17: Just Punishment

Jesse

 

(back to last Saturday night, just as Jesse returns home from Erin's)

        I walk in, throw my keys down on the kitchen counter, walk into my living room, and flop down on my small couch.
        Jesse, you idiot. What the hell were you thinking?
       All day long, I had looked forward to closing up shop and heading over to Erin's. Yeah, I felt a little bad for my buddy Bryce, but I thought if she honestly didn't prefer him then why shouldn't I try?
       I drove Lara absolutely nuts today at the shop as I aimlessly wandered around, wondering what I could get her to help really break the ice, especially since she seemed reserved. Reserved... Hah! Yeah, unless she's really pissed off. The woman aimed that thing right at my head!
     When I heard that she and Bryce were dating after all, the green-eyed snake of jealousy's fangs sunk deep. Why is it always Bryce? What does he have that I don't?
       If I'd seen her first would that have made a difference? Doubtful. Whenever Bryce has wanted to, he's taken any girl he felt like. So many times it was a miracle that he didn't try. Oh, but those times... none of them wanted to stay. Not one.
       I'm really getting sick of this, I think as I stand up in a really bad mood and head out to my bar.

      It's gotten dark, and that's just fine with me as I stand here and stare out at the water, watching the trees sway back and forth with the breeze.
      I'm still glad I made the decision to move here. I'd always had a great time when I came here with my parents. I want to cling to those good memories by being here instead of back where I grew up. My parents got a divorce. Divorce isn't good at any age. Even at eighteen, they were still my parents. It took me one Christmas of that bullshit before I decided I didn't want any part of it anymore.
      Then I met Bryce and Ashley. On the outside, they looked happy, and I envied Adele. Bryce and Pam had recently lost their parents, and I could tell he was having a hard time dealing with it. I felt a little guilty considering I pretty much shoved my parents away, but I honestly felt my family died when my lame-ass parents decided to divorce. So, Bryce and I quickly became best friends. Then, Ashley left him, shocking the hell out of both of us.
      I still remember quite clearly how he acted then. He was angry... understatement of the century. He was pissed. He'd rant and rave and Adele would cry. I couldn't stand it, so I'd just hug her like I was hugging some form of my childhood self. It was good of Pamela and Simon to step up to the plate for her like they did and give her some form of solid parenting while Bryce almost drank himself into an early grave.
       I didn't let that bullshit continue for very long before I had to shake some sense into him. I told him 'fuck her! you can do better than that bitch! hell, now you're free to mess around all you want!' He really took that to heart. Now that I look back on it, he was chasing all those women as a way of getting back at Ashley, acting like he had something to prove.
      Still, he knew his limits. He didn't want to interfere, and I knew, when he could tell if I was really stuck on one girl or another. I guess that has happened a lot, come to think of it. Damn, it's a wonder I have a heart from the number of times it's been broken. I'm such a sap.

      But then there were those times when he didn't back down, and I'd lose every time. I thought the song was "Jesse's Girl" not "Bryce's Girl."
       Well, he'd better be fucking serious with her because she's not going anywhere. I'd hate to have to get into another fist fight, but I will if he's just screwing around.

      Just before I turn the light out to crash into an almost-drunken sleep, I see Bryce's bedroom light come on, and I wonder again why I had the bright idea to buy this house. For a while, it made for some awesomely huge parties, but then after Ashley left, it's been a frequent source of annoyance. Well, at least there's proof he's not spending the night at Erin's... and I don't want to know if she's there, I think as I quickly turn out the light and move the curtains to block out the window.

      The next morning, I wake up and remember that Bryce plans to have another get-together at his bar tonight. I'm not going.
       In fact, I spend the whole day in my underwear watching reruns of Happy Days.

      Monday again. It doesn't help the store faces Erin's little house. Great. So I have Bryce's house at home and Erin's house at work.
       I get there early and sit outside staring off into space. I'm pouting. I know it, and I hate it. So what? Okay, so Bryce is happy. I should be happy for him, not kissing and trying to steal his girlfriend.

       Adele waves at me on her way to school, and I decide enough is enough. I'm calling Bryce during my lunch break. I'd do it now, but it's time to open.

       Lunch arrives, and I scarf down a quick burger. With a resigned sigh, I call my best friend. He answers on the third ring.
       "Hey, Jesse," he says, sounding curious.
       "Hey. Yeah, so I assume you heard what happened," I say.
       He's quiet for a minute before he finally answers, "Yeah man, what the fuck?!"
       "Err... yeah. Sorry," I say lamely.
       "Sorry? That's all you have to say is sorry?! You kiss my girlfriend after you find out that she is, in fact, my girlfriend, and all you can say is sorry?!" he growls into the other end of the line.
       "What else do you want me to say?"
       "How about 'Bryce, I beg your forgiveness for this horrible mistake I made. Please, come up with some humiliating thing for me to do so that I can prove to you how very sorry I am' for a start," he answers, not sounding like he's joking.

        A little worried by how very pissed he sounds, I ask, "Um, what humiliating thing?" Through the years, the two of us have come up with a few different idiotic stunts, and I worry about which one he might want me to do. Please, not the jar of mayonnaise costume. Well, that one isn't so bad if I can find a few willing tourists with a good sense of humor.
        "I think it's time to break out the blue coat. Don't you?" he asks, and I can hear him trying not to laugh.
        "It's too damn hot for the blue coat," I say quickly.
        "Too damn bad. You had fun making fun of Desmond Friday. I'm sure he'll be all too happy to return the favor this Friday, Captain Jesse." He pauses for a second. "In fact, let's just invite the whole damn island this time."

       I'm actually a little relieved. He could've made it so much worse.
       I laugh and say, "Alright fine. Captain Jesse it is. In fact, just to further prove that I really am sorry, I'll go the whole nine yards: grow out the beard, find a wench or maybe two, three... You're going to make me have a heat stroke in that thing."
       "Nah, I'll ice down a keg or something. Be happy I'm going easy on you. It's for her sake anyway. She was really freaked out," he says, his voice getting more serious.

