79: Surrounded and Alone

Todd

     I don't understand! I knew before that she didn't want to be my girlfriend, but we'd hung out so much lately that I thought she changed her mind!
      I think back on the past few weeks. Adele came over almost every day. It was weird that she wanted to hang out at my house, but I didn't mind. Her dad scares me.
      Oh no. He's going to hear that I kissed Adele, I think with dread filling my veins.

It didn't work.

     I text Eddie. He told me I should try it since he kissed Helen and liked it. Eddie's convinced that me and Adele should be a couple too. I can't believe what my best friend has turned into.
     He thinks Helen is the prettiest girl in school, and since she's his girlfriend then that makes them the most popular couple. He's going around the school like he owns it. The worst is that it looks like everyone else agrees! When did this become important?
     Eddie (he wants us to call him that instead of Eduardo because it's easier and faster to say -- whatever) told me that it was embarrassing that Adele wasn't my girlfriend. I hardly know the guy anymore! We're eleven, and he acts like we're sixteen or something.

     I walk inside to hear my parents fighting in the kitchen, so I sigh to myself and walk into the den to escape. They don't expect me to be home for a while, and I don't want to get in the middle of all that yelling.

     We have a big piano that no one plays.
     "You're not my friend anymore!" I hear Adele's voice yell at me in my head.
      Sighing again, I sit down on the piano bench. Staring at the black keys, I notice they're grouped up into twos and threes over and over again.

       I reach up and lightly press down on a key in the middle just under and to the left of a set of two black keys. Then, I do the same for the one just under and to the left of the next set of two to my right.
      Huh. They sound the same... kinda, I think as I play the two keys back and forth

     Out of curiosity, I play the note just under and to the left of the set of three black keys. It's a little different somehow. Then, I randomly play the higher note under the two black keys before going to the one under the three and back again.
      That was cool! I think as I do it again. Then, I play all three keys at the same time. I have to use two hands, so I do the lower one with my left hand. It's a nice sound.

     Playing around now, I move each finger up a key to try out other combinations with the same space apart. They all sound good until one of them sounds broken... or something. Even though it sounds broken, I like it. It fits my mood right now and somehow makes me feel better.
     I try out different combinations of the different keys to see what happens and see if I can get a similar sound elsewhere. Sometimes it works, and sometimes I have to trade a white key for a black one.
     Then, something I play sounds like Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. I sit and figure it out while I sing the note that's supposed to come next before I find the sound on the piano.
      Before too long, I try out a few other songs I know, and it starts to become easier to guess how many keys to jump from what I remember the sounds sounded like while I was stacking notes a while ago.

     "What are you doing in here?!" my dad suddenly yells at me from the doorway to the den, and I jump out of my skin. "What makes you think it's okay to bang on the piano like that?" he snaps.
     "I wasn't banging! I was playing very quietly so you wouldn't be bothered by me!" I say back to him while getting off the piano bench.

     "Listen! I can play a song!" I tell him and rush back over to the keys to play Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star again. I mess up a few times, but I eventually get it out.
      "You're not old enough to be playing on the piano. It's not a toy," he says in a scolding tone.
      "I wasn't treating it like a toy," I say, trying not to sound like I'm sassing back at him.
      "You want to take lessons?" he asks, then he doesn't wait for me to answer. "Good. Go find a teacher. I'll pay for it. It'll get you out of my hair more, you and your little friend Allison or whoever," he says in an irritated voice.
      "Adele," I correct him, knowing he doesn't care anyway. And I don't think that'll be a problem anymore.
     "Whatever, but you don't touch the piano again until you're taking lessons, got it?"
     "Yes, sir," I answer and gently close the lid with a feeling of sadness. I have no idea where I can find a piano teacher or even if I want someone to teach me.
      Getting "that look" from Dad, I leave the den for my room. Once in there, I pull the jewelry box out of the pocket of my jeans and open it up. I'd hurriedly thrown the locket in the box before leaving Adele's room, so I work on untangling it now.
      That done, I stare at the locket in my hand, feeling hurt. I thought for sure she'd like it because Adele likes this kind of stuff even if she sometimes tries to play like she's got a tough shell around her. Even I think it's pretty, and I think it looked pretty on her.
     Why did she have to get so mad?! Why did I listen to Eddie?! Why did I have to kiss her?! I scream in my head and can't really think up an answer.

     I don't know, I internally growl as I arrange the locket like it's supposed to be in the box before closing it and putting it in my sock drawer. Mom makes me match my own socks, saying she gets tired of me losing them, so I know it'll stay hidden.

     

     I guess I don't have to worry about getting her something for Christmas, I think dully before getting out my tablet to play something.

Then Adele is weird

     My phone chirps at me, and I read the text back from Eddie. Adele isn't weird, I growl at him in my head.

You're weird.

     I text back. He probably reads that as me kidding around, and I don't care to correct him. I meant it in an "I'm fed up with this" way.

     We have a week until we get out for our break for Christmas and New Year's, and it's a week from hell. Eddie teases me unmercifully, and Helen thinks it's the funniest thing, encouraging him to keep doing it. Adele sits quietly all by herself at lunch. She even looks like she's all by herself when she's surrounded by people during class. I'm scared to go talk to her.

     By Friday, I've had enough of Heldo, and I walk off and leave them at lunch. They don't care. They're surrounded by all the other kids trying to get in on this crazy "popular" game. Guessing that Adele doesn't want to talk to me, I decide to sneak into the theatre, a place we're not allowed to eat in, to have my lunch. There's a piano in the theatre.

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The child piano poses turned out great the first try, and they're available here. All but 2 of the poses in the last shot I did, but I'm having trouble getting the dern picnic table to show up in Blender, so it'll be a while before they get released.

