99: Insanity

Jesse

     After I get off work, I don't immediately head home and then to Bryce's house where Marie probably is. All day long, my insides have been eating at me.

     Marie is right. I still think it was sexual harassment, but Bryce did fire him too quickly. And it's my fault. He did it so quickly in large part due to me and my fit about it. Bryce and I knew exactly the kind of dweebish asshole Simon was, even if we didn't know he'd crossed that line. Still, we let him carry on like that right under our noses as long as he didn't get in our way. Bryce can't say that Simon was 'all of a sudden' behaving inappropriately. He always has. It was only when Simon went after Bryce's 'friend's crush' (not to mention flirt with Erin after making that drink for her) did Bryce finally fire him. I can see the little turd's point of view.

     With Marie not wanting to help, the thing that can really save Bryce now is getting Bernadette to say that Simon was harassing her too. That way, Bryce could say that as soon as he found out about it, he fired him. It's true. Simon admitted right there about what went on with Bernadette. However, Bryce tells me that she will side with Simon. I have a sick feeling that I'm the only one to convince her otherwise. If I can get her telling me on a recording what Simon did to her, that could be used to help Bryce. I have a job to do.

     I can't remember how I know where she lives, but I know where she lives. I want to hurl as I lift my hand to knock on the door, and I have to lean against the doorframe with one hand after I do it.

     I can't believe what I'm about to do. I think I'm gonna be sick. Marie doesn't know. I worried if I'd told her my plans that I'd let her talk me out of it or just decide not to do it at all.

     I press record on the voice memo thing on my phone and put it in my pocket.

     Forcing myself to smile, I dredge up parts of my player persona that I thought I'd never need again. My mind tries to trick itself into thinking about how pretty Bernadette is. She is… she's just crazy.

     "Jesse!" she exclaims after she opens the door and sees it's me.

     "Hello, Bernadette," I say slowly and make a smile grow on my face. "I came by to talk to you about what happened the other day. May I come in?"

     "Yes, of course!" she says eagerly and swings the door wide. However, she doesn't step far enough away to where I'm able to keep from brushing her in order to pass her. My skin crawls, but I quickly stomp that reaction down.

     "Marie caught us. That was unfortunate," she tells me after closing the door and walking towards me.

     I casually turn to the side and make my way across her living room, hoping to maintain some distance for as long as possible. "Yes, she did," I agree, pretending to be distracted by the pictures on her walls.

     "I hope she didn't take it too badly," she says, a seductive edge to her voice.

     "Take what?"

     "Finding us together like that. I may not like her very much, but I know that's got to be hard finding your boyfriend with someone else like the way she found us."

     "She wasn't happy, that's for sure," I reply, not mentioning how I'd explained everything successfully.

     "I'm sure you let her down easily."

     She thinks we broke up.

     "No, it was kinda hard," I reply, thinking of several ways it's true. The ground was hard. I kissed her hard. My dick was hard. It was hard to keep from getting all over her.

     "Poor girl," Bernadette says with false sympathy, reminding me where I am.

     "She's all right," I say reassuringly. Well, she is.

     Bernadette makes a tsk-tsk sound with her tongue and shakes her head. "I can't imagine she would be after losing someone like you."

      I pretend to be surprised and smile. "Someone like me?"

     "Jesse, shut up. You know you're hot as hades." She licks her lips. "So, tell me exactly why you're here."

      Too damn easy. She has 'fuck me now' written all over her face. Do I tell her the truth or keep playing? "Well… I wanted to talk about how you thought I always ignored you," I mention, steering the conversation in the direction of the past when Simon had abused his manager position.

     She fakes an adorable pout. "You did. And you told me you thought it was because you thought I was crazy."

      "Truthfully, Bernadette, I didn't really notice you as anything more than Bryce's waitress. You were off limits to him, so I treated you the same way." It's true… except I also thought she was a mental case.

      "Marie is Bryce's waitress. You didn't see her as off limits."

