52: Serious Discussion

(The following night...)

Erin

     Bryce and I stand on my front porch after walking over here. Marie still has my scooter, but I don't mind.
     Bryce looks pained.
     "Are you sure?" he asks me again.
     I've decided that since Sean is gone that I'm going to go back to living in my house. Bryce looked crestfallen when I told him this earlier today. He'd thought I could at least stay the week like we'd planned, but I need a little space between us for at least a night.
     "Bryce, I'll be fine. You'll be fine," I say quietly.
     "When can I see you again?" he asks like he would at the end of a first date or something.
     I shrug like it's no big deal. "Tomorrow, I guess."
     He takes a deep breath. "What time?"
     "You can come over right after Adele gets on the bus again like you've done before," I offer. Then he pulls me into his arms like he wants to somehow physically attach us together permanently.
     "I'm glad now that I work late hours. At least I'll be distracted while at work and exhausted when I get home." He mumbles now, "I used to be quite good at that routine."
     I bury my head in the little space between his neck and shoulder and sigh. This has been so intense that he's going to have trouble slowing down.
     "Bryce, ..."
     "I know," he says, quickly stopping my chastisement before I can say it. Then we simply stand here holding each other.

      I have a sudden desire to reach my hand down and run my fingertips across his stomach. He's wearing another of those thin t-shirts of his, and I want to eat him alive. To try to make myself feel better, I turn a little so that I'm pressed more fully against him. He takes a deep breath and squeezes me tighter. Our breathing alters, and he rolls his head around to get my face to turn up before he lovingly kisses me in one of his 'Bryce kisses,' quickly spiraling out of control.
     He tries to talk while kissing me. "You feel... so good... like this."
     A hand reaches down to grab my butt and pull me closer to him so that I can really tell how the moment affects him.
     Some small amount of sanity escapes me so I can say, "You have to... go to work."
     "I'll be late," he says, grabbing my keys from my hand.

     Before I know what's happening, I find myself up on the kitchen counter. He's already yanked my panties down before placing me up here, and he works himself just enough out of his shorts before swiftly pulling me towards him and driving himself into me.
     Shirt. Off. Now, I think before he can really begin, and I proceed to remove the shirt. He happily assists me, and at last, I get to run my hands over his beautiful abs.
      Well, for just a moment, because he pulls me tight up on him, hugging me to him as he starts up a steady rhythm. Soon, I'm only half on the counter while he bounces me. I tightly wrap my arms around his neck to find some stability. Then, as the mounting pleasure builds, I also cling to him out of desperation. All I'm really able to do is hold on while he handles everything else.
      "Oh," he gasps. "Baby. C'mon, Erin."
      I let out a cry. How does he do that by just talking?
      He whispers to me, "Come for me, Erin."

      Like magic, I do as he asks, throwing my head back as another cry escapes me. He stops for a solitary second before suddenly yelling and pressing my hips harder into him. I come again from the force of his orgasm. That, or that was one hell of an aftershock.
     His phone rings. He ignores it.
     "It's bound to be Jones," I gasp out.
     "Probably," he agrees, trying to catch his breath. With a groan, he pulls out of me and helps me to stand on my feet. His tongue escapes his mouth before even reaching mine, and I have mine open to accept it.

      "I don't want to go to work. I want to stay here and do wickedly naughty things to you."
      I can't stop my shudder from what he said, and my voice sounds breathless when I reply, "But you're the boss. You have to go to work."
       He rights his shorts and tells me he hates it when I'm right about stuff like this. I laugh a little.
      "Tomorrow then," he smiles mischievously at me before running a single finger down the side of my face, kissing the tip of my nose, and turning to leave with his shirt in his hand.
       He stops when he gets to the door, turns and says, "Oh, before I go..." He bounds over to me. "I love you." Then he quickly kisses my mouth, smiles, and dashes out the door before I can respond.
      I laugh at the inside of my front door. Then I walk over and flop down on my small sofa, my mood instantly changing. Bryce, I think with a groan, how often am I gonna have to tell you to slow down?

