58: Beyond the Boundaries of Friendship

Adele

    Aunt Pam lets me escape. I think she understands when I say I'm going to go to the snack truck what I'm really going to do.
    Todd had sent me a text asking me to meet him. I ate dinner at Aunt Pam's, but Todd says he's still hungry. His dad gave him a little money to go spend if he would just get lost. His dad's head chef at White Shores resort, and his mom works there too doing something I can't remember.

     I stash my bicycle in the shrubbery, and I see Todd walking up.
     "Are you sure you don't want anything? Dad gave me fifty simoleons," Todd asks me in place of a hello.
      "No. I'm good. You didn't eat dinner at your house?"
      "Yeah, I did, but there's nothing like a greasy hamburger."
       Ew, I think and watch as Todd orders his food. He orders fries as well, claiming that I can eat some if I want. I can't resist, and I get the feeling he didn't order them for himself at all because he only eats two.
      When we both finish eating (I can't believe how much he can eat!), we toss our trash in the bin and have a seat at one of the benches just because.

     The moderately-loud hum of the refrigerator for the truck tries to drown out Todd's voice as he asks, "Does your dad not like me?"
       I turn to look at him with a confused expression on my face as I ask back, "What gave you that idea?"
      "He wouldn't let me go to your aunt's."
      "Oh that. He didn't like you inviting yourself over."
      "Well, I only did that because I didn't think you would invite me. Not that you were trying to be rude or anything. I didn't think you'd think of it."
       I shrug. "I didn't."
       "So, his only problem is that I invited myself over?"
       "I guess so. He didn't say anything else besides that 'because I said so' thing," I say and move my head around on the 'because I said so' part.
       Eduardo told Helen he liked her. Naturally, she's over the moon about it, and he's all she talks about now. It drives me crazy! Can we please talk about something besides boys for a change?! The result of Helen driving me crazy and her wanting to be with Eduardo all the time this past week is that Todd and I have spent a lot of time together. With Helen driving me up the wall, I prefer his company over hers. I can guess he's not going to want to sit and talk about boys all afternoon.
      I wonder if Todd is irritated by Eduardo as much as I am by Helen.

     "Does your dad know you're here?" he asks.
     "My dad's at work. My aunt does," I say, not telling him about how I left out the part that he would be here and that that's the only reason I decided to get out in the first place. If Daddy hadn't have told me no to inviting Todd over, I might not care. What I don't get is why was Daddy willing to let Helen come over and not Todd? Sure, Todd's a boy, but what does that have to do with -
     "I like you, Adele," Todd says quietly to his knees.
     "Yeah, we're friends," I say, assuming that's what he meant.

     I see him turn to look at me out of the corner of my eye.
     "No, I mean like you like you."
     Oh no. Helen was right! I stare down at my shoes while Todd scoots closer the tiniest bit.
      "Eduardo told me I should tell you," he says.
      "Because it worked so well for him," I say dryly.
      "Well, yeah," he says, now starting to sound a little unsure of himself. He scoots a little bit closer again.
      I don't like this feeling going through me right now. Todd is freaking. me. out. I want to get up and leave. I thought Todd was going to be my new friend. There Helen goes acting weird, and I find out Todd is actually pretty cool to hang out with. Now, he obviously wants us to be a couple just like Helen and Eduardo are.
      Todd has the nerve to reach over and hold my hand.
      "Do you-" He starts to ask me something, but I throw his hand off me and get up off the bench.
      I turn to him and hope I don't start crying as I angrily ask, "Why?" I decide I really don't want to hear his answer, and instead, I turn around and run towards the relative, simple calmness of the beach.

    I hear Todd behind me yell, "Wait!"
    I can run faster than him.

     I slow down when I get closer to the water.
     How far away is the mainland? I've never been there. How long would it take me if I swam to it? I bet the sharks would eat me.
      How far away is Mommy? Why did she leave? Why did she want that man more than us?

     I hear Todd running behind me, and I quickly reach up to wipe away my tears before he can get here.

     I turn around to face Todd since there's no real point to running anyway.
     "I didn't mean to freak you out!" he pants.
     "I don't want a boyfriend," I say bluntly.
     "Oh." The small word leaves his mouth in a rush. "I ... just ... Well, I ... Why not?"

     "Because I just want a friend! Helen's gone weird on me, and all she wants to do is talk about Eduardo, and I get so bored with that! I thought we could be friends since you still acted normal. And now-"
     "We can be friends!" he gets in quickly. "Just like before. Pretend I never told you."
     "Pretend?!" I yell, and my hands start feeling hot.
     He flips his hair out of his eyes for a second before he answers, "Yes. I can do it if you can do it. I mean, hey, I've pretty much lost my best friend to your best friend, so that puts us in the same boat right?"
      "But this changes everything!" I complain as heat lightning streaks across the cloudless sky.
      "No. It doesn't have to. Please? Let's pretend I never said it. What I really need is a friend too," he says earnestly.
      "Do you really mean that?"
      "Yes," he says, looking me in the eyes.
      "Okay," I say. "And I gotta get back to Aunt Pam's."
      "Okay," he says too. "I'll see you tomorrow at school."

     We hug, and he says, "Sorry for freaking you out."
     "There's nothing to be sorry about, remember? Because nothing happened," I say back to him.
     "Right," he agrees.

