The shiny tiles under my feet reflect the electric lights
above them, sometimes interrupted by a nurse or someone else walking by. Things
are a lot calmer up here on whatever floor of the hospital this is than they
were down in the ER. Thank goodness we didn't have to stay there.
Nearby, Marie plays with Jer-jer, keeping the child
entertained like a pro, while I sit here, useless.
Bryce is with his sister in her hospital room. It's a small
room, and I didn't want to take up space. Adele has gone back and forth from me
to her aunt, not quite knowing what to do. At first, she tried to help watch
Jeremy but couldn't keep from crying. Marie told her that she'd be fine
watching the toddler.
Back at the house, everything exploded in slow motion as
Simon fought to bring Pamela back around. When he did, her eyes opened wide
with fear, and she gasped out, "The baby!" Then, she fainted again.
Jesse and Bryce decided to drive her here themselves in Bryce's car with Simon holding her, thinking that'd be faster than waiting for an ambulance. The hospital isn't terribly far away from Pam's house. Desmond
and Ginger brought everyone else later. By the time we got here, they'd already
admitted Pam.
Ginger didn't stick around long because she couldn't sit
still and had worked herself into a panic attack. Desmond took her home with a
promise to hear from Bryce or me if anything new had happened. Bryce called most everyone and found out Lynne has left the island for a few days.
I tap my toes on the floor, one foot at a time, while I
wait, scared for Bryce but thinking he doesn't want to see me right now. After
I'd opened my present earlier, he'd opened his, some name brand sunglasses
(that don't reflect back at me), and thanked me with a forced smile, but when
Adele left the room, neither of us spoke. He went upstairs to play on the
computer. Later, on the way to Pam's, he talked to me again, and I thought that
the awkward, stressful moment had ended. But he hasn't spoken to me since.
An exhausted sigh comes from down the hall, and I turn my
head, hoping it's Bryce. It's not. Jesse comes loping towards us, his eyes on
the floor. Mine go back to doing the same.
I listen quietly as Jesse tells Marie, letting me also know,
that Pam got a massive hemorrhage and lost the baby. The doctors say
that she should be fine eventually after plenty of rest. My shoulders slump
with the news, thinking how crushed she must be if she knows. We hadn't known
for sure before what was wrong with her.
"I… offered our help to babysit Jeremy," Jesse
tells Marie like he worries this will upset her.
"At your house?" she asks, not sounding like she
minds.
"No, he said we could go to his since all the stuff is
there," he answers, and I hear Adele next to me.
"Can I go too? I can help watch him," she quietly
pleads, sounding like she's had enough of the hospital.
"Of course you can!" Marie tells Adele brightly.
"We'd love the help. Go tell your dad, though." I love how she makes
it sound like she could really use the help and not suspecting that Adele just
wants to escape.
Marie is great with kids. I don't know how she does it.
"Okay!" she tells my new best friend eagerly and
runs off to tell Bryce.
Jesse acts like his thoughts parallel mine (but obviously in a more romantic way) as he quickly and
passionately kisses Marie. I look away. Then I hear Jeremy babble something to
Marie, and the two of them break apart before she answers the toddler, somehow
knowing what he said.
I should go. Maybe if
Bryce is still mad at me, I could sleep in Adele's room… or on the couch… or go
back to my house… I wipe a tear from my eye before it can roll down my
face.
"Are you okay, Erin?" Jesse asks me. I didn't know
he was looking at me.
No. "Yes. I'm
just tired," I lie quickly.
After a slight pause, Jesse tells us, "I'll be right
back."
"Daddy said I could," Adele announces to him
before he gets very far.
"That's good. I'm gonna talk to him for a sec, run go
get my car, and then we'll go," he responds.
I could walk, I
think in regards to how I'd get back to Bryce's house… or my house. I could call um… Belinda… or somebody.
I miss Bill. I miss my
brother. I could always count on him for stuff like this. I quickly work at
controlling my emotions. I'd called him and Mom earlier while Bryce was
upstairs on the computer, and he'd said he missed me too.
"It'll be okay."
I jump, startled, as Jesse sits next to me and wraps an arm
around my shoulder, giving me a friendly, one-armed hug. Then, they all walk
down the hallway to the exit, Marie saying something about going to the vending
machines for a snack while they wait for Jesse.