        I wince and ask, "That bad? I mean, I know she was pissed..."
        "It was the best friend thing. I shouldn't say any more than that," he says.

       I see a familiar head of hair in my peripheral vision, so I say to Bryce, "Okay, well, I gotta get going. I think I may have found my first 'wench' for Friday. Then I've gotta go home to see if I can even find that ugly coat."
       "You'd better find it. That or you're buying another one," he warns.
       "Yeah, sure," I say distractedly, making sure Ginger doesn't get too far away. "Gotta go." I hang up. After I put my phone back in my pocket, I yell out, "Hey, Ginger!" Her face pops over in my direction in surprise. I grin in anticipation as I walk over to her.

Bonus: Meet Marie

In the very first chapter of my first Sims 3 story, Elena Castillo Schwartz adopts Marie. There was a problem with the school buses that I hoped aging a toddler to child would fix. Well, it didn't. Elena sent Marie to boarding school. While she's at school, she ages to teen.

Elena married John Parren. Marie changed her last name to his. She liked him as a parent even more than her "mother". At the wedding, Marie shows up with a letter from her headmaster saying that they 'recommend that she come home'. John and Elena buy a new house. They soon give her a baby brother, Xavier. Marie adores him.


      Around the time Xavier is born, Marie (a freshman) starts dating Andy Creek (a senior). He asks her to prom, and at prom they start going steady. Marie is also best friends with his little brother, Dawson (Dawson Creek, yes, a joke name), who's her age. Dawson has a girlfriend named Cristina who doesn't like Marie.
      Unfortunately, Elena's marriage to John doesn't last. Elena realizes that she never stopped loving another man, Greg Turner. She doesn't cheat on John physically, but John is still broken up about it. John beats Elena up and throws her out of the house. Marie witnessed the whole thing before she went upstairs to try and calm down her now-a-toddler brother. John and Elena divorce. Marie doesn't really like Greg, and she's happy the courts ruled that John, as the only father she's ever known, gets partial custody. (well, after an agreement that Elena herself made since the courts were extra cruel to John since he'd beat up Elena.)

     Elena marries Greg, and Marie has a new step-brother, DeMarco. Not much later, Elena has another son with Greg that they name Benjamin (Ben).
     
     Andy ages to adult, and decides to break up with Marie for now since he doesn't think it's right for an adult to date a teen. Marie is brokenhearted about it. However...


     Literally (I mean really, the game did this :) ) as soon as Andy walks out the door, Marie's phone rings. It's another friend of Dawson's that heard from Dawson about what Andy planned to do. Not wanting to waste any time, he asks her to prom. Stunned, Marie says yes, and the two start dating.
      Dawson, however, is furious with Armand that he would go behind his back like that when Armand knew that Dawson liked Marie. (even though he had a girlfriend... he would've quickly broken up with her.) Marie doesn't find out about this for years, however, and she dates Armand all throughout high school. They have a few fights though, and her senior prom she goes alone... getting into a fist fight with Cristina in the process. (they wear the same dress and Cristina spills a drink on Marie's)
     (Greg cheats on Elena while she's pregnant with Ben, but he doesn't admit it for a long time. To make a long part of the story short, they eventually divorce over it. John, who never stopped loving Elena even though he was hurt, goes to therapy and works out his issues. After the divorce from Greg, Elena dates them both., and Marie secretly hopes Elena chooses her 'dad' again.)
     Elena does end up marrying John again, and everybody ages up. Cristina and her family move to Riverview where her family is from originally. Marie and Armand get into a huge fight and Armand hits her. (she didn't defend herself even though she's a black belt) She breaks up with Armand.


     Dawson immediately takes the opportunity to ask her out, and finally admits he's always more than just liked her.


     But then, Armand calls her that same day and apologizes his ass off. Marie decides to give him another chance, but she also tells him she's dating Dawson as well. Well, Armand is pissed, but he understands he blew it.
     So, Marie dates both Armand and Dawson at the same time.


     There's still one more problem, however. Andy had always hoped that after Marie aged to adult they could date again. He doesn't want to do this to his brother, but he wants Marie back. He tries to convince her to go out with him, but she says no, explaining that she's already dating two guys and having a difficult time with that as it is. He's sure to let her know she can always change her mind. She's a little ticked off about this. After all, this is the first guy to ever break her heart and now he wants to come crawling back?
      She decides enough is enough, and dates Dawson exclusively. Armand is angry, and he tells her Dawson will probably cheat on her. She tells him she doesn't think so, but she worries. Armand has the tendency to always be right...


     Then, after a long day of house-hunting... Marie and Dawson are eating out at the bistro when up walks Cristina. She's back from Riverview. She didn't want to stay there any more once her cousin decided to move away. Marie watches as Dawson's face lights up upon seeing her.
     Over the next few days, Dawson tries and tries to convince Marie that he doesn't want Cristina back, and he doesn't want to break up with her. Marie doesn't believe him.
      However, a few nights later, Cristina comes to a family dinner that Marie doesn't get invited to. Andy gets worried for Marie when he sees how his brother is acting with Cristina. He goes by Marie's house the next day to tell her his concern, and that he knows that the pair planned on going excavating at the ruins. Ticked off, Marie heads over to investigate.

 
     They find Cristina literally all over Dawson, and he isn't doing much to try to stop her.


     After crying for a few minutes, Marie gets angry, and attacks Cristina after arguing with her and Dawson. She leaves a nice bald spot on Cristina's head before running off. Dawson comforts Cristina and doesn't run after Marie. Andy does, however; and he tolerates Marie's anger towards everyone, including him, before she finally lets him hold her while she cries.
     She thinks to herself, I'm done. I'm done with all of them. Dawson, Andy, even Armand. They can all rot in hell.

     Now that you've caught up on a summary-as-short-as-I-could-make-it summary of Marie, this chapter of Queen of Denial ties into this story:

118: Leaving the Nest

16: I Wonder

      "What do you mean?" he asked her with confusion written all over his face.