      I start crying.
      What is wrong with me? Why am I crying?! I should be happy! Sean is gone! Gone! I never have to see him again.
      I actually cry harder at this thought. I will never see him again.
      I need to figure myself out, and fast. I'm crying over losing Sean again.
      My subconscious refused to let me think about this around Bryce for fear of hurting him with this display.
      Sean, why did you have to do that? Why? I loved you with everything I had and you... you slept with my best friend of all people! Why?!
      And now I'll never know why... because he's gone.
      I'm glad he's gone.
      I miss him.
      No! I love Bryce. My sweet, secretly-sensitive Bryce that loves me and wants me with him all the time.
      I never got to have a serious discussion with Sean. Of course, he never would want a serious discussion unless it occurred after sex, and then I'd have to be fast.
      I need a serious discussion with him though.
      But he's gone.
      I look at my laptop sitting on my desk, and an idea occurs to me.
      I'll send him an email.

      I sit down and open my email up. I haven't opened it in ages because I got aggravated at Bill for spamming me. It's filled with warnings about Sean coming to the island.
      I need to call my brother and tell him I'm okay.
      I shoot him a quick email telling him everything is fine, Sean is on his way home, or there, without me. I only just hint at the fact that I have another boyfriend already. I don't wanna hit him with too much at once. Then, I write up an email to Sean:

     I hit send. Then, I decide to write in my diary. I haven't done that in ages either.

Dear Diary,
     I decided to stick with Bryce, and I haven't regretted my decision. He really is that wonderful person he was on our first day... the day that Jesse visited me here and kissed me. Jesse and I have become good friends, surprisingly. He's really sweet and funny when he's not trying to hit on me. (He hasn't since then.) He and Bryce made up in their strange way that I won't get into, and now he's wanting to date someone named Marie.
      Marie is the same Marie that Cristina grew up with and claimed she bullied her. I'd always wondered if perhaps Cris was exaggerating. She can be so overly-dramatic at times, and now that I've heard Marie's side of the story, I think what Cristina did to her is cruel. The worst is that Dawson over whom they fought. Marie would do better with Jesse. I think he could easily fall in love with her if he hasn't already.

     My email pings at me. It's Sean. ?!?!

     I start crying again. That was the Sean I fell in love with.
     He even apologized for ending in a preposition.
      My IM dings.


Sean: Are you there?

     Oh shit. It's Sean, I think and wipe my eyes.
      The little dot next to my name indicates that I am online. Curse me for not turning it off!

Erin: Yes.
Sean: Did you read it?
Erin: Yes.

      My computer stays silent for a few minutes before he says something again.

Sean: I was a complete asshole, and I'm infinitely sorry. I wish there was a better word than sorry.

Erin: I know. Thank you for telling me the truth. Did you make it home okay?

     I throw in the question just to be polite.

Sean: I will never be okay. Because I miss you so bad it hurts.

     I feel like was just stabbed.

Sean: Maybe we're better off apart, but I wish we could've worked things out.

     No.

Erin: We can never work things out because I would never be able to trust you again.
Sean: I know.
Sean: So, what am I interrupting? What were you doing?
Erin: I was just writing in my diary.

     I don't want to discuss my day with him, so I kept my answer simple.

Sean: Boyfriend not there?
Erin: That's none of your business.

     I'm not going to tell you I'm sitting here alone.

Sean: Okay. I was just wondering. It's not like I can hop over there anyway.
Sean: I couldn't imagine that if he's there that he's left you alone long enough to email, write in your diary (which you only do when you're alone ;) ), and chat with me for a minute.

     Son of a...

Erin: He doesn't hover over me constantly.

     I can't help but get defensive.

Sean: I didn't mean that he did. But now that you mention it, I did notice how he never let you out of his sight for long. Bit overboard imho.
Erin: Not overboard. Protective. You scared the shit out of me, so I needed him to be that way.
Sean: Yet another reason for you to hate me.
Erin: I don't *hate* you. I just don't want you in my life anymore.
Sean: And I'm sorry for that. Deeply, agonizingly sorry.
Sean: I am still your brother's friend.
Erin: With friends like you...

      Don't point out to me ways I might see you again someday!

Sean: I told him where you are.
Erin: Doesn't matter anymore because you were the one from whom I wanted to hide.
Sean: You mean hide from?

