99: Insanity

Jesse

     After I get off work, I don't immediately head home and then to Bryce's house where Marie probably is. All day long, my insides have been eating at me.

     Marie is right. I still think it was sexual harassment, but Bryce did fire him too quickly. And it's my fault. He did it so quickly in large part due to me and my fit about it. Bryce and I knew exactly the kind of dweebish asshole Simon was, even if we didn't know he'd crossed that line. Still, we let him carry on like that right under our noses as long as he didn't get in our way. Bryce can't say that Simon was 'all of a sudden' behaving inappropriately. He always has. It was only when Simon went after Bryce's 'friend's crush' (not to mention flirt with Erin after making that drink for her) did Bryce finally fire him. I can see the little turd's point of view.

     With Marie not wanting to help, the thing that can really save Bryce now is getting Bernadette to say that Simon was harassing her too. That way, Bryce could say that as soon as he found out about it, he fired him. It's true. Simon admitted right there about what went on with Bernadette. However, Bryce tells me that she will side with Simon. I have a sick feeling that I'm the only one to convince her otherwise. If I can get her telling me on a recording what Simon did to her, that could be used to help Bryce. I have a job to do.

     I can't remember how I know where she lives, but I know where she lives. I want to hurl as I lift my hand to knock on the door, and I have to lean against the doorframe with one hand after I do it.

     I can't believe what I'm about to do. I think I'm gonna be sick. Marie doesn't know. I worried if I'd told her my plans that I'd let her talk me out of it or just decide not to do it at all.

     I press record on the voice memo thing on my phone and put it in my pocket.

     Forcing myself to smile, I dredge up parts of my player persona that I thought I'd never need again. My mind tries to trick itself into thinking about how pretty Bernadette is. She is… she's just crazy.

     "Jesse!" she exclaims after she opens the door and sees it's me.

     "Hello, Bernadette," I say slowly and make a smile grow on my face. "I came by to talk to you about what happened the other day. May I come in?"

     "Yes, of course!" she says eagerly and swings the door wide. However, she doesn't step far enough away to where I'm able to keep from brushing her in order to pass her. My skin crawls, but I quickly stomp that reaction down.

     "Marie caught us. That was unfortunate," she tells me after closing the door and walking towards me.

     I casually turn to the side and make my way across her living room, hoping to maintain some distance for as long as possible. "Yes, she did," I agree, pretending to be distracted by the pictures on her walls.

     "I hope she didn't take it too badly," she says, a seductive edge to her voice.

     "Take what?"

     "Finding us together like that. I may not like her very much, but I know that's got to be hard finding your boyfriend with someone else like the way she found us."

     "She wasn't happy, that's for sure," I reply, not mentioning how I'd explained everything successfully.

     "I'm sure you let her down easily."

     She thinks we broke up.

     "No, it was kinda hard," I reply, thinking of several ways it's true. The ground was hard. I kissed her hard. My dick was hard. It was hard to keep from getting all over her.

     "Poor girl," Bernadette says with false sympathy, reminding me where I am.

     "She's all right," I say reassuringly. Well, she is.

     Bernadette makes a tsk-tsk sound with her tongue and shakes her head. "I can't imagine she would be after losing someone like you."

      I pretend to be surprised and smile. "Someone like me?"

     "Jesse, shut up. You know you're hot as hades." She licks her lips. "So, tell me exactly why you're here."

      Too damn easy. She has 'fuck me now' written all over her face. Do I tell her the truth or keep playing? "Well… I wanted to talk about how you thought I always ignored you," I mention, steering the conversation in the direction of the past when Simon had abused his manager position.

     She fakes an adorable pout. "You did. And you told me you thought it was because you thought I was crazy."

      "Truthfully, Bernadette, I didn't really notice you as anything more than Bryce's waitress. You were off limits to him, so I treated you the same way." It's true… except I also thought she was a mental case.

      "Marie is Bryce's waitress. You didn't see her as off limits."

      "Bryce had Erin. Everyone was off limits to him then. I thought differently," I quickly make up.

      "So, if Bryce didn't have Erin, you would've treated Marie like she was off limits?"