75: The Last Straw

Erin

    Adele has a birthday party tomorrow, and Pam is thrilled I'm here to help set everything up at Bryce's house.

     I'm a little worried about Bryce in regards to Adele's friend-who-is-a-boy, Todd. Todd is coming to the party, and it will be our first time meeting him since he avoids Bryce as much as possible.

     That's not fair of me to think that about Todd. I could be imagining it. Maybe he's not trying to avoid Bryce after all, and it only seems that way.

     Bryce walks in after meeting with the builders with a smile on his face. He goes on to tell me how the builder says he thinks the new bar should be finished in three months, record time, and they're using as much local material as they can.

     "Wonderful!" I say before I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. He kisses me back with a little more enthusiasm than I like as we stand in front of his sister.

     "Just came by the kitchen to share the news before I change my shirt," he says and pops me once on the behind.

      After Bryce leaves, I walk back over to Pamela, and she suddenly hugs me. She's a hugger.

      "I'm so happy he's happy. I know that's old news by now, but with Adele's birthday tomorrow and all ... it just makes me so mad that Ashley left them! But you being here makes things even better than before she left." She pauses for a second before she says, "She was always pushing him away like his affection bothered her, and I always feel a flash of anger at big family moments like these." She looks like she's a little embarrassed by what she said.

      I have a sudden understanding why Pam and Ginger are best friends. I can't help but feel Pam's outburst was a little awkward, but I decide to keep that feeling to myself since I can tell she means well.

     The next day, Adele's friends arrive for the party, and I curiously watch for Todd. There are already a few boys here, and Bryce's nerves are stretched taunt.

     The doorbell rings, and I go to answer it. A boy with black hair stands at the door with a mildly-worried look on his face. He introduces himself as Todd Baker.

Adele

     It's my birthday! I'm eleven.
     Everyone's here except Todd. He's convinced my dad doesn't like him, and I hate to agree that he's probably right.

     Helen and Eduardo, Heldo, are making me want to go puke. They almost constantly fight about stuff, but they look like they enjoy it.

     She told me a couple of weeks ago that she kissed him, and then he kissed her right back.

     Ew.

    Aunt Lynne shows up with three presents!

    Daddy and Uncle Jesse are talking about something on the other side of the pool, and I don't know where Erin is.

     Phew. There's Todd, I think as he walks out the sliding glass door in the living room.

     "Hey," he says nervously as he looks around.

     I roll my eyes and say, "Chill, Todd. He's just a dad."

     "Yeah, right, mhm," he quickly replies in a kind of higher pitched voice.

     I slowly blink once and say, "That's not chilled. Besides, it's not like you're my boyfriend or anything." I give him the latest 'Heldo' drama, and he laughs appropriately.

      I notice his hands are empty.

      "You didn't bring me a present?"

      "I did. It's in my pocket. I'll give it to you later," he answers vaguely.

      "Oh," I say, a little confused. We talk a little more before Todd's eyes widen. Then I hear my dad.

      "You must be Todd," Daddy says. His voice has a gruff edge to it.

      "Yes, sir," Todd answers as I turn around and see Daddy sizing Todd up.

     Daddy starts asking him question after question like he's interrogating him. I see Erin walk outside from the dining room, and I give her a 'help!' look. She winks at me like that's exactly what she's doing.

     Erin walks up to Daddy with some obviously made-up excuse to get him to leave Todd alone. Daddy at least takes the hint.

      "You look like you need a coke or something," I tell Todd.

      "Yeah," he agrees, and we go ask Uncle Jesse at the bar to get Todd a coke. Then, poor Uncle Jesse gets bombarded by all my friends from school wanting stuff too. He handles the craziness really good though.
      After I open all my presents, Todd tells me he wants me to open his present for me up in my room, so we escape up there while everyone else is busy with cake. Once we get up here, he shoots straight for Blinky, my pet chameleon.
      "Cool, look! He likes me!" Todd smiles over at me while he holds Blinky.

      Where Todd is standing puts him in front of one of my posters, and I can't believe I'd never noticed it before.
      I look from the poster to him, from the poster to him, from the poster to him and back rapidly.
      No wonder I like his hair.
      "What?" he asks me.
      "Nothing," I answer quietly. I don't want to tell him I think he looks like Cameron. Well, if he were human and my age.
      Todd puts Blinky back in his terrarium and says, "Well, here's your present." He pulls a small box out of his pocket.
      Jewelry. He got me jewelry, I think as I look at him suspiciously and open the present with a sense of dread.
      It's a golden locket in the shape of a heart.
      "Todd ..."
      "I thought it was pretty," he points out quietly. "I'd saved a little money all those times Dad would tell me to get lost, and this was the best one I could afford."
      He picked it out himself.
      He visibly slumps over. "You don't like it."
      I don't want to hurt his feelings. "No, Todd. It's ... it's great." I force out a smile, and he looks happier.
      "Let me help you put it on," he says, smiling now.

      He tells me that he even practiced doing this so he could help me put it on just like this. Then he looks embarrassed that he admitted that as he walks around me.
      "Let me go look in the mirror," I say to escape for a minute. When I come back out of my bathroom, Todd stands next to the terrarium, waiting for me.
       "It looks pretty, but I'm not surprised," he says with a nervous smile.
       "Why?"
       "Because you're wearing it, and you're pretty," he answers me and shocks me when he kisses me really fast on my lips.

