think as I think how he could do this anywhere, and it would feel as good.
He inches up my shirt and starts licking my stomach.
"You're going to lose control," I pant out.
"I'm already gone," he groans as I expect him to move northward to my breasts, but he surprises me by going south instead. He moves my uninjured leg, and that places his head square between my thighs.
I gasp as he moans simultaneously, trying to taste me through my panties.
"Ah! Jesse!" I cry out as I try to roll away to my side.
I swear he sounds just like a wild animal as he growls when his hands grab my hips and keep me in place.
The wild animal disappears as he begs, "Oh, Marie! I haven't had it in
so long! Please, daddy only wants a little taste!" he begs, sounding like he's going out of his mind.
He's already gone. Now, I understand what he really meant.
My heart races out of control as Jesse moves way too fast for me, pulling my panties down. I can't get my arms to obey me because I'm caught up in his tongue's movements. So I have difficulty moving them down to stop him.
I manage it just as he'd started moving his tongue around the waistband of my panties while continuing to pull them off. I grab hold of the waistband and pull them back up.
He lets out this pitiful, heart-breaking cry when I succeed. He sounds like a man truly suffering.
"Marie, your boyfriend is a freak. Oh, if you'd only
let me, the things I could do to you," he moans into my hip socket.
"This isn't what I had in mind when I asked you to stay," I pant, flipping out over what he just said.
"I was doing
so good. Then, I woke up with a gorgeous woman in my arms," he says with his head
still between my thighs. He moans. "I can't stand it! Please, Marie," he cries. Then he turns his head and starts licking the inside of my thigh.
My body screams at me to let him do anything he wants, but my mind is still in panic-mode.
"I'm starving for you," he groans into my thigh. "Please, let me eat you."
I cry out as his fingers start moving against me.
He whispers, "All you have to do...is not stop me...and I can make you feel
soooo good."
I toss my head back and forth, whimpering, wanting to give him what he wants but worried about how things will be afterward.
"Please don't fight me, Marie. I
want to do this for you."
For me?
He knows so much. ... And I know nothing! I think and start really whimpering.
His hand stops, and he's up at my face, kissing my cheek.
"Waaaaay too much," I quietly cry out, desperately trying to catch my breath and gather my wits about me.
"I finally realized that, my love. Trust me, I'll still do it if you want me to...gladly...but not against your wishes," he says lovingly to me, continuing to gently kiss me everywhere.
"Are you back in control of yourself?" I ask, still panting.
"Barely," he says, and to prove it, he settles himself onto my hips, my legs still spread.
Holy mother of fuck! I think, not giving myself time to be shocked at my internal language.
That can't be all him! It's not possible! Our underwear hides much less sensation than having our pants still on like earlier, and Jesse must've taken his pants off sometime while I slept.
"Barely in control, which means not really," He lets out a long sigh when his hips start moving against me. I cry out again, but this time it's more of a passionate plea for more.
It feels...so good.
"You like this," he states. "Don't you." There's the question.
I whimper, afraid to agree with him.
He whispers into my ear, "It's okay to like it, my love."
I can do nothing but pant because I have no idea what to say.
He sounds a little concerned now as he says, "Is this too much too? Do you want me to stop?"
Don't!
"No!" I cry out. "Yes, I like it. Don't stop!"
He takes in a large breath of air and lets it out in a moan as he speeds up. I cry out again, throwing my head back and forth.
"Don't fight it, Marie. Take it, baby. Embrace it. Dammit, I love you," Jesse breathes down to me. Then he kisses me to stop my head's movements. I moan into his mouth.
"Take it."
I'm not sure if it was spoken or my own thought, but I heed the advice.
Everything else dims as my whole focus is what Jesse does to me. His hips start moving in small circles, and I let out a high-pitched whine. The sound is so feminine that it surprises me for half a second before I'm hopelessly lost to sensation again.
I start sighing his name over and over again, hardly aware I'm doing it, but it has to be coming from somewhere.
"Come for me, Marie," he whispers down to me.
"What?" I ask breathlessly. Everything is starting to ball up.
"Come for me," he says a little louder, and I explode at the sound of his voice. Then I do it again as he moans my name.
Jesse
I escape to Marie's shower. I need to wash myself off a bit, but a simple napkin could've done that. However, I feel the need for burning-hot water.
What have I done?
Oh crap! Jesse, you idiot!
"Only if you can control yourself." she said! Only if you can control yourself!
I put my face in my hands.
I can't control myself.
