98: Lax

Marie

     Jesse and I leave the park and go to help at The Flamingo construction site for a few hours. After the two of us help Bryce clean the new windows, we arrive back at Jesse's place, and right after we get out of Martha, a Mercedes drives up and parks in front of the house. The door of it opens, and Desmond steps out.

     "Hey, Des, what's up?" Jesse asks curiously.

     "Hi, Jesse," he says quickly, nodding in his direction for a split-second. Then, his face snaps to me as he asks, "Marie, may I speak with you a moment?"

     I stand here with wide eyes before finally answering, "Sure, I guess." I hope this isn't about what I think it may be about.

     "Thank you," he says, and Jesse invites him inside.

     We walk into the living room, and Jesse asks him if he wants anything to drink. Desmond tells him he doesn't, that he's here on business. My stomach sinks with that revelation. Now, I know exactly why he's here. He's contacted me a few times to talk to me about testifying on Bryce's behalf, and each time, I've told him I don't want to testify at all.

    "Marie," Desmond says, "I'm pretty sure you know that Bryce's court date is in a few days."

     "Yes," I say quietly, looking at the floor instead of the intensely commanding expression in Desmond's eyes. Jesse's feet shuffle around.

     "One of the main reasons Bryce fired Simon was that Simon harassed you; however, without your help, Bryce has a weak case. You've told me you don't want to testify, but I'm here to tell you that if you refuse, I will get a subpoena," he states bluntly.

     "He didn't harass me. It was a misunderstanding."

     Jesse explodes. "Like hell it was! He made a pass at you; you told him to back off; he didn't. You can't get more textbook harassment than that! He made your working environment uncomfortable!"

     "So I wasn't comfortable! It wasn't all his fault! I needed to get over it!" I yell back at him.

     Desmond calmly states, "You were happy when Bryce fired him."

     I turn to him again and reply, "Yes. I didn't like him."

     Desmond's eyes hold my attention as he says, "Marie, Bryce fired Simon mostly for your benefit. He believed you were harassed and that it would only continue if he didn't fire him. Is this how you're going to thank him?"

     My face gets hot and my heart starts racing as I face this arrogant man. "I didn't ask him to fire Simon! Yes, I admit to being happy he did, but I could've handled it!"

     "Whether or not you could've 'handled it' isn't up for question. The fact remains that Simon would only continue to harass you, making your working environment miserable," Desmond says clearly, but only an idiot would fail to see the underlying anger in his eyes.

      I fold my arms defensively and toss my head. "I can't say for sure that is what would have happened."

     Jesse speaks up. "I know that fucker, and yes, he would have. He would've tried again."

     "And I would handle it like before, making him stop by force if needed, just like you know I can."

     Jesse's face blanches, and he steps back like I've slapped him.

     I swallow thickly. "We can never know for sure what would've happened." I hate the look I put on Jesse's face. He looks like he now sees himself as no better than Simon, that the only difference is that I'm actually attracted to him.

     Jesse's voice sounds hoarse as he says, "Marie, you were shaking. You yourself told me you were too uncomfortable to work alone with him that day."

     "I changed my mind. I was overreacting then."

     "That doesn't matter. The fact remains that he made you that uncomfortable," Desmond gets in because Jesse looks like he can't find his voice. "If that's what you told Jesse that you were too uncomfortable to stay, that's enough."
     "Then get Jesse on the stand since he was there, but leave me out of it. Unless you want me telling the judge that I think it was a misunderstanding." Leave me alone!
     "Why do you insist upon calling it a misunderstanding?" he growls out.
     "Because that is what it was." I fold my arms again. "I don't want to get up there and make Bryce look like an idiot."
     "One way or another, Marie, you're getting on that stand."
     "Desmond, don't make me do this! I will have to tell the truth! And the truth is that nothing happened."
      He pauses, and then a calculating gleam gets into his eyes. "I expect you to tell the truth. In fact, now, I'm counting on it. I'd hoped to have your support, Marie, but if you're going to make me do what I have to do now, don't say I didn't warn you."
      My heart beats faster. "What do you mean?"
      He takes steps backwards in the direction of the door to the hallway. "I'll see you in a few days."

     After Desmond leaves out the front door, Jesse walks out the back one, leaving me standing alone in the living room. I see him through the window as he walks over to his bar and starts mixing a drink.

     I walk out the back door and down the stairs to find him with a glass already in his hand. He stares off into the distant waves before taking a large gulp of his drink. "Jesse?" I ask, hoping to get his attention. He doesn't look at me but instead takes another swallow.

     Finally, his sad eyes turn to me before he says, "You think I'm no better than he is."

     "No," I answer automatically.

     "You do. Simon wasn't the only one not leaving you alone," he argues.

     "Jesse, stop it," I snap and snatch the glass from his hand. After placing it on the bar's counter, I face the ocean, and my hands shake and fly up to hold my head. Too much! Too much! I don't want to think about this again! Simon touching me and brushing up against me and saying very suggestive things… Bryce thinking he needs to fire him… Jesse wanting to be a hero… Desmond saying Bryce needs my help or Simon wins… Jesse thinking he was just as bad as Simon… saying Simon wouldn't have stopped…

     "You would stop," I say my next thought aloud, "during that time."

     "A couple of times, you had to attack me to get me to stop," he counters, standing just behind my right elbow.