        !!!!!!!!!!
        Todd flips his hair out of his eyes and takes a step closer while I stand here in silent shock. Then he shocks me again when he suddenly grabs my face and kisses me ... again! This time, he doesn't move away but keeps his lips on mine.
       When he finally lets me go, I take a step back away from him. He looks at me with a look I don't understand. He looks super-confident and proud of himself yet there's something else there too.
       "You!" I reach up to take the locket off as fast as I can. "You're not my friend anymore!"
       "Huh?" Todd asks. He doesn't look super-confident anymore. He looks like he wants to cry.
       I throw the necklace on the floor and run out of my room, down the stairs, and out the front door. I go and hide on the other side of the spa across the street before I start crying.
       How could Todd do that to me?! He knew I didn't want that. Did he think that if he did it then I would change my mind? No!
       Did Heldo put him up to this? I could see them doing just that.

       I have no real friends! I think as I curl up into a ball on the sand, my fingers pulling up little handfuls of the stuff and then letting it sift through them.
       'Don't throw sand,' my daddy used to say to me all the time. Throwing sand is rude.
       Well, so is kissing your friend when she doesn't want you to! I scream in my head and throw the biggest handful of sand I can right at the ocean. Luckily, the breeze is headed out to sea instead of inward or the stuff would've gone right into my eyes. Seeing that it won't come back and hit me, I throw handful after handful after handful in an angry fashion with as much strength as I can.
       I have no one! My mommy doesn't love me. My daddy is busy with Erin. My best friend is busy with her boyfriend. My friend-who-is-a-boy wants to be my boyfriend, and I don't want it! Aunt Pam is sick all the time now. Baby Jer-jer is too stupid to count. Uncle Simon works. So does Aunt Lynne. Uncle Jesse even spends all his time with the new girl.

      I have nobody! I scream in my head as I violently throw handful after handful of sand, working up a large cloud of it, but I don't care. No matter how hard I throw, I can't get rid of the anger.
      "Adele!" I hear my dad, and I don't know if he sounds more angry or relieved. I guess he was looking for me. The sand cloud must've given me away. "What are you doing?" he asks sternly, and I burst into tears. He waves his hand around his face to try and break up the miniature sandstorm I created before he kneels down in front of me.

      "Why are you crying?" he asks and starts wiping my cheeks. Then, in a gruffer voice, he asks, "Did someone do something to you?" He's implying that it was Todd.
       I all of a sudden don't want to tell Daddy that Todd kissed me. I'm probably the least mad at Todd for what he did. It was just the last straw.
       Then who am I mad at?
       "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Daddy asks again, looking like an incredibly worried, loving daddy. It makes me mad!
      "I'm not your sweetheart!" I scream in his face.
      Both of us wear a shocked expression for a second before mine changes, and I say in a snide voice, "Your sweetheart is back somewhere at the house doing I don't care what!"
       I don't hate Erin. I like Erin. It's really nice to have another girl around in my own house. Still, there are times when I wish she would just go away.
      I don't understand the strange look on Daddy's face as he asks while taking deep breaths, "Did Erin do or say something to you to hurt your feelings?"
       No! I think really loud as I clench my sandy fists together and start making this whining noise that slowly builds into a really loud scream.
      Then, I do scream. I scream words to my daddy.
      "NO! Mommy did something to hurt my feelings! You did something to hurt my feelings!" I take a breath and see the shocked expression on his face. "You! Mommy! Aunt Pam! Uncle Simon! Aunt Lynne! Uncle Jesse! The new girl! Todd! Helen! Eduardo! Yes, Erin too!" I can't scream anymore for a minute because the crying takes over.
      I feel terrible for screaming at him, but I can't take it anymore.
      I look up at Daddy and see him staring at me with a wide-eyed expression like a tidal wave is about to strike and he knows running will do no good.
      His voice sounds a little hoarse when he asks, "What did we all do?"
      I don't really know how to answer that, so I ask questions of my own: "Why did Mommy leave us? Who's fault is it? Is it mine just because I'm here? What did I do wrong?"
       "No, Adele," Daddy says lovingly, but I also can't help but feel like it's a sigh of relief. Then he pulls me into a tight hug that I don't feel like hugging him back. I'm still too mad. I'm too exhausted from my yelling and throwing sand earlier to either hug him or push him away.
      "It's not your fault," Daddy says quietly and kisses the side of my head.
      "Then why?" I whine out my question.
      "I thought you knew. She left because she wanted to go live with another man in Bridgeport that she met on the internet."
      "Why did she want to do that?"
      "Because she fell in love with him."
      I start getting mad again. "And she loved him more than me, more than you?!"
      "More than me," he answers sadly.
      I try to push Daddy away from me with everything I have, but I can't do it. "What did you do?!"
      "We didn't see much of each other anymore, and she started loving him more than me," Daddy answers while not letting go of me.
      Daddy made her want to leave.
       "So she loved him more than her child too?! More than her own baby?! I hate her!" I scream and keep fighting with him.

       Daddy's hands get hot as he says loudly (but not as loudly as me), "I do too!"
       Not as much as me! "NO!" I scream at the top of my lungs. I feel like I'm on fire. "Let go of me! You can't hate her as much as I hate her!"
      "Why not?" he growls.

      I take a deep breath in. "BECAUSE IT'S YOUR FAULT!!!" I scream louder than I've ever screamed before, and Daddy yells out in pain as I throw myself off him.

        There's a red rim around everything when I furiously look at Daddy as he holds his arms with either hand. When he moves his hands to check, I see burn marks on him in the shape of my hands. He acts like it really hurts because he takes short breaths and closes his eyes real tight every time he blinks. He drops down to stand on his knees.
        My heart is racing as I think, Those are my handprints. I burned my daddy? How?
       I start breathing really fast as I look at my hands. They look like they always looked, and the red around everything goes away slowly.
       What's wrong with me?! How did I burn Daddy?! I scream in my head as I keep looking at my hands and Daddy keeps taking short breaths.
       "Pam," Daddy gasps out. "Get Aunt Pam."
       "I'm sorry Daddy!" I say in a panicked voice.
       "It's okay," he gasps really fast. "Get Pam."
       "Okay," I say and run off to find my aunt.