Marie 

     Jesse grabs my hand and won't let go.
     I know he wants right now to count as a date, and I don't want to have to explain to him again that I'm not ready to date anyone. The last time I did that, we didn't speak for nearly a week. I'd rather go ahead and let him count this as a date than live through another week like I just had.
     I relax a little and stop trying to subtly get my hand back. Jesse notices. That's all I have to do is think about how miserable I was to make me want him to never leave.
     So what does that mean? I think as Jesse's thumb starts rubbing my hand wherever it can reach. I tell him I'm not ready to date anyone, but I don't want him to leave.
      I want him to stay, but I don't want this to count as a date.
      If it weren't for him holding my hand, I could pretend this was two friends sitting on a couch watching a movie together. He simply had to start holding my hand, didn't he?!
        I tug on my hand again. No, Jesse. Let go!
       "Why are you not wanting me to hold your hand?" he asks quietly in a somewhat-sad voice. "It's only a hand."
       I manage to find my voice, finally. "Because that's the real difference here between a date and just two friends hanging out."
      "You spent the better part of last night in my arms, Marie. I'd say that pretty much rules out the 'just friends' thing," he says, his eyes on the television as he brings my hand to his lips.

       I want to faint as he repeatedly kisses my hand, his eyes fastened upon the television. I cannot focus on what he said a minute ago because of what he does.
      No no no! This isn't happening! I gasp when his tongue slips out of his mouth for a second when he kisses my hand again.
      He turns his head in my direction a few seconds after my gasp.
      "Tell me, Marie. What is it about this scenario that bothers you the most?" His eyes look imploringly at me. "Is it me?"
       I lose my voice again. I finally shake my head no after trying unsuccessfully for several long seconds to figure out what to say.
      "Is it me being here? Do you want me to leave? I don't want to, but if you really, really need me to I will."
      "It is what you do while you're here that scares me," I say in a shaky voice.
      "Holding your hand?" he asks, and I feel unable to escape those hazel-green eyes.
      "Everything," I answer, trying not to cry.
      He watches me, concerned, for a few seconds before he closes his eyes and asks, "So you're okay with me being here so long as I don't do anything. I'm supposed to stay in one spot and not move a muscle." He chuckles a little with that thought.
      I imagine him standing perfectly still in the corner or something, not allowed to move, and I have to smile at the ridiculous picture it makes.
     "No," I say.
     He smiles when he opens his eyes before he asks, "So what then?"
     "It's when you want to do anything beyond the boundaries of friendship," I try to explain and start to feel a little bit more comfortable, finally able to say my thoughts.
     His smile leaves his face when he says, "That's terrible because I have this urgent need to kiss you." He lets go of my hand to reach up and cup my cheek. "And I'm guessing that's beyond the bounds of friendship."
     No, please! If you do, I'm lost. I try to turn away, but his grip on my face tightens.
     "I thought you liked it when I kissed you," he adds quietly. "You act like you do."
     I snap, "Of course I do! You have to know by now you're an amazing kisser. How can I not?" he leans towards me, but I'd anticipated this move. I force his hand off my face and lean back away from him.
     I hadn't counted on him wrapping his other arm around my waist, and that prevents me from scooting backwards. I press on his chest in an effort to ward him off.
      "And yet, you're stopping me," he says angrily. Then he looks like he chastises himself for getting angry. "Of course you are." The arm that has the hand that previously held my face joins its partner around my waist as he crushes me to him, shaking the tiniest bit. Next, he buries his face in my hair and asks, "Is that why you kiss me back? Simply because I'm a good kisser?"
      He's strong, I think as I feel like his arms want to hold me to him and never let go. We sit on the couch turned towards one another with him leaning into me a little. I don't really know what to do with myself. He's begging me for some verification that I kiss him back for a real reason. Oh Jesse, how do I tell you this? I really like you, but I don't know if I can be the girlfriend you need.

     His forehead plants itself in the hollow of my throat, and he exhales shakily. I don't know where to put my arms, so I rest them lightly on his.
     "Please. Answer the question," he whispers over the sound of the movie we've abandoned.
     "I'm trying to figure out what to say," I say quietly.
     He tenses up, almost like he knows what I'm trying to say and is bracing himself for it.
     "Then take all the time you need," he chokes out like he no longer wants to hear it. "Days, weeks, months, a decade ... as long as I can hold you while you think."
      My heart aches when I hear the pain in his voice as he repeats what he'd said after that first time he kissed me. Greg said the same thing to Mom when she asked him for time to rebuild their relationship. Jesse sounded so angry that day when he asked me how long it would take me to 'dump all this shit' I carry around with me. Now, he acts like he'd rather savor this moment than want to rush me ahead to a time when I'm ready to date again.
     The question was about why I kiss him back. Well, because I want to, but why do I want to?
     He runs his nose up my neck to just behind my ear. Then he reaches a hand up to hold the back of my head before he breathes, "Fuck it, Marie. I don't have to know why."