I'm just as bad as the one or ones that pressured her for sex. Sure, I didn't go for sex exactly, but I pressured her to near her breaking point!
I hang my boxers up to dry after washing them off and wrap a towel around my waist.
I have to talk to Marie. Now. Even if she isn't realizing yet that I overdid it.
"Marie?" I ask when I walk into the bedroom.
Holy shit! I mentally exclaim when I see she's removed her nightshirt. She's lying on her stomach, but I see the moonlight on her bare back. I thank God she kept her panties on.
I risk touching her to lightly shake her awake.
Marie
There's stuff on my nightshirt. It's cold.
Oh. From Jesse. Mildly disgusted, I carefully remove the article of clothing. Then, reaching over on my nightstand, I get and take some pain medicine. Next, I roll over onto my stomach. I'm so tired. I can't even begin to think about what just happened.
The next thing I know, Jesse is shaking me awake. I turn around to look at what I can see of him in the moonlight before I remember I'm mostly-naked.
"Jesse?" I ask. He must've showered. I thought he'd only gotten up to use the restroom.
"Yeah," he says. Then he blurts out in an agonizing way, "Marie, I'm so sorry! I'm an asshole that can't control himself! I was wrong to pressure you like that especially after you'd mentioned how
they pressured you. I did no better! I wanted to be better than them, but I let myself get carried away and took advantage of you."
"What?" I ask sleepily. "Advantage? What advantage? Je ne comprends pas, Jesse. I don't understand," I finish.
"You were still groggy from sleep," he says sadly. He reminds me of a scolded puppy. "I used that."
"I said yes," I remind him.
"Only because I made you say it. You said it under duress, and I took it like you'd said it in your right mind."
My hazy brain makes it difficult to think straight. I think my pain pills have started working. Plus, I'm
so tired!
He's so fine, I think and reach out a hand to trace a single finger down the towel covering his leg while I lie here on my stomach. He lets out a shaky breath, and I smile from my sudden feeling of power.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," he warns in a very serious tone. Again, I have the tiger by its tail. I don't remove my hand fast enough, so he snatches it and places it on the bed. "Please accept my apology."
"I don't understand why you apologized." I want to run my fingers through his hair.
He looks at the bedside table. "How long ago did you last take a pill?"
"After you went to the bathroom."
"You have an empty stomach?"
"Oui. Of course I do. It's the middle of the night," I say and stretch like a cat...all except my knee.
He takes a deep breath and stands up to walk over and fumble around at my dresser.
"For the love of God, Marie. Put this on," he says and tosses me a shirt.
I find it funny which one he tossed. "This is the shirt from your store."
"Good. That means it's loose-fitting!" he snarls as he leaves the room.
He walks back in wearing only his pants. I sit up a little in bed and say in a mildly-scolding yet childish voice, "If you didn't want me taking off my shirt then you shouldn't have gotten it messy." I feel very justified by my statement in a silly way.
"Ahbut .... but you ... Hm," he flounders, and I giggle. "You're not yourself."
"Says who?" I challenge, barely getting out the 'wh' sound. He looks adorable standing in my doorway and scratching the back of his head. "Why are you all the way over there?"
"It's safer over here," he points out. His tone is much too serious. Then, he tries again at his apology. "Marie, please forgive me for overdoing it. I can't live with myself otherwise."
"All you did was..." I pause and remember Jesse's agonized voice when his head was between my legs. I remember my feeling of panic and fear.
"But it's what I
wanted to do and tried to pressure you into that's what I really need to apologize for."
"Jesse, I can't think. I think I'm going to be ill." I put my hand on my forehead as the room spins.
In two steps, Jesse is at my side and carrying me in his arms to the bathroom. I hope he can handle the floor rocking back and forth the way it is.
He sits me next to the commode and brushes my hair out of my face.
"How many of those did you take?" he asks, sounding concerned.
"Two."
"What?!"
"It said one to two on the label."
"Because that's for people that have an endurance to it or weigh more!" he lightly scolds.
"I don't feel well," I say. A few seconds later, I have to lean over and be sick in the commode.
Jesse reaches over and holds my hair out of my face.
I'm so embarrassed.
"Well, that'll help make it better," Jesse says soothingly while I sit back down on the cold floor. "I'll be right back," he says.
I lean back against the wall, wishing I could get this taste out of my mouth.
A little while later, Jesse walks back in with a small glass of orange juice. "Here." he says, and I gladly take it from him.
It makes me feel better and gets rid of the bad taste.
