32: Don't Stop Believing

Marie

     Bryce's words to me echo in my head after he drops me off. "Cut Jesse a little slack, would you?" and "It's my fault I tricked you into that outfit. I was trying to set you two up. I'm sorry." To which I told him that it wasn't him that acted like an oversexed pervert. Then he tried to tell me that Jesse didn't mean anything bad, and that he thinks he seriously likes me. Hah!
    "Cut Jesse a little slack, would you?"
     "A little slack?!" I ask harshly to my walls. "No. Not so that I can be another in a long line."
     "He moves through women faster than your new boss used to." Now I hear the crazy lady that used to have my job's voice.
     "I don't need that," I say. "I've had enough of that."
      'By whom?' my inner self asks me. 'Armand never dated anyone but you. Dawson? There's a chance it was all Cristina's doing.'
     "He still didn't stop her."
     'Andy?'
      I feel a pang of regret. "He broke my heart first."
      'He also waited for you to grow up, just like he said he would. He said he'd wait for you, and you dated his brother.'
      "He also made sure to bring me to see that scene so that I'd break up with Dawson."
       'Can you blame him?'
       "Shut up!" I stop my inner voice. Then I think, Oh no. I'm as crazy as my mother! No. No, I'm not. That whole damn town is crazy! That's why I had to get out of there. I didn't fit. My little brother fits because he's one of them even though I love him dearly.
      I storm into my bedroom and try to come up with something with which to blame Andy. I can only remember that he broke up with me because he'd graduated and he didn't think it would be right for him to date someone in high school because I was too young. I can't argue with his reasoning, so I have to throw that out. Then I remember how he'd made a play for me when I'd shown up to go on a date with Dawson. However, that was when he reminded me how he'd waited. I'd been so hurt as a teenager that I'd forgotten he'd said that. Next, I try to convince myself that what he did in 'reporting' to me about Dawson's cheating to cause me to break up with him was bad, but I also can see the situation from his point of view. He was right, and he must've been ready to do anything. He didn't want me hurt, but he also wanted me for himself.
     "There," I say aloud. "He was out to get his brother hurt just to get me back. I'm better off not coming between them." Somehow, I can't convince myself. Andy had not interfered after I'd started actually going steady with his brother until something bad really happened. It wasn't like he set out to make it happen. He didn't make Cristina move back from Riverview. He didn't force his brother to fall under her spell again.
      "It doesn't matter. I'm through with all of them!"

      I sigh and decide meditation is what I really need. So, I sit myself down on my bed and try to relax.
       "Cut Jesse a little slack, would you?"
       I take a deep breath in for six seconds and let it out for twelve.
       "I was trying to set you two up."
    "Is that really so bad, Marie?" Now Jesse's voice intrudes on my thus-far failed meditation. I love the way he says my name. It literally rolls around in his mouth like he's tasting it. mah-ree.
     That does it. My breath in gets expelled in only one second, and I tense up. How does he do it? The more I try to not think about him, the more I end up thinking about him.
      He's a womanizer. I have to stay away.
      That won't be easy since he's my boss' best friend, I think as I remember how I watched for Jesse all day, almost dreading what I thought was inevitable. He never showed. I'd say he was out chasing women, but he came over to Bryce's too fast for that. He must live in that house behind Bryce's.
      That was a nice kick, I think of earlier when my hazy reality had started coming back to me. After I'd not really watched for him all day, seeing him fighting the asshole made me mad. That was when he finally showed up?
      'Were you watching for him or not, Marie?' my inner self asks me. I don't want to answer.
      The moments before that 'nice kick' run through my mind. I got punched in the jaw by a man who intended to knock me down and did.

    Painful memories that I often try to block out come back in force, and they hurt me more than Sean's punch. My mother was caught cheating, and my father lost it. I remember trying to keep Xavier, my brother, from screaming. He'd only been a toddler, and he didn't understand why there was so much yelling. Dad has regretted that moment for the rest of his life. The strange part was I still sided with him. He'd been a better parent to me than she had. Dad really made my simfu lessons very serious after that. He hated himself for what he'd done, and he never wanted anything like that to ever happen to me. I'd made it my goal to never have it happen either. I failed. Sure, I'd been punched before, but they were always girl fights at school.
      I test my jaw for the nth time tonight and think, And Jesse got him back for me.