    "Do you think I'm fucking blind?" she nearly yelled back to him, completely aggravated by his lack of seeing what was right in front of him. "Have you been bullshitting me this whole time? Yeah, you told me you weren't seeing anyone, and now I understand what you meant. No, you're not 'seeing' her, you're just sleeping with her!"

      "Clara? The nanny? Is that what this is all about?" he asked, desperately trying to catch on to what Leandra meant when she said that she didn't think that their relationship was working.

      "Yes, fucking Clara!" she answered. Then she giggled in sarcastic, ironic mirth as she said, "Yes. Fucking Clara. That's what she's there for, right?"

      Angry now, he approached her and growled, "No. I hired her to take care of Amy when I'm unable to because of work. You know that."

      "She hates Amy."

      "No she doesn't."

      "You're not sleeping with her?" she asked, starting to calm down a little.

      "No. Where did this idea come from?" he asked. He figured he needed to get to the bottom of Leandra's insecurities before he could address the topic that she thought that Clara hated Amy.

      "You don't see the way she looks at you? She wants in your pants so bad it's a wonder she hasn't dropped to her knees to undo them herself." 

       Lance quickly put his hand over his mouth to hide the huge grin that covered his face without warning. The very idea that Clara thought of him that way felt ludicrous.

      "It's not fucking funny, Lance!" Leandra snapped at him.

      Lance uncovered his mouth for a minute so he could be heard as he said, "Yes, it is. It's hilarious."

      My computer blinks out on me for a minute before I can have a chance to write more about Leandra's ridiculous, but legitimate, jealousy. No! Come back you stupid machine! I think as I hit the side of it with my hand. It blinks back on. Phew!

       I'd been unable to go immediately to sleep, for obvious reasons, once I'd recovered for the most part from what Bryce told me tonight. I just can't wrap my head fully around the idea that he loves me. So, I decided to sit and write, avoiding thinking about him for a few hours. Or, at least, that's the plan. However, my computer has a different agenda. It must feel suicidal tonight.

      "What am I supposed to think?" she asked him. "She's always here. When you're not around she's belligerently rude to me and cruel to Amy. I'm sure Amy would tell you about it except she's afraid of her!"

       Lance walked up to her and

        My computer makes a small popping noise, and I start to smell burning circuitry as smoke eeks out of it. Damn it!

       Busted. It's completely busted! I'm never going to finish this damn thing! I think as I slam my head down on my piece of shit keyboard. A few keys pop off again and clatter to the floor, but I don't care enough to pick them up. My machine has failed me for the last time. It's dead. Not only merely dead, but really most sincerely dead. It's not coming back. May it rest in pieces! It's bucked the kickit.

      Now what? Now I have nothing to distract me from trying to keep from thinking about Bryce. It was so much easier when I could escape to Lance and Leandra's world. 

       Damn it!

       I give up and go to bed after unplugging my computer. Luckily, I'm so exhausted that I fall asleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow.

      In the morning, I wake up and look at my alarm clock with... alarm. Eleven o'clock! Holy crap! Bryce said come by as early as I want and it's almost lunchtime! He's going to think I'm blowing him off! I immediately reach for my cellphone and call him. He sounds relieved. Damn it. He was worried. Oh, what am I going to do?

       I hurriedly shower and quickly fix my hair after I get dressed. It's already shaping up to be a very hot day, so I dress appropriately for the weather.

       I ring the doorbell at Bryce's house, and it's not long before I see him dart out of the kitchen and walk down the hallway towards the door. Please don't be weird. Please don't be weird. Please don't be weird. I think in rapid succession. I hate how I feel nervous again.

       He opens the door and stands there, wide-eyed, for a few, long, seconds as I watch his eyes rake me from head to toe before he finally says, "Hi.... Erin." Then he shakes his head almost imperceptibly and motions me inside.

      I apologize again for sleeping as late as I did when he'd expected me to come by earlier than now as I walk in the door. 

      He closes it behind me, turns to me and says, "I'm sure we can find a way for you to make it up to me."

      He surprises me when he suddenly pulls me to him and kisses me. I can't help but notice how warm his hands feel against my exposed midriff as my arms slowly work their way around his neck. This is okay. Yeah. This isn't weird at all.
     Wait a second... 'make it up to me'? Just what does he mean by that? This? Or more? What is he expecting? I realize, belatedly, how the clothing I chose to wear today must look to him. Crap, I just wanted to be comfortable. What was I thinking? No wonder he just stood there like that when he answered the door.
      He, um, must really like my outfit because his hands are all over me. I feel like such a bonehead. Bone.... Yeah.
      He moans into my mouth before his arms wrap themselves tighter around me, squeezing me to the point of pain. I whimper a tiny bit as I squirm against his too-tight hold of me, which he immediately slackens.
      I remember yesterday when he had gripped me this tightly while he was thinking... about what he told me last night I guess. I wonder if he has some kind of abandonment complex thing going on and that's the reason he holds on so tight. It makes sense. Oh, my sweet Bryce, if I ever meet that cheating Ashley bitch...! Oh well, if she hadn't been a cheating bitch then you wouldn't be available and that would be a shame.
      Fine, go ahead and hold me as tight as you need, I think now as I myself squeeze him to me. He lets out a moderately-shaky exhale as he kisses me with renewed vigor and squeezes me again, this time not quite to the point of being painful.
      Then, his hand moves to my butt as he pulls me hard against him. Yes, I know, Bryce.
     Oh shit, that feels so damn good! I think as he starts massaging me, and I hear myself groan uncontrollably. The man has magic hands! I think as my knees actually buckle for half a second before I can recover. The hand that had been holding my face only moments before moves to the buttons of my shirt. Now, I'm wearing a swimsuit underneath my clothes, but he doesn't know that. He successfully undoes two buttons at an incredible speed before he gets stuck on the third since the tie underneath it causes the fabric to pull the fastenings tighter.
      Time to stop, I think as I hear him growl in frustration.

