68: The Question

Erin

     After I finish breakfast Tuesday morning and put my dish in the dishwasher, Bryce walks up behind me. His arms wrap around me, and I feel his stubble scratch me some as he plants slow kisses on the back of my neck.

     "I'm glad you stayed last night, even if it was only cuddling," he says into my hair. 

     I get the hint that he more than wants to cuddle right now as his hands hungrily travel over my abdomen. He groans and pulls me tight up against him, my back to his front.

     "Bryce, no," I say gently.

     "Still?" he asks. "Why didn't you say something then?" His voice sounds hurtfully accusing.

     "I told you. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. You wanted it, so I thought I'd be okay," I explain what I'd said before when he asked me about how I was after our last time in the hot tub. I woke up Sunday morning very sore and didn't want him to touch me hardly at all. I managed to keep him at arm's length all day yesterday too except for a little making out last night.

     "You should've stopped me," he says, still sounding hurt that I wasn't completely honest with him at the time.

    Suddenly, he freezes. "Erin?" he asks and turns me around to face him.

    "Hm?" 

    "How long have we been together?"

    "About a month I think," I say and smile a little.

    "A month," he states. "A month," he repeats thoughtfully.

    Shit. "Yeah, why?" I ask as innocently as possible. I still haven't started my period.

    "Maybe it's something I don't understand like the type of birth control," shit! "but did you have a period?" he asks with his brown eyes watching me closely. 

     

    I can't look him in the eyes, and the longer I'm quiet, the tenser he gets.

    Oh no.

    "Are you on some method to where you'll miss it?" he asks, determined to get me to talk.

    I shake my head no. Well, other women do. I've never missed it before. I've always been one of the 'lucky' ones to have a period anyway.

    "Um." His lips press together before he continues, "How long ago was the last one?"

    I'll claim it's none of his business! No, I can't do that. In this case, it's very much his business.

    "Six... maybe seven... weeks," I answer slowly, my eyes filling.

    He freezes solid. 

    I don't know what to do!

   "Erin, are you pregnant?!" he asks with increasing volume after standing perfectly still for about half a minute.

    Oh no. This is not good. He's pissed!

    I try to break out of his hold, and he only holds onto me tighter. "Bryce, let go!" I plead.

    "Absolutely not!" he says loudly. "Tell me."

    I start crying and keep trying to break free. Oh, why didn't I just start already?! Things would be so much easier!

    "Stop it, Erin!" he yells when I start getting violent, and I find out just how very strong Bryce is as his arms tighten around me like a vise.

    "No!" I scream.

    "No, you're not?"

    "No, let me go!"

    "Are you or aren't you?!" he yells loudly.

    I start frantically whispering, "Let me go. Let me go. Let me go."

    Bryce growls into my ear, "No, I am not going to fucking let you go until you answer my question."

    "I don't know," I cry.

   "Shit!" he yells while throwing his arms off  me and taking a step back with a wild look on his face. "You don't know?!"

    He's going to think I did this on purpose to get him to marry me or something, I think and start crying more.

    "So this is what was bugging you? 'It's probably nothing,' you said! This isn't nothing!" he rants.

    Since he's let go of me, I dart for the door.

    He's on me like a duck on a June bug, his hand circling my forearm and pulling me back to him. I only get as far as the hall.

    "Bryce, please," I say, bawling.

    He doesn't say anything but instead gently pulls me close with his hand cradling the back of my head. Yes, he's being gentle, but I can also sense that would change if I tried another escape attempt.

    "I'm sorry I yelled," he says quietly as he continues to try to calm me down. I want to say so much, but I can't stop crying long enough to get it out. I can tell he has a lot he wants to say, but he holds it in.

    "I'm... sorry," I let out with little hiccups. He's comparing me to Ashley right now, I just know he is. Shit, this is familiar territory for him, and I do not want that to be us! I start trying to break free again.

    "Stop trying to run, Erin. Please," he requests. He sounds calm, but his arms tighten the smallest amount.