     "Simon was creepy!" I proclaim in a shaky voice, and my trembling hands cover my face.

     "And I wasn't?" he asks in a disbelieving voice.

     "No. He was… just wanting sex; you were passionate and loving," I say. Tense silence hangs in the air around us. Then, he gently turns me around, and I feel his arms hold me even though I keep covering my face. He's warm, and I rest my hands holding my face on his shoulder.

     He sounds calm as he says, almost to himself, "And even before the loving came about, I was only flirting. I wasn't being creepy about it."

     "Yes," I agree. My shoulders relax, and I'm glad that I stopped Jesse from thinking he was just like Simon before it could get out of hand.

     After several minutes of silence, I finally move my hands away from my face and rest my cheek against his shoulder. I hear his voice reverberate in his chest as he says, "Bryce does need your help, Marie."

     "I can't do it; I can't get up there and lie and say that I think he was harassing me when now I don't think he was."

     Jesse tenses, but his voice remains even when he says, "True that there is a very fine line sometimes, but I don't think that was just flirting. What do you think would've happened had I not shown up when I did?"

     I think aloud. "He would've been angry that I'd slapped him. We would've argued. Then, I don't know what he would've done." I pause. "The point is that I did tell Bryce and he did give Simon a warning. Then, Simon kept everything professional until you showed up that night. Of course, I was doing my best to stay away from him because I was uncomfortable, but-"

     "You were uncomfortable," he says, and I know what he's thinking.

     "Yes, but it would've gone away."

     "He would've tried again had Bryce not fired him," Jesse states like it's the only truth.

     "If that were true, I would've been better prepared the next time," I counter, and he sighs exasperatedly.

     "So what you're saying is that you agree with Simon that Bryce wrongfully fired him. Because if you say it was nothing but a misunderstanding, that's what you're doing in essence."

     "Maybe that's what I think, even if I'm still glad he got fired. Are you asking me to do whatever it takes to support my friend, even if I think it's wrong?" I pause and realize I called Bryce my friend, not my boss or my boyfriend's best friend or my best friend's boyfriend. Maybe after all that time I spent with Erin these past weeks changed that.

     "I'm asking you to see my point of view as someone who's known Simon for much longer. I'm asking you to trust my judgment. He wouldn't have let up. Sure, it might've been a while before he tried again, but he would've tried again. Even before he outright did anything, he would've done small things."

     "What do you mean?"

     He pauses to think before he answers, "Oh, stuff like brush up against you, keep his hand on your lower back for much longer than necessary, watch you inappropriately, say regular stuff in a very suggestive way, find any little excuse to touch you in any way possible… He would've made you miserable as he would think he was breaking down a barrier bit by bit or something along those lines."

     "We don't know that," I gently argue.

     Jesse takes in and lets out a quickly deep breath. "I did…all that stuff. The only difference is I wasn't your boss."

     Not again! "I never would've admitted it at the time, but I secretly liked it."

     "And that's exactly what he would've convinced himself you were doing: secretly liking it."

     "But I hated it when he did some of those things; it made me feel sick and… scared."

     "That is harassment."

     "It only happened once."

     "So you would've preferred it happen again before Bryce fired him?"

     "I hate to think it, but it would've made more sense."

     "Marie, the island's laws are very lax when it comes to this. Back home, for most companies, it was a zero tolerance."

     "Lax?" I think I understand the word, but I'm not sure.

     "Weak, almost allowing, loose. Bryce needs your help."

     "I can't do it, Jesse. I have to tell the truth."
     "The truth," he states. "Let's see. Here's the truth: He had his arms wrapped around you and was saying suggestive things into your ear. You asked him to stop, and he didn't. If it was nothing but a misunderstanding, he should've stopped there, but he didn't."
     I shake my head no, the memory of Simon's arms around me making me sick. "He might've thought I was being coy."
     "It doesn't matter, Marie. He was your boss."
     I break my way out of Jesse's arms, hating the memories in my head. "Stop! Just stop! Please! Only he and I know what really happened, and it was just a misunderstanding. Jesse, please. Just stop." I run into the house. He follows me.

     I don't go far, stopping in the living room. There's no point running anyway. Jesse bounds over to me and holds my shoulders.
     His voice is quiet as he says, "I'm sorry for upsetting you. Marie, I get the feeling you don't want to remember it exactly as it happened, meaning everything you were feeling."
     "I was just a silly, little girl overreacting to a man that came on too strong," I state stoically. I realize that not too much time has gone by since that happened. I've grown up so much these months.
     "Marie, Desmond is going to get you to say what happened, and yes, you will tell the truth, but you need to be prepared to see the truth in the right light or you will have to deal with the shock with everyone seeing as you do."
     I cover my eyes. "Jesse, if you want to give your opinion of what you saw, I won't be upset with you. But please, stop asking me to see it differently."
     "I've heard it's common for victims of sexual harassment to downplay what actually happened in order to deal with it in their own minds, in their memories. I thi-"
     "Jesse!" I say loudly. "Stop! I don't want to talk about this! If you insist upon continuing, I may as well go home!"
     "Stopping," he replies very quickly. "One more thing, though." I groan and turn towards the door. He holds my shoulders tighter and turns me back around before he says, "I want you to know that I will be here for you no matter what happens with the trial."
      I hug him, and he holds me tightly. We decide to watch a movie, the topic of the trial now taboo between us.