      I succeed in taking a step backwards with an apologetic look on my face. I can't look him in the eyes right now as I try to figure out how to say that we'd taken that far enough. I feel as first one, then the other of his hands get hold of my waist before he closes the gap between us again. I think he's grinning at me as he tilts his head down to try to put his face in my line of vision. It's like we're playing tag or something because he keeps trying to get me to look at him and I keep looking away.
      "Bryce..." I whine, close my eyes, and crash my forehead into his chest. He just chuckles and wraps his arms around me in a simple fashion.
       "So what do you want to do today?" he asks.
       "I need to go computer shopping," I mumble into his shirt and wonder what detergent he uses.
       "Huh?" he asks, obviously not expecting that answer.
     "My computer died. It's not getting better; it's completely stone dead. I think the hard drive melted," I explain. "And I can't very well write without one."
       "You could use mine," he offers unexpectedly.
       I lift my head up to look at him and ask, "Really?"
       He shrugs and says, "Yeah. Why not? I only use the thing to balance the books and play random games sometimes."

       He reaches up to try and brush some of my hair out of my face, but it falls right back to where it was almost immediately.
       "That's very nice of you to offer, but I really need to buy one of my own," I say quietly.
      "But if you wind up using mine all the time then that's just one more reason for you to be over here more often," he says with a triumphant smile.
       "But I do all my writing when I'm not around you."
       "You don't have to stop writing just because I'm around, you know. I know you're worried about not finishing your book or something, so don't worry about it."
        But I don't want you to accidentally see what I'm writing about.
       "Oh that reminds me. Can I read it?" he asks out of the blue.
        I don't know, can you? The voice of my eighth grade language arts teacher sounds off in my head. Then I think, Shit, no you can't.
        "No," I say quickly. His mouth drops open in shock. "I'd be too embarrassed," I explain just as quickly.
        "Embarrassed by me?" he asks incredulously.
       "Yes."
       He playfully rolls his eyes and mumbles, "Artists." I lightly punch him in the stomach. He laughs, and I rest my head on his shoulder.
      I don't know how he does it, but he can go from making me extremely nervous and bashful to totally at ease within minutes. I ponder this as we stand here in the entryway quietly with our arms around each other and my head still on his shoulder. I thought for sure he would try to have a go at the last button on my shirt again. I wonder what he's thinking.
      I can't help it, so I ask, "What are you thinking about?"
      He groans, and I feel him throw his head back to look up at the ceiling. Then he brings his mouth down against the back of my neck and responds, "Do you really want to know?"
      Uh oh. "Um, maybe?" I ask, looking out the window.
      "I'm thinking... that I really don't want to go computer shopping today. Use mine."
      "But I need to," I mumble.
     "Okay, so tomorrow," he says and starts kissing the nape of my neck. I feel his very-short beard scrape against my skin as he works his way down to my shoulder. Then he mumbles into it, "I don't want to go anywhere today. Adele has an after school activity today, some study group thing to get her grades up, and I want to spend that extra time with you... here."
     "Where is your computer anyway?" I ask, not remembering seeing one downstairs. I lift my head up to see him grinning at me before he pulls me towards the stairs.

     His computer is in his... bedroom. He apparently wants to make me as comfortable as possible with using his machine, so we work on setting up a user profile for me right away. I also wonder what he's hiding, but I don't press it. Probably his little black book.
      Then his phone rings. "Hey, Jesse," he says into it, and my head snaps in his direction. He looks at me apologetically and pantomimes him walking out of the room to go talk to his friend. I shrug and nod, telling him that's fine with me. He, quiet as a mouse, lightly kisses me on the forehead and walks out of the room. "Yeah man, what the fuck?!" I hear him ask before he closes the door.

     So, I log on to my online account to add a little to my book while he talks (argues probably) to his so-called best friend.

     No, I don't like how I made Lance react to that. That's not him, I think as I hit enter about twenty times to put a huge break in between what I wrote and what I'm going to replace it with so I don't have to delete it yet. Then, my mind goes blank.
     Honestly, all I can think about at the moment is what happened with Jesse, and I wonder what he and Bryce are talking about. I wonder why I'm not privy to that conversation. It's probably about me for Pete's sake.
      I growl, close out the browser, and get up to walk out on the balcony.

       I prefer being outside anyway. My next computer is definitely going to be a laptop. Maybe I can get one of those notebook things if they're cheaper.
       It's gorgeous out here, I think as I look out over the ocean. Then I remember my dream and my saving golden cloud. That was Bryce?
       I lean down on the railing with my cheek in my hand, my hip cocked out at an angle. I glance over at the house next door. Whoever lives there is home right now, and I randomly wonder who they are.
       I wonder how long Bryce and Jesse are going to argue? I wonder how long it'll be before I don't feel weird around Jesse? I dread seeing him again, but I know it's inevitable. I sigh and stand up straighter as I look almost longingly down at Bryce's pool. It's really turning into a hot day.

        Bryce has been talking to Jesse for a solid half hour now probably. I wonder if that's normal or if it isn't. I find it strange that I really have no idea if it is or it isn't... strange that I know so little about him yet I think I've fallen in love with him. He told me he loves me. I don't know if I can handle that right now.

