97: First Love

Marie

     Jesse drives me over to the park where I'd promised Andy I'd meet with him. Martha's windows are rolled down, and a warm, midday breeze blows my hair around as Jesse drives along. His hands tightly grip the steering wheel, and he stays quiet, thinking who knows what.

      I think about Andy and what he could possibly have left to say to me. I understand him when he says that he was only wanting to protect me from finding out too late about his brother cheating on me, but I can't help but wonder if he was also eagerly watching for anything to happen to make Dawson and me break up without him having any blame in it.

     I'm sorry, Andy, but I don't feel anything for you anymore.

     I don't look forward to telling him this. In his eyes, I saw that he still has feelings for me. Closing mine, I imagine what I'm about to have to do, and suddenly, I wish Jesse weren't coming. He'll only make it worse with his 'she's mine' stance he'll undoubtedly have. Even if it's true, his presence will make everything more tense.

      Before what I told Jesse last night, I was in a panic over what to do and worried that Andy might be able to do or say something to get me back. Now, I realize that impossibility; even yesterday, it would've been impossible because although I didn't consciously know it, Jesse is my other half.

     Wanting Jesse with me today drove me to seek him out, and I'm glad for that. However, now I wonder how I'm going to get him to stay back.

     While Jesse parks the car, I decide to tell him my thoughts. "Maybe you should just stay within watching distance. I don't think it will look as final to him if you're standing there glaring at him or whatever it is you're going to do." I see in my peripheral vision his head snap towards me. "He might get the idea that you're forcing me to say all that I will say to him." I now turn my head to look at him.

     "What?" he asks, his hazel eyes wide. "I thought you wanted me here with you."

     "I do, but not with him knowing." I reach over and hold his cheek. Behind his eyes, the wheels in his head spin out of control as he tries to come up with the perfect reason why he should come with me.

     His eyelids snap shut before he painfully whispers, "Do you have any idea how near-to-impossible that will be for me? You'll be off talking to a man that probably still loves you, one I know very little about, and probably wants to get you back. What if he has the perfect thing to say? To do? Something that might bring back up feelings you once had for him." His eyes open. "And you expect me to just stand aside and let him?"

      I lean forward and gently kiss him before pulling back to say, "Jesse, don't worry. I can't imagine the rest of my life without you."

      "Then-" He stops himself short and swallows the rest of his words, his eyebrows and lips going into a small pout but like he wants to hide it. His hand reaches for the one still holding his cheek, and he kisses it before pulling my hand behind his shoulder, bringing me forward. His lips brand mine with his kiss while he holds me as tightly as the interior of Martha allows.

      He pulls back to say gruffly, "Know that I'll be watching like a hawk, and if I think I'm in danger of losing you, know that I'll swoop down and snatch you away from him so fast that the only thing left of where you were standing would be your shoes."

      "You're sexy when you're jealous," I say playfully, hoping to lighten the mood.

      His nostrils flare for a moment before he quickly replies, "Don't mention sex right now."

      I smile and lean in to quickly kiss him, but he holds me fast when I'd planned to pull away. He refuses to stop kissing me, so I have to say against his lips, "Jesse, he'll think I decided not to show, and I'll have to wind up doing this later anyway."

     He pulls back and looks at me like he won't ever see me again. "I love you."

     "Then you have to trust me because I love you too."

     His arms loosen, and I pull away to get out of Martha. After giving the car a couple of reassuring taps with my fingertips, I walk to the park. Jesse's door opens after I've walked about ten paces, but I don't hear him following me. I do, however, feel his eyes… pretty sure on my behind.

     I see Andy sitting on the tabletop of a picnic table, absently twirling a palm frond in his hand and looking around for me. I step more out into the sunlight, and he obviously spots me because a radiant smile breaks out on his face.

     All of a sudden, it's like I'm fourteen, walking over to talk to my gorgeous seventeen-year-old, rebellious, hot boyfriend.

     "Marie! I got worried," Andy says to me in French once I've gotten close enough to hear him. He continues his radiant smile even though he can see that I don't match his mood.

     "I said I'd be here, but sorry I'm a little late." I stop about two steps away from him.