    "I'm not her," I state with my sobs irritating the hell out of me. "I swear to you, I got my shot on time!"

     "Shot?" he asks in a sort of daze. "You're on the shot?"

     "Well yeah, you don't see me with a pack of pills do you? I'm not trying to get pregnant," I say with a mildly-stronger voice. If I am, then both of his children will have been surprises/accidents, I think and start bawling again.

    "Have you taken a test?" he asks calmly while stroking my back.

    "I'm afraid to. I keep waiting for mother nature to hurry up and pay me a visit," I say in between my tears.

    "And in your waiting, you decided not to tell me about it," he states with a touch of anger.

    "Why get you worried if you didn't have to be?"

    "Why in hell would I want you to worry alone?!" he growls.

    "I'm not her."

    He lets out an exasperated sigh and says, "No, damn it. You're not, so stop saying that." 

    He may have said that, but I know he doesn't mean it. I can tell by the way he's breathing fast. I know what he's feeling. He's feeling like the walls are closing in on him, and now he's trapped with me.

    "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm sorry to do this to you. You don't have to do anything. I'll... go back to Riverview or something if I have to. You can pretend like I was never here," I say, getting louder as I go.

    "Like hell I can!" he snarls. "Erin, you're not going back to Riverview. Would you stop it? Don't say shit like that!" He pulls me back and looks at me with a wide-eyed expression. "You promised you wouldn't leave!"

    "I don't want you to... feel obligated... about anything."

    "Obligated?" he asks incredulously. "Do you have any fucking idea how much I love you?" I don't answer, so he growls, "Stay here. I'm getting my shoes, and we're going out and buying a damn test kit." He lets go of me and looks at me warily for a second before he asks, "You're not going to try to run out on me again, are you?"  

     I hate how scared he sounds about everything. I shake my head no.
     He lets out a relieved breath, gently grabs my head, and kisses me on the forehead before he breathes, "Thank you."

Bryce

     Oh fuck, Erin's pregnant! Now she's going to think I'm only asking her to marry me because she's pregnant!
     I get up to my room, and I'm desperate to yell and throw a frustrated fit. I don't dare because that would scare Erin downstairs.
     The woman still...! She doesn't believe... ! How can she think to do that to me?! Shit! If she is, she'll always think that's why we're together! I'll never really get her to believe me! A small, panicked noise slips out of me. I work hard to keep it from happening again. Besides, I have to get down there before Erin gets the 'bright idea' to try and leave even though she said she wouldn't. I try not to think too much.

    I get downstairs and find Erin curled up into a ball against the wall. Her bloodshot eyes look up at me like she expects me to chastise her. It breaks my heart!
    I crouch down in front of her and wipe her cheeks.
    Is this the only way I can get a woman to stay with me? Get her pregnant?
    No, because Erin was ready to leave me anyway, I answer myself with a painful ache in my chest.
    I won't let her leave. If I have to tie her to the bed, I won't let her leave. I mentally shake my head at my crazy, but tempting, idea.
     "Let's go," I say quietly, and she nods her head before I help her stand up.

    Erin insists upon taking the test in private, so we come back home for her to go in the bathroom by herself.
     She locks the door.
     I go and have a seat on the edge of my bed to wait for the news that might change my life. Part of me wants her to be pregnant. Yes, it would be hell convincing her that that's not the only, or even the main, reason why I want her to marry me, but we'd still have a baby.
     A baby with Erin, I think and smile for the first time in what feels like ages.

     How long has it been? Surely, it's been at least five minutes. How long is she going to stay in there? Why don't I get to see too?
     This is driving me CRAZY!

     The bathroom door finally opens, and Erin walks out with an unreadable expression on her face.
     I decide I'd better stay sitting as I impatiently ask, "Well? What does it say?"

.........













to be continued...

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*runs and ducks away from things being thrown at her for daring to leave that kind of a cliffy*

*cackles wildly while finding a nice hiding place*

*stays silent*