      Suddenly, warm hands wrap around my middle from behind me. I gasp in surprise, but then I smile when I consider how he successfully sneaked up behind me.
       "I thought you were supposed to be writing," he teases me as his arms tighten their hold.
       I laugh quietly and say, "I got stuck on this one part. I may have to go back and delete almost a whole chapter so that I don't back myself into that corner that I backed myself into."
       "You know... I might be able to help. But, oh that's right... you won't let me read it!" he says, and I can't quite determine if his voice sounds irritated, teasing or both. "What on earth would embarrass you if I read it?" he asks, now with a moderately pouting voice. "What's it about anyway?"
       Oh shit, I think in a mild panic as I feel myself blush. "Bryce, don't worry about the book. It's a fail anyway. I'm going to publish it under a different name and make absolutely nothing off of it. Then, I'm going to write a few children's books that will hopefully be more successful."
       "You're trying to distract me from my question; I know this tactic. You don't want to even tell me what it's about, do you?"
       I let out a huff. "Why do you even want to know?"
       "Because I was just being nice earlier when I asked if I could read it, but then you said no which made me curious. Now you won't even tell me what it's about, so of course I'm dying to know." He kisses the back of my neck as he pauses and I scramble inside my brain for something to tell him that won't give too much away. I feel him jerk his head up suddenly before he asks, "Wait a minute. Under a different name? Why would you do that?" He mockingly gasps and mumbles into my ear, "Is it one of those trashy romance novels?"
       I can't help it. I jump a little and turn slightly to look at him in shock to see him grinning at me triumphantly.
       "It is, isn't it?" he says as his grin gets wider.
       "Um, well, I don't know if I'd call it 'trashy' per se, but um... " That's because I haven't gotten to that part yet. "Um..." I look up at him. "Stop looking at me like that."
       "How do you want me to look at you?" he asks, acting like he's just itching to crack up laughing but holding it in.
       "Bryce..." I whine, and I hate the way it sounds.
       He licks his lips for a split second before he says, "Of course, now I really want to read it."
       "No," I say and shake my head to emphasize my point. "But now I have an idea how to not delete the chapter and get myself out of the corner I painted myself into."
       "Oh, so I helped!" he says with a mischievous grin. He's not going to let up on me now that he knows what kind of novel it is, is he? I walk around him and back to the computer as he continues, "Just let me know if you need any more inspiration. I'd be all too happy to help."
        I groan as I sit down in the chair, and he laughs.

       My fingers move a mile a minute as the ideas happily flow out of my head. Bryce gets a book out of his bedside table and starts reading. I think he's only doing it to annoy me, but he's actually helping me (little does he know). I'll bet he thinks if I see him reading that I'll give in and let him read my book, but it's not happening.
       Still, just to make him feel better, I ask, "So, what are you reading?"
       I can almost hear him grinning as he answers, "Wouldn't you like to know?"
     I glance out of the corner of my eye and see he's reading a cookbook. A cookbook? "Find any good recipes to try?" I ask and bite my lip to hide my smile.
     He doesn't miss a beat and answers, "Actually, I found one for a mac and cheese casserole that I might actually be able to cook. Pam gave me this thing years ago. Today's the first time I've cracked it open." He turns a page.

        He continues, "I just wanted to show that I do occasionally like to read. Especially if it's a topic that interests me. You know, for instance, like what's going on inside your head for that trashy romance novel you're writing." I roll my eyes, but he doesn't see so he keeps going. "I don't usually read those types of books, but I think I could make an exception."
        Ignoring his intended topic, I ask, "So what kind of books do you like to read?"
       "Science fiction and fantasy mostly. Though, not the kind of 'fantasy' that you're writing about. I mean like Dungeons and Dragons type stuff." He turns another page. "Maybe I've been missing out."
       Well, you're not starting with this one, I think as the two of us get quiet again. It's not long before his presence begins to wear on my nerves. Why does he have to want to read it? Why does he have to be so damn persistent about it? I get so caught up in wondering why he's so desperately wanting to read it that I lose the line of thoughts I had before I can type them up. I hate it when this happens.

      With an exasperated sigh, I rest my head in my hand and pick at the bottom of his monitor absently. What the hell am I going to do about Clara? She's gotta go, but I don't know how. Maybe Lance could come home early from his business trip and find her being cruel to Amy... but where does Leandra fit into this? Or does she even have to? This book is really starting to piss me off. Leandra just needs to fucking tell him she loves him already!
      But she doesn't know how. 

       Oh boy, how's that for an obvious parallel? I really hope this doesn't mean I'm Leandra. And the worst is Lance is getting farther removed from Bryce all the time... he's... Sean. Damn it, he's based around fucking Sean! No wonder Leandra doesn't want to tell him.
       I am so messed .... up. No wonder this book is turning into shit! I may as well scrap the whole thing and start over. I mean, I started it without any clear plan or developed characters. I was just happy I was writing. Great. Another failure in my life. Maybe I should just say fuck it and go get a real job. A tear escapes my eye and runs down the length of my nose.

       I move to wipe it away and Bryce is immediately on his knees next to me.
       "What's wrong?" he asks, his voice full of concern. I'd almost forgotten where I was. I'm sitting here crying in Bryce's bedroom, having a pathetic pity party.
       "I hate it. I should just delete the whole thing from existence... do the world a favor." I reach for the mouse and Bryce reaches out to stop my hand with one of his, and with the other, he turns the computer off. Crap. It's on standby and this'll be the thing that comes up when it's turned on again. I reach for the power button.
        "Oh no you don't!" Bryce says in his parent voice as he gains possession of both of my hands before turning me to face him.
       I take in a calming breath before I request, "Bryce, let me turn the computer back on so I can at least close it out."
       "Later, when I know you're not going to delete it," he promises.
       "I'm going to start it over," I decide right here and now. "Now that the characters are developed better, I can fix it."
       "Maybe what you need right now is a break."
       "That's all I do!" I exclaim as he stands up and tugs on my arms, trying to encourage me to stand. With a small huff, I do as he asks.
       "Forget about it for now. Besides, I don't know what I was thinking when I mentioned you could use my computer. I should've told you that at the end of the day." He grins. "I was getting jealous of it."
       "Jealous of an inanimate object," I state.
       "Yes, because it was getting all of your attention," he answers first with a grin, but then his face takes on a more serious look to it just before kissing me.
        Jealous of a computer?! It's not like I was... like I was chatting with someone online. 
     He knows that's not what I was doing, that's ridiculous that he would make that connection.
       A tiny gasp comes flying out of me when both of his hands move to my butt and his tongue dips into the little hollow between my shoulder blades. The magic hands are back, I think and groan as he walks backwards, pulling me with him towards his bed.