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Thank you, gemly_teddie, for making the daddy/daughter tantrum poses for me! It was so nice to not have to do that, and you did a fabulous job.

Thank you, jazen, for giving Adele her angry voice. :)

58: Beyond the Boundaries of Friendship

Adele

    Aunt Pam lets me escape. I think she understands when I say I'm going to go to the snack truck what I'm really going to do.
    Todd had sent me a text asking me to meet him. I ate dinner at Aunt Pam's, but Todd says he's still hungry. His dad gave him a little money to go spend if he would just get lost. His dad's head chef at White Shores resort, and his mom works there too doing something I can't remember.

     I stash my bicycle in the shrubbery, and I see Todd walking up.
     "Are you sure you don't want anything? Dad gave me fifty simoleons," Todd asks me in place of a hello.
      "No. I'm good. You didn't eat dinner at your house?"
      "Yeah, I did, but there's nothing like a greasy hamburger."
       Ew, I think and watch as Todd orders his food. He orders fries as well, claiming that I can eat some if I want. I can't resist, and I get the feeling he didn't order them for himself at all because he only eats two.
      When we both finish eating (I can't believe how much he can eat!), we toss our trash in the bin and have a seat at one of the benches just because.

     The moderately-loud hum of the refrigerator for the truck tries to drown out Todd's voice as he asks, "Does your dad not like me?"
       I turn to look at him with a confused expression on my face as I ask back, "What gave you that idea?"
      "He wouldn't let me go to your aunt's."
      "Oh that. He didn't like you inviting yourself over."
      "Well, I only did that because I didn't think you would invite me. Not that you were trying to be rude or anything. I didn't think you'd think of it."
       I shrug. "I didn't."
       "So, his only problem is that I invited myself over?"
       "I guess so. He didn't say anything else besides that 'because I said so' thing," I say and move my head around on the 'because I said so' part.
       Eduardo told Helen he liked her. Naturally, she's over the moon about it, and he's all she talks about now. It drives me crazy! Can we please talk about something besides boys for a change?! The result of Helen driving me crazy and her wanting to be with Eduardo all the time this past week is that Todd and I have spent a lot of time together. With Helen driving me up the wall, I prefer his company over hers. I can guess he's not going to want to sit and talk about boys all afternoon.
      I wonder if Todd is irritated by Eduardo as much as I am by Helen.

     "Does your dad know you're here?" he asks.
     "My dad's at work. My aunt does," I say, not telling him about how I left out the part that he would be here and that that's the only reason I decided to get out in the first place. If Daddy hadn't have told me no to inviting Todd over, I might not care. What I don't get is why was Daddy willing to let Helen come over and not Todd? Sure, Todd's a boy, but what does that have to do with -
     "I like you, Adele," Todd says quietly to his knees.
     "Yeah, we're friends," I say, assuming that's what he meant.

     I see him turn to look at me out of the corner of my eye.
     "No, I mean like you like you."
     Oh no. Helen was right! I stare down at my shoes while Todd scoots closer the tiniest bit.
      "Eduardo told me I should tell you," he says.
      "Because it worked so well for him," I say dryly.
      "Well, yeah," he says, now starting to sound a little unsure of himself. He scoots a little bit closer again.
      I don't like this feeling going through me right now. Todd is freaking. me. out. I want to get up and leave. I thought Todd was going to be my new friend. There Helen goes acting weird, and I find out Todd is actually pretty cool to hang out with. Now, he obviously wants us to be a couple just like Helen and Eduardo are.
      Todd has the nerve to reach over and hold my hand.
      "Do you-" He starts to ask me something, but I throw his hand off me and get up off the bench.
      I turn to him and hope I don't start crying as I angrily ask, "Why?" I decide I really don't want to hear his answer, and instead, I turn around and run towards the relative, simple calmness of the beach.

    I hear Todd behind me yell, "Wait!"
    I can run faster than him.

     I slow down when I get closer to the water.
     How far away is the mainland? I've never been there. How long would it take me if I swam to it? I bet the sharks would eat me.
      How far away is Mommy? Why did she leave? Why did she want that man more than us?

     I hear Todd running behind me, and I quickly reach up to wipe away my tears before he can get here.

     I turn around to face Todd since there's no real point to running anyway.
     "I didn't mean to freak you out!" he pants.
     "I don't want a boyfriend," I say bluntly.
     "Oh." The small word leaves his mouth in a rush. "I ... just ... Well, I ... Why not?"

     "Because I just want a friend! Helen's gone weird on me, and all she wants to do is talk about Eduardo, and I get so bored with that! I thought we could be friends since you still acted normal. And now-"
     "We can be friends!" he gets in quickly. "Just like before. Pretend I never told you."
     "Pretend?!" I yell, and my hands start feeling hot.
     He flips his hair out of his eyes for a second before he answers, "Yes. I can do it if you can do it. I mean, hey, I've pretty much lost my best friend to your best friend, so that puts us in the same boat right?"
      "But this changes everything!" I complain as heat lightning streaks across the cloudless sky.
      "No. It doesn't have to. Please? Let's pretend I never said it. What I really need is a friend too," he says earnestly.
      "Do you really mean that?"
      "Yes," he says, looking me in the eyes.
      "Okay," I say. "And I gotta get back to Aunt Pam's."
      "Okay," he says too. "I'll see you tomorrow at school."

     We hug, and he says, "Sorry for freaking you out."
     "There's nothing to be sorry about, remember? Because nothing happened," I say back to him.
     "Right," he agrees.