     His lips take possession of mine in a desperate kiss.
     "Jesse..." I whisper, hoping to calm him down, but instead, he uses this opportunity to deepen the kiss. I whimper like a lost child while his tongue devours me from the inside-out.
     "Admit it," he says into my lips while continuing to kiss me. "You have feelings for me too. I am not imagining this. This is not simply because I'm a good kisser. You may not feel as strongly as I do, but you like me. Why else kiss me back like that? Why else am I aching to kiss you other than that's the truest way you can show me, and I need some way to feel the love I have for you reciprocated?" He kisses me deeply again for a minute or so. "Well, I also kiss you because I want to, dammit."

     "Say it," he growls. "Say you like me."
     "I thought you didn't have to hear it."
     "I changed my mind." After a slight pause, he says, "You can't kiss me like that and feel nothing for me. Admit it." I freeze up, quiet and afraid, and he groans before kissing me hungrily.
      I've fallen into a trap from which I cannot escape. Of course I like you, Jesse! It's impossible not to like you, maybe more ... but you're going to hurt me, and I haven't recovered from the last time!
     "I love you," he says softly to me, breathing it into my soul before kissing and moving his mouth all over my face and neck.
      I can't take much more of this!
     "You're going to hurt me," I say, crying.
     "Never."
     "Yes, you will. You say you love me, and I say that was too fast. You don't know your own feelings, and one day you will figure them out and realize you never loved me. And by that time, I'll have fallen in love with you only for you to hurt me when you break up with me."
     "No, Marie! No! I'd never do that."
     "I want to believe you."
     "Because you feel something for me."
     "Yes. Okay? Yes! But-"
     He stops my continued fretting when his mouth triumphantly attacks mine.

     When he finally comes up for air, he says, "We are far beyond the boundaries of friendship, Marie. It's too late. It was too late from the second I first laid eyes on you."

57: Addictive

Marie

     I have no idea how much time has gone by. I feel like I've slept for a little while. I'm still in Jesse's arms, I think with a small thrill shooting through me with this realization.

     His arms tighten the smallest amount when I stir a little.

     "Ah!" I cry out suddenly.

     "Are you okay?" Jesse asks quickly, sounding worried.

     "I forgot about my knee," I explain quietly.

     "Do you want some pain meds?" 

     I tell him yes, and he gets up to find them where I told him they'd be. Once I take them, I hand him the cup of water, and he puts it on the bedside table before lying down next to me and pulling me into his embrace once more.

      He suddenly freezes and asks, "Is this still okay?"

      "Yes," I answer, and he relaxes again. Then he wordlessly encourages me to lay my head on his chest, and I do so. "Did I fall asleep?" I ask to have something to diffuse the increasingly-combustible atmosphere surrounding us.

      "Yeah. About two hours or so. I'm not sure. I dozed a little bit myself," he answers me and starts calmly running his fingers through my hair.

       I'm so warm and comfortable, I think before I close my eyes again, hoping to go to sleep. What Jesse does to my hair feels nice.

Jesse

      Go to sleep, Marie, I think as I happily run my fingers through her hair, trying to figure out what I did right. Whatever it is, I hope I do figure it out because I need to keep doing it. This is wonderful.

      She relaxes more into me, and it's all I can do to keep myself from getting all over her. I can't mess this up, and I think I've skated on thin ice enough for one night.

      Hm, she didn't act like she minded it when I'd lightly kiss her here and there, I think as I start doing that again. I love this!

     Twisting around a little, I kiss her forehead, her hair, the top of her nose, somewhere else on her forehead, etc while continuing to stroke the back of her head. My other arm holds her close.

       This outfit she's wearing is driving me insane. I love crop tops.

      My hand rests on the bare skin of her waist, and I absentmindedly rub the little dip in her waist from her hips. She stirs. Dammit.

       "Jesse, I want to sleep," she mumbles out in almost a whine.

       "So sleep," I tell her, smiling a silly smile. "Don't mind me. I'm just lying here kissing you."

       "I know. I can't sleep if you're doing that."

      "You were before," I point out before leaning my head down to breathe in the fantastic scent of her hair. She smells like apple cinnamon, I think.

       "I was more tired then."

       "You're not tired now?"

       "Yes, I'm tired, but I can't relax if you're doing that."

      "What, this?" I ask and lightly kiss her forehead again. I know exactly what she means, but I'm going to kiss her until I can't get away with it any longer. "Or this?" I kiss her hair. "Or do you mean this?" This time, I kiss the tip of her nose.

       "All that," she tells me sleepily.

       She has beautiful lips.

       "Oh, okay. Well good then, that probably means this is fine."

      I pounce upon those beautiful lips of hers eagerly. I'm pushing it. At least this time I have a little more control so I don't go insane like before. She makes a tiny noise of complaint, but it's more of a 'dammit, I told you I was tired' and not so much a 'get the hell off me.' Tired I can handle just fine.

       I only apply enough pressure on her lips so that I can keep kissing her without overwhelming her. I'm here. I'm kissing you, and I don't want to stop.

       I pull back a second so I can whisper, "I missed you." Then, I go right back to kissing her. I could get addicted to these lips.

       I immediately notice the tension leave her before one of her hands reaches up to cup my cheek, and she really starts kissing me back. I'm a little surprised, but I don't question it.

        I reach up to hold her face, and her cheeks are wet. What?!

        I can't stand it. "What's wrong?" A million guesses run through my head.

        "I'm sorry, Jesse," she cries out sadly.

      "What? Why say that?" I hate it when women cry, and Marie crying rips my heart out of my chest.