       Well, I have to admit this is more comfortable than the ground. I think and jump a little when his tongue starts playing with my earring. Oh, that's good weird... and apparently he likes doing that... ... .... he won't quit and it's driving me insane! I whimper and try to turn my head, but he acts ready for that and stops me by holding my head in place. I hear myself cry out when I feel his teeth lightly graze me. As I squirm, I think, Oh my god, if this man can do this with just my freaking ear, imagine what he could do with the rest of me! I start fighting a little harder to make him quit so I don't end up screaming from the bizarrely pleasurable sensations it evokes. He just laughs quietly, almost pissing me off as he effortlessly keeps my head right where he wants it.
      "Bryce, please!" I rasp out. He laughs quietly again, obviously having way too much fun with this. I feel his free hand travel to my breast, and I'm shocked to discover that he somehow managed to get his hand up under my swimsuit top. A whimper escapes me again as his thumb starts toying with my nipple.
      Then, we hear a quiet, little voice ask, "Daddy?"

15: Surprise

Erin

      I'm exhausted, and I can't seem to keep my eyes open for the life of me. By some miracle, this doesn't bother Bryce in the least. I don't really understand why, but I'm glad he doesn't mind. I lie here and stare up at the treetops, thinking about how nice it is to feel so comfortable. The green blurs with the blue as what I see blurs in front of me before my eyes close. I am so tired.

       I can feel Bryce staring at me, but for once, I don't mind. I'm itching to know what he's thinking about, but the desire to find out isn't enough to occupy my mind and keep me awake. He said he'd tell me anyway when he finally figures out how to say what he's thinking. Of course, this makes me want to know all the more.

       I take a deep breath and simply relax as I think about how happy I am right now.

      I feel his fingertip lightly run itself along my jawline, and I can't help but smile. He's so sweet, and I'm so tired and comfortable. I have an urge to just bury my face into his shoulder, so I decide to do just that as I curl into him. Bless him, he wraps his arms around me lovingly, and I can't fight sleep off any more.

      I'm drifting along on a blue cloud in a pink and purple sky. My little cloud is comfortable, and I look around at things as I pass them. There's not a whole lot to look at really. I appear to be out over the ocean somewhere. I stare down at the whitecaps as they reflect the sky, and I find it strange that even though I can see them breaking, I'm so far up that I can't hear the waves. All I hear is wind as I float along.

       I look out at the horizon and see a little island coming up, and right away I know it's my new home. I rest my chin on my hands, smiling slightly, as I lie down on my stomach to watch the island getting closer and closer. The water below me gets bluer and bluer as it starts to get more shallow, and pretty soon, it's the color of the cloud on which I ride. In fact, I start to have difficulty knowing where the cloud ends and the water begins. I feel like I might not even have a cloud below me after all, and I'm just floating on nothing but air. But air can't support me! I think frantically. Realizing this, I start to fall, and I grasp at the empty air as I wonder what happened to my cloud. How could it have abandoned me like that?

       Luckily, along comes a golden cloud to catch me, safe and sound. Relieved, I flop back against it as I hear it tell me, "I love you, Erin." I smile in happiness as the cloud deposits me near a small pond on the side of a hill. 

       Strangely, I look down and see myself sleeping in Bryce's arms, and he's smiling this wonderful smile like he's just so happy he can't help it. I see him gently kiss my forehead, and I feel it at the same time.

       I open my eyes to see him looking back at me with this slightly guilty yet happy expression on his face.

        "Crap, I didn't mean to wake you up," he mumbles. Then he looks worried as he asks, "Were you asleep?"

        "Mhm. I had the nicest dream too," I say sleepily. "Well, a part of it was scary when I was falling but then," I blush as I remember, "I was okay." That was his voice in my dream. Wishful thinking. Only in my dreams. I sigh and roll back on my back.

       "What was the dream about?" he asks, looking mildly concerned.

       I look up at him and debate how I'm going to answer his question. After a pause that probably only felt long to me, I tell him about my dream, but I leave out the part about the cloud talking to me. That would be kind of embarrassing to tell him that... to explain my wishful thinking.

       He reaches up and starts running his finger along my jaw again, but I get hold of his hand and stop him. When he looks at me, confused, I explain, "You do that and I'm going to fall asleep again, and I don't want to fall asleep." I look up at the sky and see the sun has moved farther along in the sky than I thought.

      "Well, then what do you want to do?" he asks, and I can guess what he's thinking as he looks down at me.

       "I don't know. What do you want to do?" I ask simply.

       His hand gets free from mine, and he cups my cheek and turns my head to face him. His voice sounds breathy as he answers, "I can think of a few things." Then his lips are on mine.

     I get the feeling he's testing me, almost like he's asking 'Is this okay?' as he kisses me tenderly. I guess he acts like this because of how I was earlier. I'd started to panic. I'm just not ready for the level of intimacy that he obviously wanted what I guess was a few hours ago. He's not acting like that now. No, he acts like he has all the time in the world to leisurely enjoy the feel of my lips on his as he repeatedly plants slow kisses upon my mouth. I quickly want him to do more than this sweet, but almost chaste, kissing. Give me your tongue, damn it! I think, mildly shocked at my aggression.

     I shudder with suppressed lust as he traces the outline of my lips with his tongue with achingly slow tenderness. Frustrated now, I get a fistful of hair in each hand and pull him closer. With a low groan from the back of his throat, he finally deepens the kiss. I'd begun to wonder if I was going to have to beg. One of his legs works its way between mine as he rolls on top of me, and a hand comes up to cradle the back of my head. I guess he thinks the ground is too hard for me. I don't mind the ground, but again, it's these little things that get me.
      As he kisses me, I let my hands wander -- something I've been dying to do but didn't feel brave enough until this moment. I notice the fabric of his shirt is really thin. It must be an old shirt. He starts intensifying the fervor of his kiss, making my hands suddenly turn into claws as I rake my nails across his back. Neat. I made him shudder.