      I wonder how Jesse would do learning simfu? I think as I remember the kick again.
      .....
      Uf, no. I don't care how good a student he'd be; I'm not putting myself in that position.
      Besides, I'm not good enough to instruct others, regardless of what Dad said.

Jesse

    Bryce asked me to just hang around his house for a little while as he took Marie home and other stuff. I'm still drenched, and I'm tired. I want to sit down, but I don't want to drip all over Bryce's furniture... Pam, not Bryce, would get upset at me. I sit on the arm of the couch as a compromise.
     I prop my foot up on the corner of the coffee table and sit here brooding.
     What did I do wrong tonight?
     "Not from you it's not," her voice says in my head. She's pretty much got me there. Had I gotten the opportunity to drive her home, I would've tried my hardest to get her to talk to me about how ridiculous it is that she refuses to date anyone, especially me apparently.
      Still, there was more to it than just that. Is she mad I insisted on helping her stand up?
      I sit up for a few seconds to twist and stretch my back. That ex of Erin's can sure pack a punch if given the chance. I hope Julian is okay. He's not what he used to be I guess. I wonder what happened?
      Even more upsetting to me is the knowledge that the bastard punched Marie hard enough to knock her out. I feel my fist clench tighter the more I think of it. I hope Marie knocked him hard into the pavement like he'd said. Obviously wasn't hard enough if he got up.
       She didn't snap like she did at anyone but me. So I'd asked her out yesterday. Does that mean she had to act like she was in a permanent bad mood around me?
       Bryce walks in the door, and I turn my head towards him.
       "Thanks, man," he says wearily.
       "No problem," I respond before I say goodnight since it looks like he just wants to go upstairs. For just a second, I want to tell him that he couldn't be a rebound, but I don't think he wants to hear that from me.

        On my run home to get out of the rain, I decide to just back off from Marie for a little while and see what happens.

Erin

     Fingers gently stroke my face as I slowly wake up. I open my eyes and see Bryce sitting on the bed next to me and looking down at me with an unreadable expression.
      "I fell asleep." I state the question.
      "I guess so," he answers me quietly.
      I notice he's changed out of his wet clothes and into some pajama pants with no shirt. He looks so hot that I worry he might set the sheets on fire. We each look at the other one like we want to ask each other how we're doing.
      "I'm okay," I tell him.
      "Are you?" he asks with doubt in his voice.
      "You don't think I am? Well, I mean, I could be better, but I could also be a hell of a lot worse."

       He lets out a long exhale and moves to sit on the edge of the bed. "I know," he says simply, but there's also so much emotion in those two words that I just want to curl up. So, I do.
       Memories of only a few hours ago assail me mercilessly. I don't want to think about any of it for now, but I don't have much of a choice. I can't imagine what Bryce is thinking as he sits there, quietly watching the storm, and I don't know if I'm ready to ask him.
        I feel the bed move like he's twisting around to look at me. I peep up over my arms at him to see a concerned expression on his brow.
       He's quiet and still for a few more seconds before he gently pulls me to him. Then his arms wrap around me, and he holds me to him like he's afraid the strong winds outside will blow me away should he let go.

       "Bryce..."
       "Are you still in love with him?" he blurts out. "And don't answer me right away. I want you to think," he quickly adds.
        I close my mouth from the 'no' I was about to say. I remember back to earlier when I'd kissed Sean back. Those memories made me feel something again, something like a memory of an emotion... something hollow. Sean never treated me with the care and love that Bryce does, but does that mean I don't still love Sean?
        "I was in love with someone who didn't exist. So, it's quite reasonable to say I never loved him," I say, content with my answer and wondering how it never truly occurred to me before now.

       Bryce lifts my chin and does one of his 'Bryce kisses' as he starts out simple only to quickly take it to the brink of insanity. I do my best to keep up, but the more I give, the more he wants. There's a sense of desperation with the way he now clutches me to him, and for some reason, I picture him as a child who was lost and alone only to be finally rescued. Rescued, and in no way is he letting go of his security now.
       Oh, what am I thinking? I'm the one clinging to him for security.
       "Get rid of the hurt," his voice sounds in my head. "When I said that I wasn't thinking. I know for a fact it's not that easy." No, it isn't, is it? No, instead...
         "I can't stand it Erin," he says all of a sudden.