       "For last week. I didn't mean to be a tease."

       "I didn't think you were," I say, trying desperately to figure her out. "If anyone needs to apologize it's me. I was a jerk."

        "No. You were just being you."

        "Thanks," I say sarcastically.

        "I didn't mean it like that."

      I scowl, hold the obvious question inside me, and ask, "Why do you think you were a tease? Because you asked me to stop? That's not being a tease. Don't get me wrong, I mean, I was very... frustrated, but that's because I pushed too hard."

       "I let it go too far," she tries to explain.

       No, you didn't let it go far enough, I think uncontrollably.

       She continues, "I led you to think going that far was what I wanted, so yes I was a tease."

      Just in case she can see me, I work hard to keep from rolling my eyes. I really hope I'm getting somewhere here, trying to figure her out. I have to keep her from tearing herself up like this. "Marie, if you had come on to me as strong as I did you and then said no, that would be being a tease. You're not a tease." No, you're just scared to death anytime I touch you. ....Did one of them do something to her?!

      I ask, "Who's called you a tease?" I'll kill 'em.

      She stays quiet.

      "Did you go to sleep?" I ask quietly.

      "Cristina," she whispers.

      I'd thought for sure she'd say what's-his-name. I was secretly hoping she would so I could have an even more solid reason to hate him. I'm a little surprised to hear her say Erin's cousin did it.

       "Why the hell would she do that?" I think aloud.

       She stammers, "Because of how ... I was with ... Dawson." 

       "How could she know anything unless ... he told her," I answer my own question. Sonofabitch!

       Marie buries her face in my chest. I squeeze her to me and wonder what to say next.
      "Okay," I say encouragingly with a good idea. "Think about who told you that. She's the enemy, right? Of course she would try anything and everything to make you doubt yourself." Good job, Jesse!
      When she doesn't say anything, I ask, "Doesn't that make sense?"
      "Yes," she answers sleepily, and I decide to let her sleep.
      I, however, am unable to sleep. I don't want to miss a moment of this. I want this. I want her. So bad. And not just sex.
      I have to close my eyes and take another deep breath. I shouldn't have even thought about it.
      Leave her alone, Jesse. She's sleeping.
      I decide to bury my nose in her hair, trying to fight the rampaging need for her. Doing this is a stupid idea because it only makes me want her more. Apple cinnamon. She smells terrific. I want a reminder of what she tastes like, I think as I allow myself to move my nose down past her ear.
      I stifle a whimper as the voice inside my head says, 'Let her sleep, Jesse.'
      But I want her!
      'She needs to sleep.'
      So, she can sleep. I only want a taste!

      My tongue darts out as I run my mouth along her neck. Oh yes, I remember now.
      She stirs a little, and I lift my head to try to see her in the semi-darkness. She looks to have quickly gone back to sleep, so I kiss her neck very softly. Several different possible future scenarios play out on my head, torturing me.
      She stirs again and mumbles, "Jesse, stop. I'm exhausted."
      "Believe me; I'm holding back. I'm having a hard time controlling myself," I say into her neck.
      "Go to sleep," she offers as a solution.
      "Not tired," I say before I lightly kiss those addictive lips.
      "Well I am. Do you need to go back to the couch?"
      I freeze. "Well, when you put it that way... " I laugh a little before I continue, "I'll behave."
      She nuzzles herself into the space between my neck and shoulders. I'm so happy I could cry. I wish she'd let me tell her I love her, but that freaks her out, I think while I limit myself to only running my fingers through her hair.
      I ponder why Marie says she can't handle this and that all the time. I think I have a piece of the puzzle in her lackluster step-father. She woke up crying after a dream about him, so what he did to her mom must've really affected her. Then whats-his-name cheated on her. Too much cheating. No wonder she doesn't trust anyone.
      I lie here and simply enjoy holding her until the alarm on my cellphone goes off.
     Shut up, stupid phone! I think as I make it stop. I'd set it early so that we'd have time to get ready and still have enough time to make it to the clinic.

      Marie stirs.
      "Don't forget your knee," I warn her quietly.
     She makes some little noise and nods before curling up into me again. I hold her just a little tighter, not wanting to let go.
      My alarm goes off again, and she decides she'll wait and shower later today after asking the doctor what to do. So, I make my way to her shower and remember that I forgot my shampoo. Pondering it for a few seconds, I go ahead and reach for hers, not intending to use much.

       Yep. Apple cinnamon, I think with a small laugh escaping me as I wash my hair with her shampoo. I think it's hilarious that I'm going to go around smelling like an apple pie all day.
       It's still a little dark when I exit the bathroom, all dressed and ready for work. I walk into Marie's bedroom and see that she's curled into as much a ball as her knee will let her, fast asleep.
       After doing what I can to help her get ready, we head out to the clinic. She lets me carry her to Martha, but she insists on hobbling into the clinic while I try to help as much as I can. They have to do some kind of scan. I end up having to call Lara to tell her I'm going to be late and why.