     He groans again as his hand leaves the back of my head and his mouth moves to my shoulder. I let out a tiny gasp when he purposefully moves his leg against the apex of my thighs. Again, my hands get distracted from their voyage of discovery, and a few times I have to work to remind myself not to rip his old shirt as my hands uncontrollably ball up into fists because of how he continuously moves against me. It's been a long time for me... a few weeks before I'd caught him with her, and now I'm beginning to wonder if it's been too long.
     "No hickeys," I breathe out as he takes in a good amount of skin from my neck.
     He chuckles quietly, and I lightly hit the back of his shoulders for laughing at me, making him laugh again.
      His mouth goes back to my neck again as he mumbles scoffingly into it, "Like I would mar this beautiful neck."
      "But..." I get 'marred' so easily. I'm unable to finish my sentence aloud because his thigh is back at it again. I can feel his erection press against my hip as he continues with his blessed movements, and I shudder again as I gauge the size of him through his shorts. "Um, Bryce?" I ask.
      "Don't worry about it," he mumbles, and I'm not quite positive I know what he means. I can only assume he's referring back to what I said earlier about not being ready for that yet.
      Yeah, but what if I am after all? I think as I groan and grab a handful of his hair to get his blasted mouth back on mine already. He eagerly obeys my wordless demand. But right here right now? I'm not sure I want our first time to be in a public place. My fingers splay out as my hands travel down his chest to his abs and lower.
     "Shit, Erin!" he quietly exclaims.
     I bite my lip, hard, to keep from giggling, but I'm afraid my laughter probably shows in my eyes from the look he gives me when he opens his again. I was right.
     With a pained look, he moves my hand off his shorts. I reach up to try and wipe that look off his face with my free hand. He takes that one as well.
      "Erin," he says as he presses my hands down into the grass on either side of me, "what are you doing? I barely have any control right now, and you're pushing me to my limits."
       I know exactly what I'm doing, Bryce. I wouldn't do it if I didn't know.
      I brazenly respond, "And you think you're the only being pushed past their limits?" I move my hips against his leg suggestively and continue, "How did you think I'd react to all that?"
       I'm a little surprised at myself. I can't quite explain it, but I wasn't like this -- this brazen -- with Sean. I look up and see Bryce fighting an internal battle that I can see played about on his face. Finally, he moans and rolls off me, face up on the grass for a minute before he sits up on his elbows.

      "What is it?" I ask, sounding insecure. I sit up a little and play with his collarbone.
      "I have to get to work. I wish I didn't because what I really want to do is drag you back to my place right now," he says in a mildly angry fashion. He suddenly sits up real fast and grabs my head to kiss me hungrily.
       The realization of the situation we're in finally hits me, and the mousy coward in me returns with full force. He said he wants to drag me back to his place right now! Right now? Now? Now. As in, if he didn't have to get to work soon, that's where we'd be headed. To...
       Okay, I guess I'm not ready.
       What came over me?
      "I'd better get you back to your place," he says quietly as his thumbs stroke my cheeks. I quietly nod my head before he lightly kisses the tip of my nose. "You wanna come by the bar tonight? Some of the crowd is gonna be there too." He winces. "I doubt Jesse though." I nod again.

      So, I go home and try to write some. It doesn't really work. Again, I wonder if I'm going to have to go and get a job. With a sigh, I change into a comfy dress and get my hair under control.
      Bryce greets me as soon as I arrive, but it's not long before Ginger comes darting over to me. She'd been talking to the person formerly known as pirate-man, and he looks a little miffed that she just abandoned him like that. Personally, I don't blame her. From what I met of him the other night, he's not great for conversation.
        Ginger starts spouting out words a mile a minute, and I have a hard time keeping up. She's being really nice; I'm just having a hard time keeping up. Before I know it, she drags me off, saying she wants to get to know me or something like that. I look apologetically back at Bryce as I'm dragged along. He merely laughs silently and shrugs his shoulders.

       I feel like I'm playing a game of twenty questions as I sit here and talk with her. I mention my reason for moving here as vaguely as I can. I figure I may as well mention part of the reason, but I do not want to give any specifics to anyone yet. (Well, other than Bryce.)
      It's not long until that Desmond comes over and asks Ginger to dance. I'm a little relieved. I can only take that much energy in small doses.
      I happily get to sit quietly for a little while. Pamela comes over and speaks to me for a little bit before her husband comes and steals her so they can dance. (At least that's how he put it.) Bryce comes over to sit with me for a little while as well, but he never can stay long. Apparently, they're short one tonight. That girl that complained of having no tomato juice the other night hasn't shown. Bryce is pissed.
      One of the times he comes to sit with me, I ask him, "Why not fire her and hire someone else?"
      "I need to, but I don't know who to replace her with," he answers with a preposition at the end.
      "What about me?" I ask quietly and look at the floor. I need a job. I realized that today when my writing session totally failed.
      "Absolutely not," he says quickly and succinctly.
      Surprised and a little hurt, I pop my head up in his direction. "Why not?"
       "Because I don't like to mix business with pleasure," he answers with a wicked gleam in his eyes.
       "Oh yeah right," I say disbelievingly.
      A more serious look gets on his face now as he says, "Think about it, Erin. I want to be your boyfriend, not your boss. That could open up a whole mess of a can of worms." He nervously glances up at the bartender and sees that the man needs help again, so he apologizes before going back over to help him.
       I sit here and continue to feel a little hurt that he would so quickly dismiss, even reject, the idea of hiring me. That does nothing for my self-esteem. Sure, I'm pretty sure I'd suck at being a waitress or anything like that, but that way I could always be around him. If I get a job, it'll take time away from him. Maybe I should write a short story or a children's book or something before going back to my bigger novel, I think as I pick at the paint on the table in front of me.
      "Erin," I hear Bryce say after a while. He sounds like he's scolding me for my almost-pouting state. I look up at him and he continues, "Dance with me."
       I sigh resolutely and get up.

      He holds me real close, and we don't move much. We hardly talk for a whole song.
      When the next one starts up (Love Bites by Def Leppard), he says, sounding mildly irritated, "Please don't be mad at me."
      "I'm not mad at you," I say quietly.
      "Yes you are. You're mad at me, and you're pouting because I said I wouldn't hire you."
      Irritated he can read me so easily, I try to push away from him, but he only holds me tighter, clamping his hand around my fingers in the process.
       "Erin, I cannot be your boss, no matter how tempting the prospect is," he says as his fingers spay across my lower back while he continues to keep me from stomping off in a huff.