     Even though I'm pretty sure he hasn't left the parking area, I can feel Jesse's eyes boring holes into Andy and me. I worry that Andy can feel them too.

     "I'm so glad I found you. This island weather is good for you. You look gorgeous." His smile never leaves his face.

     My cheeks get pinker, and now, I can't help but smile back. However, I look down at the grass under my shoes as I do it.

     "That was Cristina's cousin you were with yesterday?" he asks. "Then you know."

     "Yes. You're going to have a bitch of a sister-in-law," I mutter, and he laughs quietly.

     "The news surprised me. My brother is an idiot."

     "He's never been the smartest." It's true. He almost couldn't keep up in school. I'd often help him with his studies, making both Armand and Cristina aggravated.

     "Especially since he let you get away, but then again, maybe idiocy runs in the family because I did the same thing." Now, I notice his smile leave, and his mouth falls to a drooping line. "I regret that," he adds, "more than anything I've ever done."

     This is exactly how I thought this conversation might go, but I still complain. "Andy…"

     "I can guess why you think I wanted to talk to you; I can see it in your eyes. You think I'm going to beg you to take me back. If I thought it would do any good, I would. I'd do almost anything to fix the past and stop myself from breaking up with you."

     "Well, you had a good reason…" He'd broken up with me because, although he didn't have a problem with a fourteen-year-old and seventeen-year-old dating, he thought it was odd for a fifteen-year-old and eighteen-year-old to date. He'd told me he'd wait for me to grow up. In the meantime, I dated Armand… and then Dawson. With me trying to juggle the two of them, Andy never got his second chance.

     "I don't think it was a very good reason. What I didn't tell you, Marie, is that I wanted to see other women my age. Sure, in the bigger picture, I was waiting for you, but I wasn't going to sit idly while doing it. You didn't either, and it didn't bother me…then." He stops, and I don't say anything. After a few more seconds, he continues, "But now, I see my mistake. I wish I could have you back because I still love you and always will.

     "But that's not what I'm most desperate to say," he says and pauses while I look up at him. "I need you to understand that I did not take you out to the ruins in expectation to find the two of them like they were. First of all, I did not take you there. In fact, I tried to stop you, remember? Second, I only told you about the two of them to warn you. I lost sleep over that decision for fear that you'd think exactly what you thought, but I wanted to warn you because I didn't want you to be hurt. I failed miserably.

     "And now, I see you are very happy. I'd worried yesterday that you weren't, but I decided that you were just shocked to see me. Are you happy, Marie?" he asks, his voice going up in pitch a bit higher than normal.

     "Yes," I answer. "I'm the happiest I've ever been." A small smile flits across my face.

     "That's good," he nods. "And I understand that the man sitting on his Volkswagen and staring holes into us both has something to do with that?"

      I turn and look at Jesse to see him sitting on Martha just as Andy described. He looks miserable, like a fenced-in puppy that doesn't understand why his family leaves him behind sometimes.

     "Yes. He's my boyfriend. I'm in love with him," I tell Andy while continuing to look at Jesse.

     "I'm glad. Your happiness means a lot to me," I hear Andy say sincerely.

      I turn back to look at him. "Thank you. …I'm…sorry things didn't work out with us." I wince at my trite phrase.

      He grins that rakish grin of his and answers, "Don't worry about me. I'm becoming a famous rock star! Well," he backs up a bit but remains playful, "famous in some places." He winks at me, and I find it funny. After I giggle for a few seconds, he says in a broken voice, "But I'll never forget my first love." He looks so forlornly hurt that my heart goes out to him.

      I say his name and throw my arms around his neck, and he holds me tightly to him. We both know I'm going to let go soon, and we both know he'll let me go. But for just this moment, this last moment, we're together.

Jesse

      I'm in hell. I'm forced to sit and watch as the woman I love talks with her ex-boyfriend, her first boyfriend, her first love. They stand apart and appear to be speaking civilly, but I'm ever alert, watching for him to either raise his voice or try to make a move. He's glanced my way and seen me a few times, and each time, I thought to myself, Yeah, I'm over here watching you, fucker. Try anything and I'll knock your teeth out.