     I open my eyes a little to see a pained expression on his face now. "What are you talking about?"
     "Whether or not this person existed, you were still in love with him enough to want to marry him. That doesn't go away quickly."
      "I didn't really expect it to, not quickly."
     He's quiet for a few minutes before I pull myself up to kiss him. He doesn't respond, and that scares me. "Bryce?" I ask, hearing the fear in my voice.
        "When you came to me last week on the beach, you said you wanted me to try to take away the pain," he says, swallows, and looks like he's waiting for me to say something.
       "And you said it's not that easy." Where is he going with this?
       "It's not, but are you still expecting me to get rid of the hurt?"
       "You are," I say, and he closes his eyes like I just gave the wrong answer. I quickly try to work at digging myself out of this hole I might have made. "Just being with you helps like a soothing balm. When I'm with you, I'm shown how powerful love can be." Please believe me, Bryce!
        He takes a deep breath with his eyes still closed, and I start running my fingers through his hair. He's still holding up most of my weight like it's nothing, but I squirm a little anyway, worried I'll make his arms tired. His eyes open, and he asks, "Are you uncomfortable?"
        My eyes widen for a fraction of a second before I answer, "What? No. I was worried about your arms getting tired."
       "Don't worry about it," he says quickly. Then he adds, "Is that all you wanted out of me, at least last weekend?"
        "All I wanted out of you?"
       "Yes. You came to me and said you wanted to let me try to get rid of the hurt as I'd put it the night before... before you ran away."
        "But like you said, those were your words."
        "But I also wanted you for you," he says, and I'm a little tiny bit overwhelmed. "Want you for you," he clarifies.
        "Bryce, I want you for more than just to help me get rid of him," I say, finally realizing where he's going with this.
      "Erin, if I'm going to help you get rid of him, then you have to be completely, brutally if necessary, honest."
         "But I don't want to hurt you."
         He lets out a huff and asks almost angrily, "Am I a rebound?!"
      "What?! I'll admit I worried about that for a moment, but can it even be called a rebound relationship if there's been months since I broke it off with him?! No, you're not a fucking rebound, Bryce!" I almost glare at him until I see his brows come together for a moment and his lips pinch together a little like he's trying to hold back an emotion. "Now who's not being brutally honest? You don't believe me, do you?"
         "I'm... worried," he says like it took a lot out of him to admit that.
         I decide to elaborate on my earlier statement. "Yes, I need help getting rid of him, but I also decided that night before finding you on the beach that I wanted a relationship again, and I wanted it with you. I said those things because I know men like to 'fix things' and that maybe that would -"

     I let out a little high-pitched noise when he suddenly kisses me again. Happy relief practically pours out of him.
      Then I remember hearing Bryce say something about rebound when he had the gun pointed at Sean. I think that's what he said anyway, the rain was so loud I couldn't quite make out the words from inside the house.
       As Bryce moves down to start kissing my neck, I ask, "He said that, didn't he?"
      "Yes," he mumbles into me, and I let out a very aggravated noise. Bryce laughs a little as he twists around to deposit me on the other pillow. Then he gets up and turns out the overhead light and the lamp on the other side of the bed.

     He lies down next to me, but then he quickly rolls over to lay his head on my chest and wrap his arms around my waist. I like this, and I run my hands through his hair.
      "Erin, they can't hold him forever, and I'm guessing he'll be here at least a week. I really don't feel comfortable with you being in your house alone."
      "I don't want to be," I say before he sighs.
      "I'm sorry for imposing myself on you, but-"
    "You're not. I'm running to you for protection," I quickly keep him from finishing his needless apology. His arms tighten around me as he takes a deep breath, and we lie here quietly for a few minutes.
        "Do you have any idea how good that feels?" he murmurs to me as I continue to run my fingers through his hair.
       I giggle a little and reply, "Yes, I do actually."
       We fall asleep just like this, but I have a hazy memory of us rolling over sometime in the middle of the night, putting my head on his chest. Either way, he never lets go of me.



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Now, how many of you have that song from Journey in your heads?
No? Well, here ya go:

You're welcome! :D

That memory of Marie's was taken from one of my other stories, Queen of Denial, in the "It hits the fan"and "Mass Hysteria" chapters.