Marie 

     Jesse grabs my hand and won't let go.
     I know he wants right now to count as a date, and I don't want to have to explain to him again that I'm not ready to date anyone. The last time I did that, we didn't speak for nearly a week. I'd rather go ahead and let him count this as a date than live through another week like I just had.
     I relax a little and stop trying to subtly get my hand back. Jesse notices. That's all I have to do is think about how miserable I was to make me want him to never leave.
     So what does that mean? I think as Jesse's thumb starts rubbing my hand wherever it can reach. I tell him I'm not ready to date anyone, but I don't want him to leave.
      I want him to stay, but I don't want this to count as a date.
      If it weren't for him holding my hand, I could pretend this was two friends sitting on a couch watching a movie together. He simply had to start holding my hand, didn't he?!
        I tug on my hand again. No, Jesse. Let go!
       "Why are you not wanting me to hold your hand?" he asks quietly in a somewhat-sad voice. "It's only a hand."
       I manage to find my voice, finally. "Because that's the real difference here between a date and just two friends hanging out."
      "You spent the better part of last night in my arms, Marie. I'd say that pretty much rules out the 'just friends' thing," he says, his eyes on the television as he brings my hand to his lips.

       I want to faint as he repeatedly kisses my hand, his eyes fastened upon the television. I cannot focus on what he said a minute ago because of what he does.
      No no no! This isn't happening! I gasp when his tongue slips out of his mouth for a second when he kisses my hand again.
      He turns his head in my direction a few seconds after my gasp.
      "Tell me, Marie. What is it about this scenario that bothers you the most?" His eyes look imploringly at me. "Is it me?"
       I lose my voice again. I finally shake my head no after trying unsuccessfully for several long seconds to figure out what to say.
      "Is it me being here? Do you want me to leave? I don't want to, but if you really, really need me to I will."
      "It is what you do while you're here that scares me," I say in a shaky voice.
      "Holding your hand?" he asks, and I feel unable to escape those hazel-green eyes.
      "Everything," I answer, trying not to cry.
      He watches me, concerned, for a few seconds before he closes his eyes and asks, "So you're okay with me being here so long as I don't do anything. I'm supposed to stay in one spot and not move a muscle." He chuckles a little with that thought.
      I imagine him standing perfectly still in the corner or something, not allowed to move, and I have to smile at the ridiculous picture it makes.
     "No," I say.
     He smiles when he opens his eyes before he asks, "So what then?"
     "It's when you want to do anything beyond the boundaries of friendship," I try to explain and start to feel a little bit more comfortable, finally able to say my thoughts.
     His smile leaves his face when he says, "That's terrible because I have this urgent need to kiss you." He lets go of my hand to reach up and cup my cheek. "And I'm guessing that's beyond the bounds of friendship."
     No, please! If you do, I'm lost. I try to turn away, but his grip on my face tightens.
     "I thought you liked it when I kissed you," he adds quietly. "You act like you do."
     I snap, "Of course I do! You have to know by now you're an amazing kisser. How can I not?" he leans towards me, but I'd anticipated this move. I force his hand off my face and lean back away from him.
     I hadn't counted on him wrapping his other arm around my waist, and that prevents me from scooting backwards. I press on his chest in an effort to ward him off.
      "And yet, you're stopping me," he says angrily. Then he looks like he chastises himself for getting angry. "Of course you are." The arm that has the hand that previously held my face joins its partner around my waist as he crushes me to him, shaking the tiniest bit. Next, he buries his face in my hair and asks, "Is that why you kiss me back? Simply because I'm a good kisser?"
      He's strong, I think as I feel like his arms want to hold me to him and never let go. We sit on the couch turned towards one another with him leaning into me a little. I don't really know what to do with myself. He's begging me for some verification that I kiss him back for a real reason. Oh Jesse, how do I tell you this? I really like you, but I don't know if I can be the girlfriend you need.

     His forehead plants itself in the hollow of my throat, and he exhales shakily. I don't know where to put my arms, so I rest them lightly on his.
     "Please. Answer the question," he whispers over the sound of the movie we've abandoned.
     "I'm trying to figure out what to say," I say quietly.
     He tenses up, almost like he knows what I'm trying to say and is bracing himself for it.
     "Then take all the time you need," he chokes out like he no longer wants to hear it. "Days, weeks, months, a decade ... as long as I can hold you while you think."
      My heart aches when I hear the pain in his voice as he repeats what he'd said after that first time he kissed me. Greg said the same thing to Mom when she asked him for time to rebuild their relationship. Jesse sounded so angry that day when he asked me how long it would take me to 'dump all this shit' I carry around with me. Now, he acts like he'd rather savor this moment than want to rush me ahead to a time when I'm ready to date again.
     The question was about why I kiss him back. Well, because I want to, but why do I want to?
     He runs his nose up my neck to just behind my ear. Then he reaches a hand up to hold the back of my head before he breathes, "Fuck it, Marie. I don't have to know why."

     His lips take possession of mine in a desperate kiss.
     "Jesse..." I whisper, hoping to calm him down, but instead, he uses this opportunity to deepen the kiss. I whimper like a lost child while his tongue devours me from the inside-out.
     "Admit it," he says into my lips while continuing to kiss me. "You have feelings for me too. I am not imagining this. This is not simply because I'm a good kisser. You may not feel as strongly as I do, but you like me. Why else kiss me back like that? Why else am I aching to kiss you other than that's the truest way you can show me, and I need some way to feel the love I have for you reciprocated?" He kisses me deeply again for a minute or so. "Well, I also kiss you because I want to, dammit."