     I let out a high-pitched growl.

Sean: C'mon, baby doll, it doesn't kill you if you end a sentence in a preposition. It's even allowed.
Erin: I'm not having this discussion with you. You know why I can't stand that. I'm done with this conversation. Thank you for explaining things to me.

     I almost shut off my computer, but I have to say one more thing.

Erin: Also, I'm not your baby doll.

     I turn off my computer before he can have a chance to make a comeback.

     I am so angry! I think as I get up and walk around in my small living room.
     Deciding that I can't stand the enclosed space, I walk outside to my backyard and stare out over the lagoon.
     Yes, Sean, you were immature and conceited, and arrogant, and a world-class jerk!
     And you said sorry. There should be a better word.
     Damn you! I loved you! You went out and hurt me on purpose so you could have 'one more fling.' Well, anyone who wants 'one more fling' shouldn't get married at all because that means he/she isn't ready!
     I'm glad, now, that I walked in on them. Finding him like that, with her, kept me from saddling myself with an asshole.
      And eventually brought me here... to Bryce... someone who's been hurt badly... and never dealt with it. I need to deal with this now.
      I try, but I can't think about myself anymore. My heart swells when I picture Bryce in my mind, and I feel more worried about him than I do myself.
      I'm not in the same place you are, Bryce. I'm in a better one.
      I will never be married to Sean, and I'm happy about that.
      I'm happy!

      I look up and hug myself, almost laughing with relief. I feel like ten tons have been forever lifted off my shoulders.
      I do laugh now as I twirl in a circle, a few happy tears escaping my eyes.
      I'm completely in love with Bryce! I have an overpowering want to see him, but I don't have my scooter. His bar is on the other side of the lagoon.
      Maybe I could swim...
      Nah, that's too crazy. I'll just call him and hear his voice.
      I dial his number.
      "Hey, Beautiful. What's up?"

      "I love you," I say simply, a few more tears escaping.
      "Couldn't let me have the last word, huh?" I hear the laughter in his voice.
      "No, I really love you," I say emphatically, praying the emotion in my voice reaches him over his phone in the loud bar.
      He stays quiet for a few seconds before his voice sounds a little choked up when he finally says, "I believe you." The background noise has lessened dramatically. "Do you have... any idea how hard it is for me to stay put at work right now?"
     "Yes. I wish I had my scooter."
     "I love you too," he says. His voice sounds quiet, and I can picture him standing in the extra seating area, trying not to break down in public.
      I decide to tell him how I reached my conclusion. "I needed some time to think, I guess." I choose to not mar this wonderful moment by talking about Sean. He can hear about that later.
      "Still tomorrow, or will you spend the night? It's killing me to not have you right here with me."
      "I still need a little 'alone time,' but maybe tomorrow night," I answer, and he stays quiet. "Bryce, don't be upset."
     "Upset? Me?" Then I hear a sad smile in his voice as he says, "I suppose I can wait and see you in the morning."
      "It's not that far away."
      "Get some sleep, my beautiful Erin, because you're going to need it."
       Huh?! After I catch my breath, I ask, "Is that a threat?"
       "No. Not really. It's friendly advice to keep you from being entirely worn out for tomorrow night from what I want to do to you tomorrow morning."
      I can't stop the small whimper from escaping as I think about all he could possibly mean, and I pray he didn't hear it.
      "That's right, baby," he says knowingly.
      Holy shit!

      "How am I supposed to sleep now?" I almost whisper.
      "Hm, well, you could come over tonight so I could wear you out, but you'd have to be quiet. If that happens, I might go easy on you in the morning."
      My voice sounds extra-shaky as I reply, "Bryce, I need to be by myself tonight. I need to let eradicating Sean from everything soak in and get complete closure."
      "All right, baby," he says more gently. "That's incredibly important to me too. Don't worry about me tonight, just get some good sleep."
      "Okay," I breathe, not able to say much more.
      I hear his smile as he says, "Goodnight, Erin. I love you."
      "I love you too, Bryce," I say, and we hang up.
      I stumble off to my bed for a few hours of sleep, ready to start everything afresh tomorrow.