Once Jesse knows I'm feeling better, he picks me up off the floor and carries me over to the couch before settling me in his lap.
"You don't have to carry me everywhere, Jesse," I quietly point out.
"Hush, I like to," he says, encouraging me to rest my head on his chest.
I do, and I really like the safe, comforting feeling I have with being in his arms.
"Still feeling better?" he asks after a few minutes of silence.
"Yes," I answer simply.
His hand reaches up and starts running through my hair. I feel sleepy, but I can't sleep. I feel like I'm in a semi-conscious state between awake and asleep. I feel warm. I feel loved. I feel content.
This is coming from Jesse, I think as I fully rest my cheek on his furry chest. My skin feels like it's humming.
"Jesse?" I ask.
"Mm?"
"I forgive you if that's what you need to hear."
"Thank you," he breathes and holds me tighter. "I'm such an asshole."
"No, you're not," I argue and lightly kiss his chest.
"I said I wouldn't."
"It sounds to me like you need to forgive yourself," I say thoughtfully.
"I'm working on it," he mumbles.
"Don't be so hard to yourself."
"I can do better."
I stay quiet and think about what he might be thinking.
"I hope you're not thinking of changing yourself because I don't want you to," I warn.
"If I
don't change at least a little then I will only continue to push you too far."
"Maybe I need a
little pushing," I admit in a small voice.
"A little," he whispers like he's talking to himself, and there's a small tremor that goes through him. He takes a few deep breaths.
He talks a tiny bit louder as he says, "That's not what you said a few hours ago. That's not what I said I'd do. That's not what you agreed to."
"Jesse..."
"No. You said when I asked you if they did something bad to you, you said they pressured you. I don't want to be like them."
After a few minutes, I say, "But a little pushing and too much pressure are different."
"I don't think I can only push a little!" he quietly snaps.
"You did already," I tell him.
He lets out an agonized huff before pulling me up off him and leaning over to kiss me hard. His demanding tongue shoots into my mouth and immediately forces mine to respond to it.
He pulls back and speaks while continuing to kiss my face and neck. "You want me...to not change. You want me to...push a little without pressuring a lot. ...Dear God, Marie!....Do you realize how hard that is?!" Then he doesn't let me answer.
A whimper slips out of me unbidden. He's scaring me a little, but I'm also loving him kissing me this passionately. He responds to my whimper by backing off, acting like he'll stop.
No!
I quickly reach up and hold the back of his neck to me, begging him to keep going. He moans and throws himself back into the kiss as he runs his free hand over the humming skin of my thigh before reaching up under my shirt. Slowly, he moves his hand toward my breast, wordlessly telling me I can stop him if I want. I don't stop him.
He moans when his warm hand finally reaches its destination. Another moan escapes him when he starts kneading my breast while occasionally tweaking and rubbing his thumb across my nipple, driving me wild.
A desperate, wordless plea escapes me as my whole body feels as if it's awakening from a life-long coma.
"It's the medicine. You're not yourself," he says as he suddenly raises his head.
"Non, Jesse." I clear my throat. "You."
"I want to do very non-simple things to you, Marie. Mostly what I wanted to do before," he states with stunning sincerity.
I don't feel positive I understand him, but I let out a shaky breath anyway simply from the hungry look in his eyes.
"But I also don't want to pressure you," he finishes, looking like he's fighting himself.
The sky out the window shows the smallest amount of pink, indicating the sun plans to make an appearance in an hour or so.
"Has anyone ever done that to you before?" he asks, disrupting my distracted mind.
"I'm not positive what you mean," I admit, feeling stupid but bravely forging ahead anyway.
For a moment, he looks like he's trying to figure out how to word something before he finally says, "I want to do this..." His hand flies between my legs into my underwear before his fingers move against me. "...with my tongue," he finishes, his eyes closely watching my expression.
"You're right. That is
very not simple," I shakily agree, not moving his stopped hand.
His hand leaves my panties, and he leans down to kiss me tenderly.
"Let him," my inner voice shocks me.
He pulls back and I questioningly say, "Just not stop you." I'm shaking.
"That's all," he says kindly before kissing me once. "Marie, you don't have to do anything. I don't want you to feel pressured at all. I can live without it. It's not worth losing the chance to just hold you."
I stop him by placing my fingers over his lips.
"For that." I can hardly breathe. "... don't let me stop you."
His eyes zero in on mine, trying to judge my sincerity. I try my best to look like I meant what I said.