      Not too much later, Marie and I exit the hospital (pain medicine prescription filled) with her on crutches and wearing a small knee brace. Thankfully, it's just a sprain, and she should be better in a few weeks.
      As I watch Marie stubbornly make her way to Martha by herself, an idea occurs to me. She's not going to have an easy time making herself dinner tonight. I ask her about what she's going to do for lunch, and she absently waves her hand and says something about leftovers. I scowl and keep my thoughts to myself. I hate that I have to work today.
      When I drop her off at her house and help her inside, she thanks me for my help (it was my pleasure, trust me) and makes it clear that I shouldn't trouble myself about having to take care of her anymore.
      I do my best to hide my hurt with what she said. I want to help. I like to help.
      She asked me not to 'trouble myself.' Well, it's no trouble at all to handle dinner tonight.

     After work, I head over to The Swan and get a simple dinner for two to go. While I wait for the food to be prepared, I stop by one of those §1 movie rental machines. I randomly pick three.
      As I walk up the stairs to her front door, I see through the window that Marie sits on the couch watching TV. I really hope she doesn't throw me out since I'm coming over unannounced. I knew that if I'd asked, I'd only get shot down.

      As nervous as a tenth grader on his first date, I knock on the door. How does she do this to me?
      She answers the door after a few minutes of agony. I hope it takes so long because she has difficulty getting around. When she opens the door, she doesn't look surprised to see me. She must've looked through her window at me before answering my knock.
       "Ta da!" I cheer and hold up the to-go bags. "I brought dinner!" I smile, willing her to let me in and not get pissed off.
      "You did?" she asks while I stand here, lamely, on her front porch.
      "Yeah. I didn't like the idea of you having to eat leftovers, and I knew I wouldn't get off work in time to fix something, so I went and got us something. I hope that's okay," I add the bit at the end as a plea.
      "Uh. Okay," she says and moves aside so I can pass her on my way to the kitchen. She hobbles after me on her crutches, and I want so badly to just up and carry her. I know that wouldn't be welcome, so I restrain myself.

     She puts down her crutches and sits in the first chair as I pull stuff out of the bags. In my opinion, that place really must like using their bags because I got a separate bag for each item. What a waste.
     "What did you get?" Marie asks, sounding resigned.
     Now, this is an area that I hope I didn't screw up. "I got what looks like some kind of macaroni and cheese casserole thing. I thought it looked simple enough, and I've never seen you eat anything with meat in it so I wondered."
     She smiles a little smile at me and says, "My mother is a vegetarian. I'm not, really, but her eating habits rubbed off on me."
     "Oh," I say simply before I pull out a bottle of wine. Then, something occurs to me. "Um, what pain medicine did they put you on?"
      "Uh, something that starts with oxy something."
      "Oxycodone? Percocet?" I ask, and she nods, "Wow. Nice doctor. Be careful though, that shit's addictive." I hear her laugh, and I pull out a Coke for her to drink instead of what I'm having.
       After I hand her her Coke and pour myself a little wine, she makes some remark about red wine with what I selected to eat. I merely shrug and say it's what I wanted. She can't argue with that.

    We finish eating. Her face is very animated as she tells me about the time she and Cristina wore the same dress to prom. Then Cristina spilled punch on her dress which caused Marie to get pissed off and punch her.
    "Both our dresses were ruined for the pictures," she states with a vicious grin. "At least I didn't have a black eye."
    I can't help but laugh at the righteously-satisfied look on her face. Then I get up to do the dishes.
    "No, I'll -"
    "Hush, Marie, and let me do the damn dishes," I interrupt her. I had an inkling she might try to stop me.
    "But I feel fine!"
    "It's that medicine making you feel like Wonder Woman, and you're not," I say. She reaches for her crutches, mumbling something about me being the 'guest,' and I turn around to bark, "Sit! Down!" Damn. Me and my stupid temper. I immediately apologize to her shocked expression. I take a deep breath and say, "If you want to do something, why don't you go and pick out one of the movies I brought. They're on the coffee table."
     "You brought movies?" she asks.
     "Yes. I couldn't decide on one, so I got three. Pick one," I say with a smile.
     She chooses the movie with the longest playtime. I'm glad.
     A little ways into the movie, she remarks in a questioning tone, "So, you brought dinner."
     "Yes?" I answer, wondering where she's going with this.
     "And movies."
     "Correct."
     "Is this a date or something?" she asks with her eyes narrowed slightly.

     "Only if you want it to be," I answer, and I know my heart has to be plain on my face at this moment. She sits quietly in thought for too long, so I say, "I just want to be here... for whatever reason." And I want to stay the night again.
      She looks at her hands sitting in her lap.
      I take an enormous risk as I ask, "Can I stay here again tonight?"
      She expels a huge breath and asks a question of her own. "Sleeping on the couch?"
      "Only if I have to," I answer similarly to an earlier answer. It's killing me that I want to kiss her so very much, but I worry how she'd respond. Those perfect lips... I'll never get enough of them.
      "But I don't need you for help like I did last night," she states.
      "But I need you," I say, laying it on the line.
      "Jesse..." she whines with a worried look on her face.
      "Let's just finish watching the movie," I say quickly and capture one of her hands.

56: Pandora's Box

Bryce

     "Stay," I demand and prevent a negative answer by making sure her mouth is otherwise busy. She makes some annoyed whine since I won't let her talk.