     Marie throws her arms around his neck.

     I leap off Martha's hood while he clutches her to him. Why wouldn't he? The edges of my vision distort and fade to black, leaving only the sight of my Marie and her ex-boyfriend in their passionate embrace.

     She… to him… not… I quickly stumble through the park on my way to them, almost falling on my face a few times. My biggest shock is that Marie initiated the contact, not him. That alone scares the shit out of me.

     Before I can reach them, they separate, but the sight before me doesn't improve much as he runs his fingers down her precious cheek. He says something to her, but I doubt I could translate it even if I were in my right mind.

     I'm pretty sure he'll understand what I say when I tell him, "You sonofabitch!" I jerk him back from her, holding onto his neck. Before he can recover from his surprise, I punch him square in the jaw then drop him. He lands in the sandy grass at my feet with a dull thump.

     "Jesse!" Marie yells in shock before she stands herself in front of me, trying to put herself between me and the fucker, who moans and tries to sit up but is too disoriented at the moment.

     I pant as I look down at Marie's rounded green eyes. I love her eyes. They're perfectly green, not a hazel green like mine. Her eyes are like emeralds. Maybe I should buy her an emerald as an engagement ring. I 'bout near asked her to marry me twice already, a little bit ago and last night. I just got Marie back with me finally! And now this asshole wants to take her from me? Like hell will I just stand back and watch it happen!

     "Jesse, it was a hug goodbye. Calm down. It's okay."

     Garbled French shit starts coming out of the fucker's mouth, but I focus on Marie while I catch my breath. What? What happened?

     Marie hugged the piss-ant on the ground. She did it, not him.

     She said it was a goodbye.

     It hurt. There was so much emotion there in that simple hug, so much of a past that they share, that isn't mine.

     The fucker says something in an angry tone, but Marie tells him no and says something else.

     I lost it. I just… lost it.

     After everything I've been through these past weeks without Marie… seeing that… I lost it.

     I just made an ass of myself.

     "Sorry," I whisper to the beautiful green eyes.

     "No. I'm sorry. You've been on edge, but it was goodbye, and…" A cut-off wail tries to escape her before she can stop it. She looks at the ground on either side of her like she's trying to find something but doesn't know what. She says stuff in French, I guess talking to this Andy-dickweed who once broke her heart.

     "And I should let you have it," I finish for her even though it's been a few moments. "Sorry," I say to the turd while he stands up.

     "Fuck you," he tells me quite clearly and brushes the tips of his fingers against the underside of his chin before jerking them forward, the back of his hand going first.

     My fist clenches, and I roll my head around, loosening up my shoulders as I do it. "Ready for round two I take it?"

     "Jesse, no," Marie answers for him. "Please, I'll meet you at Martha in a few minutes."

     I give the fucker a hard stare as I say, "All right." Then I pull Marie to me and kiss her passionately right in front of him. I'm sure he gets the message. When I lift my head again, she glares up at me, and I smile back at her. Yeah, I'm in trouble. She might never understand why I did what I did, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat to let this fucker know she's mine.

     However, once I reach Martha, my mood further sours. My heart aches as I watch the two of them hug once again. I almost wish he'd kiss her so that I could pummel his ass into the ground, but I know that would kill me at the same time to see it happen.

     Marie quietly makes her way back across the park, and I don't understand how the day can be so sunny yet I feel so wretched. I have Marie back, but she's surely mad at me. Marie is mine, but she's not because her past belongs to others. She loves me, but she once loved other men.

     She gets in the car and sits next to me, not speaking. I stare at the steering wheel and mope, ready and waiting to be fussed out.

     "I lost it," I tell her, breaking the relative silence.

     "It's okay," she casually replies, and I instantly sit up straighter, my head whipping around in her direction. She smiles warmly like she's sharing a secret joke. "I would have done the same thing."

     Huh? I smile. She keeps smiling. Then, I laugh. She laughs.

     She's right. I can see her doing just that.

     My Marie is fucking awesome, I think before grabbing the back of her neck and roughly kissing her.

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Hopefully, by the next chapter, the pics will be back to better quality, meaning my desktop will be fixed.