     "Say it," he growls. "Say you like me."
     "I thought you didn't have to hear it."
     "I changed my mind." After a slight pause, he says, "You can't kiss me like that and feel nothing for me. Admit it." I freeze up, quiet and afraid, and he groans before kissing me hungrily.
      I've fallen into a trap from which I cannot escape. Of course I like you, Jesse! It's impossible not to like you, maybe more ... but you're going to hurt me, and I haven't recovered from the last time!
     "I love you," he says softly to me, breathing it into my soul before kissing and moving his mouth all over my face and neck.
      I can't take much more of this!
     "You're going to hurt me," I say, crying.
     "Never."
     "Yes, you will. You say you love me, and I say that was too fast. You don't know your own feelings, and one day you will figure them out and realize you never loved me. And by that time, I'll have fallen in love with you only for you to hurt me when you break up with me."
     "No, Marie! No! I'd never do that."
     "I want to believe you."
     "Because you feel something for me."
     "Yes. Okay? Yes! But-"
     He stops my continued fretting when his mouth triumphantly attacks mine.

     When he finally comes up for air, he says, "We are far beyond the boundaries of friendship, Marie. It's too late. It was too late from the second I first laid eyes on you."

56: Pandora's Box

Bryce

     "Stay," I demand and prevent a negative answer by making sure her mouth is otherwise busy. She makes some annoyed whine since I won't let her talk.

     Erin has been staying at her house more often than not lately, and it's driving me crazy. She'd stayed at the bar with me tonight while I worked. Then, after a strange phone call from Jesse, she tells me she wants to sleep at her place again tonight. She's slept at her house the past three nights! I got spoiled, I guess, when the bastard was on the island and she stayed at my place the whole time.
     Sean. She told me she emailed him and that was the way that she finally got closure. I hate that she contacted him again after all that we went through, and I worry that she's continuing to contact him all these nights she's not with me. I don't want to outright ask her, but I can't help but worry.
     She jerks back from me and says, "Bryce, you'll see me tomorrow."
     Yeah, tomorrow. Tomorrow was supposed to be Marie's other day off, but she's apparently gone and sprained her knee... and Jesse was involved ...somehow. I have to train Erin tomorrow.
     I hope Jesse knows what he's doing this time. Ever since the party he threw last Wednesday, it was a little awkward around Marie since I knew my best friend was mooning over her. Maybe things are looking up for them... except for her sprained knee.
      My hand slips down over Erin's delectable derriere, and I pull her against me, offering a promise should she come back inside with me tonight.
      "I'll see you tomorrow if you sleep here as well," I offer.
      "Get your hand off my behind," she mildly scolds me.
       I laugh and ask, "Why? I like my hand where it is. You have a fantastic behind."
       "I'll stay over tomorrow night," she counteroffers.
       "Okay. Good. And tonight too," I reply stubbornly. 
       "Bryce..." she whines.
       "Why don't you want to sleep here anymore?"
       "I just said I'm spending the night tomorrow."
       "But why not tonight too?"
       She shakes her head no. "Me staying here should be the exception, not the rule."
       "See, now that's where I disagree."

      "I miss you when you're not here," I explain for the umpteenth time. "Please stay." Damn it, Erin! I'm dying here! I work on massaging her ass.
      She groans and asks, "Why are you doing this to me?"
      "Because I can," I answer simply. "Because I love you, and I don't want you to leave." I'm about ready to throw her over my shoulder and carry her, kicking and screaming maybe, back into the house.
      "I told you. We need to slow down a little," she brings up her trump card.
      "Who says it has to be this way?" I ask. I've thought about that little 'discussion' we had when I sat, stunned, during her well-prepared speech about how we're moving too fast for her and for me not to take it personally yada yada yada, and I've decided that since she says she's over Sean then why can't we go whatever 'speed' we want?
      "Me," she answers.
      "You said you're over him. That's what was holding you back before, right?"
      "And I'd hoped to ease into this. I love you. My head is spinning though."
      "Looks to be screwed on just right to me," I say, hoping to lighten the mood a little with a very bad joke. She lets out a half giggle/half groan while I reach up and hold both sides of her face to check and make sure her head isn't spinning.
      I sigh. "All right. Can't blame me for trying. Tomorrow?"
      "Yes."

     I love kissing her, and I try to get as much out of this one as I possibly can since I'm 'looking forward' to another lonely night.

       "Don't forget," I remind her. "Swimsuit." We're going to the beach tomorrow with my sister's family... to one of the smaller parks to roast marshmallows and hotdogs and stuff. Then, Pam is going to keep Adele for us since Erin is... working... with me tomorrow.
        What was I thinking?!
        "I'll remember. Then it's off to learn the ropes!" she says happily.
        I'm scared to death Erin will make a terrible waitress. She's too shy, not to mention it feels wrong to have her working for me. I know other people work for/with their significant others all over the place, but I know myself and my limitations. Agreeing to this was a stupid move. Hopefully, Marie won't take long to get better. I'd rather have her working on crutches... or on a barstool learning to make drinks. Hm... "Yeah," I say, nonplussed still and scheming about how to convince Erin to get this crazy idea out of her head. She looks too happy about it.
      I grudgingly tell her goodnight and kiss her one more time before she gets on her Barbie-pink scooter for her short trip 'home.'

     I check on Adele before I head off to my room.
     How pathetic can I get? How did I becoming the clingy type? I used to find this incredibly annoying. I annoy myself now.
      It used to be that if I felt even an inkling of feeling for any particular woman that I'd immediately go out and look for a party elsewhere. I definitely don't have that 'out' anymore, nor do I want it, but I hate this loneliness!
     What the hell am I going to do about this?
      I all but got down on my knees and begged her to stay. I thought for sure she would tonight since she'd stayed out so late with me at the bar. I guess this is what I get for anticipating.