     Erin has been staying at her house more often than not lately, and it's driving me crazy. She'd stayed at the bar with me tonight while I worked. Then, after a strange phone call from Jesse, she tells me she wants to sleep at her place again tonight. She's slept at her house the past three nights! I got spoiled, I guess, when the bastard was on the island and she stayed at my place the whole time.
     Sean. She told me she emailed him and that was the way that she finally got closure. I hate that she contacted him again after all that we went through, and I worry that she's continuing to contact him all these nights she's not with me. I don't want to outright ask her, but I can't help but worry.
     She jerks back from me and says, "Bryce, you'll see me tomorrow."
     Yeah, tomorrow. Tomorrow was supposed to be Marie's other day off, but she's apparently gone and sprained her knee... and Jesse was involved ...somehow. I have to train Erin tomorrow.
     I hope Jesse knows what he's doing this time. Ever since the party he threw last Wednesday, it was a little awkward around Marie since I knew my best friend was mooning over her. Maybe things are looking up for them... except for her sprained knee.
      My hand slips down over Erin's delectable derriere, and I pull her against me, offering a promise should she come back inside with me tonight.
      "I'll see you tomorrow if you sleep here as well," I offer.
      "Get your hand off my behind," she mildly scolds me.
       I laugh and ask, "Why? I like my hand where it is. You have a fantastic behind."
       "I'll stay over tomorrow night," she counteroffers.
       "Okay. Good. And tonight too," I reply stubbornly. 
       "Bryce..." she whines.
       "Why don't you want to sleep here anymore?"
       "I just said I'm spending the night tomorrow."
       "But why not tonight too?"
       She shakes her head no. "Me staying here should be the exception, not the rule."
       "See, now that's where I disagree."

      "I miss you when you're not here," I explain for the umpteenth time. "Please stay." Damn it, Erin! I'm dying here! I work on massaging her ass.
      She groans and asks, "Why are you doing this to me?"
      "Because I can," I answer simply. "Because I love you, and I don't want you to leave." I'm about ready to throw her over my shoulder and carry her, kicking and screaming maybe, back into the house.
      "I told you. We need to slow down a little," she brings up her trump card.
      "Who says it has to be this way?" I ask. I've thought about that little 'discussion' we had when I sat, stunned, during her well-prepared speech about how we're moving too fast for her and for me not to take it personally yada yada yada, and I've decided that since she says she's over Sean then why can't we go whatever 'speed' we want?
      "Me," she answers.
      "You said you're over him. That's what was holding you back before, right?"
      "And I'd hoped to ease into this. I love you. My head is spinning though."
      "Looks to be screwed on just right to me," I say, hoping to lighten the mood a little with a very bad joke. She lets out a half giggle/half groan while I reach up and hold both sides of her face to check and make sure her head isn't spinning.
      I sigh. "All right. Can't blame me for trying. Tomorrow?"
      "Yes."

     I love kissing her, and I try to get as much out of this one as I possibly can since I'm 'looking forward' to another lonely night.

       "Don't forget," I remind her. "Swimsuit." We're going to the beach tomorrow with my sister's family... to one of the smaller parks to roast marshmallows and hotdogs and stuff. Then, Pam is going to keep Adele for us since Erin is... working... with me tomorrow.
        What was I thinking?!
        "I'll remember. Then it's off to learn the ropes!" she says happily.
        I'm scared to death Erin will make a terrible waitress. She's too shy, not to mention it feels wrong to have her working for me. I know other people work for/with their significant others all over the place, but I know myself and my limitations. Agreeing to this was a stupid move. Hopefully, Marie won't take long to get better. I'd rather have her working on crutches... or on a barstool learning to make drinks. Hm... "Yeah," I say, nonplussed still and scheming about how to convince Erin to get this crazy idea out of her head. She looks too happy about it.
      I grudgingly tell her goodnight and kiss her one more time before she gets on her Barbie-pink scooter for her short trip 'home.'

     I check on Adele before I head off to my room.
     How pathetic can I get? How did I becoming the clingy type? I used to find this incredibly annoying. I annoy myself now.
      It used to be that if I felt even an inkling of feeling for any particular woman that I'd immediately go out and look for a party elsewhere. I definitely don't have that 'out' anymore, nor do I want it, but I hate this loneliness!
     What the hell am I going to do about this?
      I all but got down on my knees and begged her to stay. I thought for sure she would tonight since she'd stayed out so late with me at the bar. I guess this is what I get for anticipating.

       Sure, she had to get 'home' so she could email Sean.
       Stop it, Bryce!
       I figured Erin wanted to slow down a little, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I want her to move in. She and Adele like each other, so what is the fucking problem?! This is faster than most couples take it, but I love her.
        I sit and try to remind myself how fast everything has gone, all things considering. It only just barely makes me feel better. I get up to turn off the lights before I flop down on my bed. Erin's scent on the sheets has weakened.