As their chatter gets farther and farther away, the scary
almost-silence of the hospital wraps around me like a frayed, tattered blanket.
Desperate for something to do now, I pull out my phone and
check my email. Then, I check Facebook, something I haven't done in a while.
Sean sent me a PM wishing me Merry Christmas, even though I'd un-friended him.
I burst into tears.
What's wrong with me?!
Why am I crying?! So Bryce is mad at me. Things like this happen. It doesn't
mean he hates me.
Pam is going to be
fine.
Does Bryce even need
me right now?
If Bryce needed me to
comfort him about his sister, he'd let me know, but he did nothing but give me
the cold shoulder in the hospital room. Even if it wasn't because he's mad at
me, he still doesn't need me. This isn't about me. He has his own problems and
doesn't want my help.
Why did he have to buy
me jewelry and get it in that sized
box?!
Christmas sucks donkey
testicles!
I bring my lips in and lightly bite down on the inside while
I urgently swing my legs back and forth. My
hands tightly grip the vinyl cushion upon which I sit.
I should go.
After standing up, I make my way to the exit, wondering if I
can catch one of the cabs.
It's okay. It's okay.
I'll go to my house. Bryce can let off steam or do whatever and not have to
worry about pathetic me hanging around, getting on his nerves and making a bad
situation worse with my presence.
"Erin, where are you going?" I hear Bryce ask
behind me a ways.
Short breaths, eyes shut tight, I keep from losing it.
"U-um, ho-ome," I answer, not turning to face him.
Where the fuck is 'home'?
My hands come up, and I run my fingers through my hair. Since Bryce says
nothing else, I start walking again.
"And how are you getting there?" he wonders,
sounding closer.
"I-I don't know. Walk. Maybe get lucky enough to find a
cab. Call Belinda. Something." I keep walking.
"That's fine. I guess you don't have to wait if you
don't want to. I don't blame you."
I let out a huff of air and turn around to face my boyfriend.
He speaks since I don't. "Do you want to grab a bite to eat before you go? I
mean, I know we have that leftover lasagna in the fridge, but it'd be nice to
have something fresher."
Why does that feel
like he just asked me out? Have we gone backwards to that point?
"No. It's okay. I'm not really hungry anyway. I had a
pack of peanut butter crackers from the vending machine earlier."
"Oh. All right. I'll see you later then," he says stiffly, and I walk out of the building into the warm night.
Bryce
My heart aching, I walk to the window and watch as Erin gets in a cab. She'd
mentioned walking, but I wasn't about to let her do that at this hour no matter
how upset she is.
She thought I was going to put her on the spot and ask her
to marry me earlier today! And I very clearly saw her answer: no. It's not like
I didn't know she wasn't ready; she's not. Still, that stung horribly. I had to
go upstairs so I wouldn't say something stupid. She didn't bother following me;
I probably scared her.
I walk back into the hospital room, and Simon lifts his head
up from where he'd apparently had it down on his folded arms. His bloodshot eyes
silently look back at me.
"Hey man, do you need anything?" I ask, hating
seeing the pain and fear on his face. Pam had come close to dying, but those
doctors somehow got everything under control. She's still bleeding, but they
say she's stable.
"No, and you should go," he says, his voice
sounding stronger at the end than the beginning.
"You sure?"
"Yeah. I'm staying." His hand holds hers.
I ask him to call me if anything happens, and he promises he
will. Then I walk out of the room into the quiet hallway.
I could've driven Erin
home after all.
She didn't want to be
around me anyway.
Well… too damn bad
because we're having a talk when I get home. She won't like having that talk,
but I need it after what I saw on her face earlier. I have to find out if she ever plans on getting married, if the idea has ever entered her mind, or if she's just
using me as some boy toy. Not saying get married soon, just ever.
"Erin?" I call out when I walk in the house, and
there's no answer. Did she go to sleep?
She looked tired earlier. Maybe the talk can wait. She really looked upset too.
Wait…
"Erin?" I call out again, this time a little
louder. She doesn't answer as I bound up the stairs two at a time.
When I run into the bedroom, the bed is still made… and
empty.
------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry for the sub-par pictures.
The porch light
isn't on. I knock on the door anyway.