       Sure, she had to get 'home' so she could email Sean.
       Stop it, Bryce!
       I figured Erin wanted to slow down a little, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I want her to move in. She and Adele like each other, so what is the fucking problem?! This is faster than most couples take it, but I love her.
        I sit and try to remind myself how fast everything has gone, all things considering. It only just barely makes me feel better. I get up to turn off the lights before I flop down on my bed. Erin's scent on the sheets has weakened.

     The time afterward was hell on earth, but I'm glad Ashley divorced me. Now she was a real bitch. Damn, that woman would drive me crazy. A month one time. No wonder my sex drive exploded once Jesse got me 'dating' again... and sex was available all over the place.
     I groan and roll over to put my face into Erin's pillow. If I dig my nose down into it hard enough, I can really smell her.
     Yes, I'm glad Ashley divorced me. If I'd met Erin while I was still married, I'd have been driven mad. God's toenails, she probably would've dated Jesse. They get along a little too well I think. I kept her from going to his house, because she was concerned, successfully all week while he was moping.
    I pick my head up a second to get a huge breath of fresh air before I go right back to shoving my face into her pillow.
     I went through hell, but it turns out it was all worth it because I came out of it with Erin.
     She shone like an angel in the darkness that day in the park. No wonder I couldn't stop staring at her.
     Now, my 'guiding light' wants a little space... so she can chat online with her ex-fiance. I wish I knew for sure, but I'm afraid to bring it up. She's not telling me something.
     Why does she want to slow things down? I love her, and I want to be with her all the time. She obviously doesn't want the same with me.
      All these nights when she sleeps at her house remind me of when Ashley first left me. Maybe that's got something to do with it.
      It's weirdly poetic, but Erin is my light in the darkness, pulling me out of that time of my life.
      It's not fair to her to do that. I have to pull myself out on my own as well.
      That's it! No wonder I've been holding on so tight.
      I pull my face up out of her pillow, roll over on my side with my head on my pillow, and I hug her pillow to me.
      Erin can't do everything is my last thought before passing out asleep.

     Adele is out of school today for some holiday for some long ago battle. So, we're all going to spend the morning at the beach until I (and Erin) have to go open the bar. I've cut the hours down to noon to midnight so that I could work out a decent schedule. I've found an architect and given him the ideas I want. Then he recommended an interior decorator, and I took his recommendation. Now I'm just waiting on the architect so that I can decide when to close for construction.
     I like Erin's swimsuit, but what the hell has she done with her hair? Those pigtails cover her up!
     I walk over to her and say, "Hello, beautiful." Then I kiss her smile. I questioningly tug on one of her pigtails.
      She shrugs and says, "I thought I'd try something different. Why? You don't like it?"
      "Actually, no. They cover you up." I grin to her blush.
      "That's kind of the idea," she says then goes on about how she hopes it's early enough to where she doesn't have to worry about sunscreen.

    Simon and Pam show up with Jeremy. Simon walks over to me and starts talking about stuff going on at the fire station after I ask. Pamela gets Jer-jer set up playing with some toys in the grass while she works on lighting up a fire in the pit.
     Suddenly, she pulls some sort of archaic beeper out of the beach bag and runs over to show Simon.
     "Sorry, gotta go," he says quickly and runs down the beach.
     Erin gets up out of her lounge chair and walks over to ask me about Simon before going to skip stones with Adele. I smile, again happy that they get along, before going to talk to my sister a second.

     "Oh, I meant to tell you," Pam says, "Bernadette got a job at the school." Pamela used to teach kindergarten before she had Jeremy. She says she's taking a few years off for her second job: being a mom. She and Simon want to have more kids. "Working the front desk," she finishes.
      "Hm. Well, maybe her attitude problem will come in handy there," I say before she has to turn around to prevent Jeremy from sticking his hand into the fire pit. Erin and Adele's laughter makes its way over to me.

      Walking as silently as I can, I sneak up behind Erin before jumping in front of her and surprise her. I hear the sound of a camera taking a picture, and I turn around to see that my sister was acting just as sneaky as I was, following me with Jer-jer on her hip to get a picture like the one she just got. When she sees that I caught her, she giggles maniacally. Then she tells Adele she can roast marshmallows now. I guess it doesn't matter what time of day it is to roast marshmallows.

     I decide to have one; Adele decides to have three.
    Pamela plays in the grass with Jeremy, trying to keep him from eating bugs. That boy's hands are fast. Suddenly, a memory of Ashley doing the same thing hits me. The only difference is Ashley would just disintegrate every bug in a twenty-foot radius, and Adele would cry. I often thought we should just let her try a few bugs; she'd get over that real quick. Ashley thought I was nuts, trying to poison our daughter or something. I'd argue back that at least I didn't make her cry.
     Damn it! I don't want to think about her! Memories have been flooding back to me lately like they've been released from some Pandora's box. I don't know how to deal with them anymore, and they're driving me crazy.
     Adele's phone rings in the beach bag. I know it's hers because of the K-Infinity ringtone.
     "You can go to Helen's house if it's okay with Aunt Pam," I tell Adele while she reaches for her phone, suspecting I know who it is.
     "It's not Helen's phone number," Adele says.

    I watch her like a hawk when she decides to answer it anyway.
    "Hello? ... Who gave you this number? ... Why?" she says into the phone.

     "What about?" she asks.
     "Who is it?" I ask, irritated.
     "It's Todd. Helen gave him my phone number," she tells me quickly. "I was talking to my dad," she says into the phone now.
     Thanks, Helen. I debate taking the phone from my daughter, telling this Todd that she's too young to be talking to boys on the phone, and hanging up.
      Adele giggles, and I stand up. Out of nowhere, Erin reaches up and stops me from taking the phone from my baby girl. Adele looks at me like I just sprouted antennae and walks away a little from the fire pit.