     The time afterward was hell on earth, but I'm glad Ashley divorced me. Now she was a real bitch. Damn, that woman would drive me crazy. A month one time. No wonder my sex drive exploded once Jesse got me 'dating' again... and sex was available all over the place.
     I groan and roll over to put my face into Erin's pillow. If I dig my nose down into it hard enough, I can really smell her.
     Yes, I'm glad Ashley divorced me. If I'd met Erin while I was still married, I'd have been driven mad. God's toenails, she probably would've dated Jesse. They get along a little too well I think. I kept her from going to his house, because she was concerned, successfully all week while he was moping.
    I pick my head up a second to get a huge breath of fresh air before I go right back to shoving my face into her pillow.
     I went through hell, but it turns out it was all worth it because I came out of it with Erin.
     She shone like an angel in the darkness that day in the park. No wonder I couldn't stop staring at her.
     Now, my 'guiding light' wants a little space... so she can chat online with her ex-fiance. I wish I knew for sure, but I'm afraid to bring it up. She's not telling me something.
     Why does she want to slow things down? I love her, and I want to be with her all the time. She obviously doesn't want the same with me.
      All these nights when she sleeps at her house remind me of when Ashley first left me. Maybe that's got something to do with it.
      It's weirdly poetic, but Erin is my light in the darkness, pulling me out of that time of my life.
      It's not fair to her to do that. I have to pull myself out on my own as well.
      That's it! No wonder I've been holding on so tight.
      I pull my face up out of her pillow, roll over on my side with my head on my pillow, and I hug her pillow to me.
      Erin can't do everything is my last thought before passing out asleep.

     Adele is out of school today for some holiday for some long ago battle. So, we're all going to spend the morning at the beach until I (and Erin) have to go open the bar. I've cut the hours down to noon to midnight so that I could work out a decent schedule. I've found an architect and given him the ideas I want. Then he recommended an interior decorator, and I took his recommendation. Now I'm just waiting on the architect so that I can decide when to close for construction.
     I like Erin's swimsuit, but what the hell has she done with her hair? Those pigtails cover her up!
     I walk over to her and say, "Hello, beautiful." Then I kiss her smile. I questioningly tug on one of her pigtails.
      She shrugs and says, "I thought I'd try something different. Why? You don't like it?"
      "Actually, no. They cover you up." I grin to her blush.
      "That's kind of the idea," she says then goes on about how she hopes it's early enough to where she doesn't have to worry about sunscreen.

    Simon and Pam show up with Jeremy. Simon walks over to me and starts talking about stuff going on at the fire station after I ask. Pamela gets Jer-jer set up playing with some toys in the grass while she works on lighting up a fire in the pit.
     Suddenly, she pulls some sort of archaic beeper out of the beach bag and runs over to show Simon.
     "Sorry, gotta go," he says quickly and runs down the beach.
     Erin gets up out of her lounge chair and walks over to ask me about Simon before going to skip stones with Adele. I smile, again happy that they get along, before going to talk to my sister a second.

     "Oh, I meant to tell you," Pam says, "Bernadette got a job at the school." Pamela used to teach kindergarten before she had Jeremy. She says she's taking a few years off for her second job: being a mom. She and Simon want to have more kids. "Working the front desk," she finishes.
      "Hm. Well, maybe her attitude problem will come in handy there," I say before she has to turn around to prevent Jeremy from sticking his hand into the fire pit. Erin and Adele's laughter makes its way over to me.

      Walking as silently as I can, I sneak up behind Erin before jumping in front of her and surprise her. I hear the sound of a camera taking a picture, and I turn around to see that my sister was acting just as sneaky as I was, following me with Jer-jer on her hip to get a picture like the one she just got. When she sees that I caught her, she giggles maniacally. Then she tells Adele she can roast marshmallows now. I guess it doesn't matter what time of day it is to roast marshmallows.

     I decide to have one; Adele decides to have three.
    Pamela plays in the grass with Jeremy, trying to keep him from eating bugs. That boy's hands are fast. Suddenly, a memory of Ashley doing the same thing hits me. The only difference is Ashley would just disintegrate every bug in a twenty-foot radius, and Adele would cry. I often thought we should just let her try a few bugs; she'd get over that real quick. Ashley thought I was nuts, trying to poison our daughter or something. I'd argue back that at least I didn't make her cry.
     Damn it! I don't want to think about her! Memories have been flooding back to me lately like they've been released from some Pandora's box. I don't know how to deal with them anymore, and they're driving me crazy.
     Adele's phone rings in the beach bag. I know it's hers because of the K-Infinity ringtone.
     "You can go to Helen's house if it's okay with Aunt Pam," I tell Adele while she reaches for her phone, suspecting I know who it is.
     "It's not Helen's phone number," Adele says.

    I watch her like a hawk when she decides to answer it anyway.
    "Hello? ... Who gave you this number? ... Why?" she says into the phone.

     "What about?" she asks.
     "Who is it?" I ask, irritated.
     "It's Todd. Helen gave him my phone number," she tells me quickly. "I was talking to my dad," she says into the phone now.
     Thanks, Helen. I debate taking the phone from my daughter, telling this Todd that she's too young to be talking to boys on the phone, and hanging up.
      Adele giggles, and I stand up. Out of nowhere, Erin reaches up and stops me from taking the phone from my baby girl. Adele looks at me like I just sprouted antennae and walks away a little from the fire pit.

    I spin around and take a few paces away while Adele chats with that boy.
    "It's okay," Erin whispers to me as she walks over to me.
     No, it's not. You don't understand. That is my baby talking to some boy! I want to scream. I keep quiet though.