Without a word, he stands up and carries me to the bed. This time, I'm glad he carries me because I feel faint.
"I
will stop if you ask me to," he says seriously.
Both of his hands move down my sides as he calmly reaches for the hem of my shirt. Once it's removed, he goes back to kissing me.
"How's your knee?" he asks in a whisper.
"It's fine."
"Good," he says and moves to take my entire nipple into his mouth.
I'm utterly distracted by thinking about what he said he wanted to do that I wish he'd do it now and let me stop having this fear of the unknown going through me, but he appears to be slowly building to it.
I let out a whimper.
"Patience," he admonishes me quietly. My nipple is still wet from his mouth, and he unexpectedly blows cold air onto it.
I gasp and instinctively move away, but he holds onto me and prevents me from doing so. Then he moves to the other breast, sucking the nipple into his mouth and toying with it with his tongue.
Then the bastard blows on that one too.
"Jesse!" I squeak. I see his teeth flash a smile. I gasp and say, "You're laughing at me!"
"No, I'm not," he says. "I'm happy."
"Making me crazy makes you happy?!" I snarl.
He immediately moves up to my face and says, "Yes, because I want you to want this. I want you practically begging me to do it. If I can't get you there then I won't do it because I'll know you weren't sincere."
That calms me down instantly, and he kisses me with languid passion.
"The store doesn't open 'til ten. I have hours," he says, running his fingers across my cheek.
The man got a green light and has decided to crawl across the intersection.
"Hours?" I whine.
"Why? You ready for it now?" he asks right before moving at the speed of light, pulling down my panties a little, and circling his tongue on that sensitive spot and dipping down once.
I cry out from the surprise, and just as I can recover, he stops and smiles up at me.
"Yes, my love. Hours."
I wish I could find the nerve to tell him I want it now, but he's right. I'm a little too nervous.
"Hey, Marie," he pops back up to my face, "guess what?" He kisses me, and he tastes different. "You taste delicious," he finishes.
I am going to faint. Right now.
He watches my face for a second or two before crushing his lips on mine.
I'm too nervous. I want to cry. I don't want to feel nervous like this. You'd think we're about to actually have sex instead of what he wants to do to me. Why does he want to do this to me?
I ask him.
"Because I do. Because I love it. Because I want to hear your beautiful voice screaming my name as I make you feel pleasure you can't even comprehend," he answers me confidently.
"Oh," I answer in a small voice before he kisses me again.
His mouth travels down my neck while his hand moves up to my breast. He dips his head down after pushing my breast up a little with his hand so he can run his tongue along the swell. Then, he circles his tongue around while moving down to my belly before plunging it down into my bellybutton.
I jump in surprise, but he keeps a firm grip on my waist. Real firm. The longer he does it, the more sensitive the spot becomes, and I feel the sensation spread out all over my torso. His hands start massaging my upper hips, the tips of his fingers press into me as they slowly travel lower.
I let out a quick sigh, and he moves down again, having pulled my panties down the smallest bit. He groans and says my name before digging his tongue into my hip socket.
Holy crap! I think as I let out a noise of surprise. He holds me still as what he does feels so strange in a sort of ticklish way. Ticklish, but good.
I whimper and cry and struggle as much as my knee will let me, yet he doesn't stop!
"Jesse, please! I can't take it!" I earnestly beg.
He growls a little and doesn't stop.
"Please please please!" I beg again, and he answers me by pulling my panties down to my knees. I finally get to catch my breath as he lifts his head and carefully guides them past my sprained knee.
I'm completely naked. I realize before I get distracted by the feather-light kisses on my sprained knee.
"Poor knee," Jesse says lovingly, his hand sneaking up and down my inner thigh while he very gently kisses it again. I'm reminded of a magician doing a sleight-of-hand to trick you into watching one thing while the other hand does something else. Jesse moves over to the other knee, now with one conveniently on either side of him.
He's much rougher with this one as he hungrily attacks it. Slowly, he makes his way down my inner thigh. I tense up from how close he is.
Suddenly, he's moved to the back of my thigh. Here also, it tickles a little in a strangely-pleasant way, and I jump and try to get away from him.
"No. No. No," he warns playfully. "You're not going anywhere." He lifts my leg up and moves under it to let his tongue play with the outside of it. As I try to twist away, his hand reaches up to grab my ass.
He moans as he works around my hip, my leg under him now. The hand on my butt starts massaging me, and I can feel his warm breath on my lower abdomen.
"I want it," he moans.