      He starts talking again after he notices I'm not going to say a thing, "If you were always here, I'd never get a thing done because you'd be a constant distraction... even more than you already are. And I don't need to be 'distracted' about an employee in that way." He turns his head and starts kissing me on my neck just below my ear. Then he mumbles into it, "There's just way too many ways I could take advantage of that situation. That would be very unethical."
      "Oh, so this is about 'ethics'?" I snap.
    "This is about how I'd never get any work done because all I'd want to do would be you in the breakroom, bathroom, wherever we could sneak away," he mumbles some more in my ear. "Not that that's any different from right now, but you don't treat employees like that."
      His fingers start inching towards my butt. Irritated, I reach back with my free hand to move his wayward appendage back to my waist where it belongs.
       He looks at me with false innocence and asks, "What?" like he doesn't know.
       "Not here for goodness sake," I answer, still a little mad at him.
      "Are you suggesting we go somewhere else? Now that things have calmed down, I could get Jones to close up for me," he asks hopefully, and my heart starts up at a gallop. How on earth can I tell him that this afternoon was a fluke?
       I'd made a promise to myself this morning as I drank my coffee that I wouldn't sleep with him until at least, at least, a week has gone by to make sure that I'm not a 'flavor of the week' like so many others before me.
       "Hm?" he prods with a question.
       "I just want to go home," I say stiffly and get free from him.
      As I head towards my scooter, I hear him say my name in a shocked exclamation. He asks me to wait, but I ignore him, start up, and drive off. It's not long before I have headlights behind me. I glance around to look and see an Audi hot on my tail. Shit.
       I park in front of my house, and he's out of his car, jumping out instead of using the door, and running to head me off before I can reach my front porch. He doesn't succeed, but he does stop me before I can get to the door.
      "Let go of me!" I growl at him.
      "Not until you tell me what this is all about," he growls back as I struggle against him. "Is this still about me saying I don't want to hire you?" I groan in frustration that I can't get free as he continues, "Because I thought I explained that to you."
       "A little, but I'm trying to get over it."
       "Erin..."
       "Just it hurts a little okay? I understand what you're saying though. It's just my book is turning into a failure, and I'm starting to panic." About more than just my book. "My money isn't going to last forever. Now, please just let me go."
       "No," he says definitively before he locks his arms around me. "There's something else. You're running from me, Erin, and I want to know why."
       "I'm not running; now please just let me go," I plead.
       He ignores my request and says instead, "How can you not call you getting on your scooter and driving away without warning running? What did I do?!" His voice takes a desperate tone. "Why did you do that... again?!"
       I don't know how I can tell him. How on earth can I tell him that what he was suggesting I'm not ready for? ... contrary to how I was this afternoon.
      "I just can't okay?!!" I blurt out. "Look, I don't know what happened this afternoon, but it goes against a promise I made to myself." I'm grateful for the darkness because I blush. I bet he can still see it from my porch light, however.
       "Promise?" he asks me to explain.
       I let out a huff. Crap. "I will not be a flavor of the week, Bryce!"
       "Is that what you think?!"
       "How am I supposed to know any different?"

     Then he crashes his lips on mine. I realize I was probably acting a little crazy, but again, I panicked. It's just... all day long there was an incredible intensity coming off him, and it worried me. It was better at the pond, but now it's back like mad. I'm worried it means he's wanting me to up and jump into bed with him. Doesn't he know how easily I can be hurt, especially now? I can't risk that.
     I hear myself let out a pathetic, whimpering sound when my attempt to pull away is unsuccessful. He's right. I'm running. I'm scared out of my mind that I've already fallen in love with him.
       "Bryce, let me go," I say when he starts raining kisses down my neck.
      "Not yet," he says, lifts his head up to look down at me, flip his hair out of his eyes, and penetrate me with an intense stare. "You asked me a question about how are you to know you're any different from all those tourists that I only used as a distraction to keep me from thinking about what Ashley did to me. Well, I'm going to tell you, and you decide what to make of it. You'd better not think I'm lying when I tell you that I love you. Because I do. I don't know how, but I do. Now, please don't feel like you have to say something, okay? Because you don't. That's what I was trying to figure out how to say at the pond today. I told you while you were sleeping, hoping that would get it out of my system for a while, but it didn't work turns out." My cloud? My cloud was real? "I love you, Erin," he says again and kisses me before I can say anything back.
       I stand here and try to digest what he just said while he passionately kisses me. But.... but but but ... How? Why? When? Holy crap he's shaking! I start shaking as well, scared out of my mind again. I get the feeling he's afraid to stop kissing me because he doesn't want to hear what I might have to say. After all, he'd told me to not feel like I have to say something in response to what he said, and, even though I'm pretty damn sure I love him too, I'm not as brave as he is. I just don't trust him yet. So does that mean he worries whether or not he trusts me? Is that part of the reason why he's shaking? That has to be it. I hear myself whimper again. I'm really surprised. ... 
       I'm really scared.
       He stops kissing me and places two fingers over my mouth, obviously asking me not to speak. I feel my brows come together in worry as he says, "Now, I'm going to say goodnight and then go back before Jones sends out a search party. I have tomorrow off, and I'd very much like it if you came by my place in the morning as early as you feel like." Then he mumbles under his breath, "I doubt I'll sleep anyway." He continues in his regular voice, "Nod your head if that's okay." I nod my head. "Thank you," he breathes. Then a pained look crosses his face before he removes his fingers, kisses me lightly, and says, "Goodnight," before turning and walking down the stairs.
       I unlock my door as fast as lightning and spin myself into the house.

       He loves me? He said he does. Me? Yes.
       He loves me!
       I slowly run my back along the wall as I sink to the floor, not sure I should trust my legs right now.