    I feel a mild panic as I think about how much I've missed during my personal dark ages. While the new bar gets built, I'm spending as much time as I can with my daughter. Erin silently reaches down and holds both of my hands. She has no idea how much she really does mean to me.
     Adele's voice carries over to us, "No, I have a feeling I won't be allowed to do that. ... Because. .... Because because. And I'm making brownies with my aunt this afternoon anyway. .... I don't know; I'll ask." She turns to Pamela who's quietly watching the scene before her, "Can Todd come over to your house?"
     "No," I answer for my sister.
     'Sorry,' Pamela mouths to Adele. I'm grateful she didn't try to undermine me.
     "No, you can't. Sorry, Todd. .... No, it's my dad,"  Adele says into the phone.
     Get off the damn phone, Adele!
      Adele has turned and sees me staring a hole into her.
      "Um, Todd, I gotta let you go," she says. She hangs up, puts her phone in the bag, and asks me, "Why can't he come over?"
      "Because it's rude to invite yourself over and because I said so," I say and watch as she puts one fist on her hip and looks at me with a belligerent expression. I warn her to watch her attitude.

      "It's about time we go change, right?" Erin asks me.
      "Yeah," I answer shortly.
      "All right, well, I'll just go home and take a quick shower before I change."
      "Okay," I answer with a single-word sentence again. Erin looks at me worriedly but doesn't ask me about my mood.

     When I see what Erin has changed into, I have to work very, very hard to restrain myself. Did she have to wear that outfit? 
      This is a bad idea. 
       Please, freak out and come to the realization that you can't do this all on your own.
       I clear my throat and ask, "What the hell are you wearing?" Shit, that sounded awful.

    She glares at me, and I'm not surprised. "You said earlier that I shouldn't cover up so much, and this is comfortable for being outside all day." While I decide what to say to counter her, she says, "And Marie once wore a very similar outfit the other day, and you said nothing to her about it. In fact, you teased Jesse about his reaction."
    I take a step towards her and say with my teeth clenched, "But Marie isn't my girlfriend. I don't notice her like I do you."
     "So your problem is that you notice me," she says sardonically.
     This isn't going to work. This is exactly why I didn't want to give her the job in the first place. I already want to pull her shorts down and have her over the bathroom sink.
      "This isn't going to work, Erin. I'm sorry."
       Her mouth drops. "What? You're not even going to give me a chance? If I don't cover for Marie, who will?"
        "Jones and I will figure something out," I say quickly.
        "Bryce, at least give me a chance."

      "It's not you I'm worried about here," I try to explain without telling her everything.
      "Hey Jones," Erin asks, "would you give us a minute?" Jones nods, gesturing to the empty bar. Then Erin takes my hand and pulls me into the men's room.

    Once inside, she spins around and snaps, "Are you going to tell me what's bothering you? You've been in a weird mood all day."
      Thoughts fly through my head: What's bothering me?! You're bothering me standing right where I wanted to drag you not five minutes ago. I'm going to be horribly distracted by you the whole evening even worse than before because now I'm your boss for all intents and purposes. Memories of Ashley are bombarding me when I least expect them to! I'm worried you're emailing Sean still. 
     And I'm about ready to explode with lust.
     I say none of that.

     Instead, I attempt to show her what's wrong... at least as much as she can fix right now. I attack her.
     I let her have a moment to get over the shock before I hungrily slant my mouth across hers.

    This, Erin, I think as I grind against her for a second.
     Damn it! I can't do this right now!

     I let go of her and take a step back real quick. "Sorry. I think I'm losing my mind."
     "Does Marie clean these floors?" she asks out of the blue.
     Confused, I answer her anyway. "Uh. Yeah. Marie cleans everything. She's a real neat freak."
     "Good. Then I'll guess they're clean enough," she says cryptically.

    She grabs both of my arms and pulls me into the stall. Once inside, she reaches past me to lock it and then proceeds to undo my shorts. Then I figure out why she asked about the floors when she gets on her knees in the cramped space in front of me.
     Funny enough, I've never done anything in this restroom. Several other restrooms all over the island, yes, but never the one at work. For about half a second, I think about telling her she doesn't need to do this, but my mind changes the second her beautiful lips close around me.
     Oh holy fuck! I scream inside my head as I thread my fingers in her hair.
     After a few seconds, I moan her name as she brings her hands up to hold my hips. Why am I surprised she's good at this? After the hot tub... I can't finish my thought because I have to use whatever brainpower I have left in order to keep myself quiet. This woman is merciless! Does she not have a gag reflex?
     My hand flies up to hold onto the top of the door for dear life as my hips automatically work with her fantastic mouth.
      "Erin..." I moan a little bit later. "Erin, I'm going to .... If you don't want ... " She answers me by holding my hips tighter. Oh god, yes. That thought alone sends me over the edge, and I pour myself into her mouth. Shit, she swallowed.
     I stand here panting while she takes a small amount of toilet paper and wipes her mouth. "Feel a little better?" she asks me quietly while she stands up. I can't answer her yet. Not verbally at least. When I think I've caught my breath enough, I grab her and kiss her again. She makes a little noise of surprise.
     "Yes," I answer her question.
      All the other things can wait until later. I'll give this 'Erin being my waitress' thing another chance.


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I hadn't planned on the phone call from Todd to Adele. It actually happened that he called her, and of course, I had to make something of it. :)

Oh, and don't worry. We'll catch up with Jesse and Marie in the next chapter going back to the same night. Erin and Bryce really jumped ahead.