      No, I think automatically. "Possibly. We'll never know because he did have Erin… does have Erin." My stomach twists, but it has nothing to do with Bernadette. I ignore it.

      "Hm. And he didn't mind her waitressing for a while, did he? Obviously not off limits." She takes a tiny step in my direction.

      "They dated first before he hired her -temporarily- to cover for Marie's injury. And while we're on the subject… that bothered him to work with her. I know it did because I know Bryce. He keeps a strict rule not to touch his employees." She'd better know what I mean by 'touch.' Yes, Bryce keeps that rule. Now, tell me who didn't! All you have to do is say it!

     She gets quiet for a while before she says thoughtfully, "The worst thing I ever did was start working at that damn bar."

     I very carefully ask, "Because of Simon?"

     "I don't want to talk about it!" she snaps and looks away.
     Whoa. Took it too far too fast. I need to get her to trust me.
 

     I reach up and run the backs of my fingers down her cheek, feeling pity for her. Hopefully, she'll translate my gesture incorrectly. From what Bryce has told me when he teased about 'pimping me out,' I'm the only one that can get her to talk.

       Her lower lip trembles, and she breathes out, "Yes, because of Simon." Her eyes look up at me apologetically like she expects me to get in a jealous rage. "I only let him because I thought it would make you see me in a different light and get envious of him getting something I would've much rather offered… you."

      "People say it's hard sometimes to get things through my thick skull," I tell her quietly, and she lets out a sad laugh.

      "Can't argue with the truth," she replies.

      "Hey!" I say playfully, pretending to be hurt. In reality, sympathy for her knots up in my gut. I wish that I had seen what was going on. I wouldn't have gotten jealous, but I could've alerted Bryce to it. Then she wouldn't have had to go through what she went through. Even she needs to have someone to truly love her. In a much more serious tone, I ask, "Why did you let it continue so long?"

     She shrugs and looks away. "Because he would've turned nasty if I'd told him to stop."

     "Bryce would've helped you." We should've stopped being horny assholes and seen what was going on.

     "Bryce the Stone-Hearted would've helped me. Right," she replies sarcastically.

     "Bryce the businessman would've helped you," I say.

     She sniffs and wipes a tear before it can fall. "I guess you could chalk that up to more of my insanity."

     "You're not insane, Bernadette, and I'm sorry I called you crazy," I tell her sincerely.

     "Yes! I think I am! I just do my best to control myself," she declares adamantly.

     "No," I disagree in a gentle voice, "you're misguided and lonely." I wince.

     She pounces on my opening that I wish too late I hadn't have left. "Then take away my loneliness and guide me."

     Time to 'fess up. I got the information I came for, but now, I hate to hurt her.

     "I'm afraid I can't," I say quietly. Then, I answer the question in her eyes, "I'm still very much in love with Marie."

     It's her turn to look like she pities me. "I understand. You need time to get over her."

     "We're still together," I admit and watch fury replace pity in her eyes.
     "You!" she gasps out. She gets steadily more angry.

     "You made me think that…! Why are you here then unless…" Her eyes widen, and before I realize what's happening, she reaches into the pocket of my shorts and pulls out my phone. It's still recording, and she sees it. "You asshole!" she screams.

     I watch like it's in slow motion as my phone hurtles towards the tile floors of Bernadette's apartment after she angrily throws the phone down. "No!" I yell as it shatters. It's been dropped too many times in the past, and this is its final fall. Pieces of it bounce up towards me. I'd tried to reach down to catch it. While I gasp, her sandaled foot stomps on the remaining pieces, grinding some of them into powder and further breaking different electronic chips and boards.

     "Get out of my house, you imbecilic monster!" she roars, grabs my shirt, and yanks me towards the front door with strength I never would've guessed she had.

     My wits now with me, I push her away and say desperately, "I'm sorry! You still can't let Simon get away with what he did to you."

     "I don't want to listen to any more of your shit, Jesse! Get out!"

     "How can you let him just get away with what he did?!" My heart beats fast as I try to save the situation.

     "Get out!!!" she screams at me before pushing past me and opening the door. "Now!!!"

     The crazed look in her eyes scares me, and knowing I've completely fucked this whole thing up, I dash out of her apartment and make tracks to Martha.

     Shit!