    I spin around and take a few paces away while Adele chats with that boy.
    "It's okay," Erin whispers to me as she walks over to me.
     No, it's not. You don't understand. That is my baby talking to some boy! I want to scream. I keep quiet though.

    I feel a mild panic as I think about how much I've missed during my personal dark ages. While the new bar gets built, I'm spending as much time as I can with my daughter. Erin silently reaches down and holds both of my hands. She has no idea how much she really does mean to me.
     Adele's voice carries over to us, "No, I have a feeling I won't be allowed to do that. ... Because. .... Because because. And I'm making brownies with my aunt this afternoon anyway. .... I don't know; I'll ask." She turns to Pamela who's quietly watching the scene before her, "Can Todd come over to your house?"
     "No," I answer for my sister.
     'Sorry,' Pamela mouths to Adele. I'm grateful she didn't try to undermine me.
     "No, you can't. Sorry, Todd. .... No, it's my dad,"  Adele says into the phone.
     Get off the damn phone, Adele!
      Adele has turned and sees me staring a hole into her.
      "Um, Todd, I gotta let you go," she says. She hangs up, puts her phone in the bag, and asks me, "Why can't he come over?"
      "Because it's rude to invite yourself over and because I said so," I say and watch as she puts one fist on her hip and looks at me with a belligerent expression. I warn her to watch her attitude.

      "It's about time we go change, right?" Erin asks me.
      "Yeah," I answer shortly.
      "All right, well, I'll just go home and take a quick shower before I change."
      "Okay," I answer with a single-word sentence again. Erin looks at me worriedly but doesn't ask me about my mood.

     When I see what Erin has changed into, I have to work very, very hard to restrain myself. Did she have to wear that outfit? 
      This is a bad idea. 
       Please, freak out and come to the realization that you can't do this all on your own.
       I clear my throat and ask, "What the hell are you wearing?" Shit, that sounded awful.

    She glares at me, and I'm not surprised. "You said earlier that I shouldn't cover up so much, and this is comfortable for being outside all day." While I decide what to say to counter her, she says, "And Marie once wore a very similar outfit the other day, and you said nothing to her about it. In fact, you teased Jesse about his reaction."
    I take a step towards her and say with my teeth clenched, "But Marie isn't my girlfriend. I don't notice her like I do you."
     "So your problem is that you notice me," she says sardonically.
     This isn't going to work. This is exactly why I didn't want to give her the job in the first place. I already want to pull her shorts down and have her over the bathroom sink.
      "This isn't going to work, Erin. I'm sorry."
       Her mouth drops. "What? You're not even going to give me a chance? If I don't cover for Marie, who will?"
        "Jones and I will figure something out," I say quickly.
        "Bryce, at least give me a chance."

      "It's not you I'm worried about here," I try to explain without telling her everything.
      "Hey Jones," Erin asks, "would you give us a minute?" Jones nods, gesturing to the empty bar. Then Erin takes my hand and pulls me into the men's room.

    Once inside, she spins around and snaps, "Are you going to tell me what's bothering you? You've been in a weird mood all day."
      Thoughts fly through my head: What's bothering me?! You're bothering me standing right where I wanted to drag you not five minutes ago. I'm going to be horribly distracted by you the whole evening even worse than before because now I'm your boss for all intents and purposes. Memories of Ashley are bombarding me when I least expect them to! I'm worried you're emailing Sean still. 
     And I'm about ready to explode with lust.
     I say none of that.

     Instead, I attempt to show her what's wrong... at least as much as she can fix right now. I attack her.
     I let her have a moment to get over the shock before I hungrily slant my mouth across hers.

    This, Erin, I think as I grind against her for a second.
     Damn it! I can't do this right now!

     I let go of her and take a step back real quick. "Sorry. I think I'm losing my mind."
     "Does Marie clean these floors?" she asks out of the blue.
     Confused, I answer her anyway. "Uh. Yeah. Marie cleans everything. She's a real neat freak."
     "Good. Then I'll guess they're clean enough," she says cryptically.

    She grabs both of my arms and pulls me into the stall. Once inside, she reaches past me to lock it and then proceeds to undo my shorts. Then I figure out why she asked about the floors when she gets on her knees in the cramped space in front of me.
     Funny enough, I've never done anything in this restroom. Several other restrooms all over the island, yes, but never the one at work. For about half a second, I think about telling her she doesn't need to do this, but my mind changes the second her beautiful lips close around me.
     Oh holy fuck! I scream inside my head as I thread my fingers in her hair.
     After a few seconds, I moan her name as she brings her hands up to hold my hips. Why am I surprised she's good at this? After the hot tub... I can't finish my thought because I have to use whatever brainpower I have left in order to keep myself quiet. This woman is merciless! Does she not have a gag reflex?
     My hand flies up to hold onto the top of the door for dear life as my hips automatically work with her fantastic mouth.
      "Erin..." I moan a little bit later. "Erin, I'm going to .... If you don't want ... " She answers me by holding my hips tighter. Oh god, yes. That thought alone sends me over the edge, and I pour myself into her mouth. Shit, she swallowed.
     I stand here panting while she takes a small amount of toilet paper and wipes her mouth. "Feel a little better?" she asks me quietly while she stands up. I can't answer her yet. Not verbally at least. When I think I've caught my breath enough, I grab her and kiss her again. She makes a little noise of surprise.
     "Yes," I answer her question.
      All the other things can wait until later. I'll give this 'Erin being my waitress' thing another chance.


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I hadn't planned on the phone call from Todd to Adele. It actually happened that he called her, and of course, I had to make something of it. :)

Oh, and don't worry. We'll catch up with Jesse and Marie in the next chapter going back to the same night. Erin and Bryce really jumped ahead.