      "Bryce had Erin. Everyone was off limits to him then. I thought differently," I quickly make up.

      "So, if Bryce didn't have Erin, you would've treated Marie like she was off limits?"

      No, I think automatically. "Possibly. We'll never know because he did have Erin… does have Erin." My stomach twists, but it has nothing to do with Bernadette. I ignore it.

      "Hm. And he didn't mind her waitressing for a while, did he? Obviously not off limits." She takes a tiny step in my direction.

      "They dated first before he hired her -temporarily- to cover for Marie's injury. And while we're on the subject… that bothered him to work with her. I know it did because I know Bryce. He keeps a strict rule not to touch his employees." She'd better know what I mean by 'touch.' Yes, Bryce keeps that rule. Now, tell me who didn't! All you have to do is say it!

     She gets quiet for a while before she says thoughtfully, "The worst thing I ever did was start working at that damn bar."

     I very carefully ask, "Because of Simon?"

     "I don't want to talk about it!" she snaps and looks away.
     Whoa. Took it too far too fast. I need to get her to trust me.
 

     I reach up and run the backs of my fingers down her cheek, feeling pity for her. Hopefully, she'll translate my gesture incorrectly. From what Bryce has told me when he teased about 'pimping me out,' I'm the only one that can get her to talk.

       Her lower lip trembles, and she breathes out, "Yes, because of Simon." Her eyes look up at me apologetically like she expects me to get in a jealous rage. "I only let him because I thought it would make you see me in a different light and get envious of him getting something I would've much rather offered… you."

      "People say it's hard sometimes to get things through my thick skull," I tell her quietly, and she lets out a sad laugh.

      "Can't argue with the truth," she replies.

      "Hey!" I say playfully, pretending to be hurt. In reality, sympathy for her knots up in my gut. I wish that I had seen what was going on. I wouldn't have gotten jealous, but I could've alerted Bryce to it. Then she wouldn't have had to go through what she went through. Even she needs to have someone to truly love her. In a much more serious tone, I ask, "Why did you let it continue so long?"

     She shrugs and looks away. "Because he would've turned nasty if I'd told him to stop."

     "Bryce would've helped you." We should've stopped being horny assholes and seen what was going on.

     "Bryce the Stone-Hearted would've helped me. Right," she replies sarcastically.

     "Bryce the businessman would've helped you," I say.

     She sniffs and wipes a tear before it can fall. "I guess you could chalk that up to more of my insanity."

     "You're not insane, Bernadette, and I'm sorry I called you crazy," I tell her sincerely.

     "Yes! I think I am! I just do my best to control myself," she declares adamantly.

     "No," I disagree in a gentle voice, "you're misguided and lonely." I wince.

     She pounces on my opening that I wish too late I hadn't have left. "Then take away my loneliness and guide me."

     Time to 'fess up. I got the information I came for, but now, I hate to hurt her.

     "I'm afraid I can't," I say quietly. Then, I answer the question in her eyes, "I'm still very much in love with Marie."

     It's her turn to look like she pities me. "I understand. You need time to get over her."

     "We're still together," I admit and watch fury replace pity in her eyes.
     "You!" she gasps out. She gets steadily more angry.

     "You made me think that…! Why are you here then unless…" Her eyes widen, and before I realize what's happening, she reaches into the pocket of my shorts and pulls out my phone. It's still recording, and she sees it. "You asshole!" she screams.

     I watch like it's in slow motion as my phone hurtles towards the tile floors of Bernadette's apartment after she angrily throws the phone down. "No!" I yell as it shatters. It's been dropped too many times in the past, and this is its final fall. Pieces of it bounce up towards me. I'd tried to reach down to catch it. While I gasp, her sandaled foot stomps on the remaining pieces, grinding some of them into powder and further breaking different electronic chips and boards.

     "Get out of my house, you imbecilic monster!" she roars, grabs my shirt, and yanks me towards the front door with strength I never would've guessed she had.

     My wits now with me, I push her away and say desperately, "I'm sorry! You still can't let Simon get away with what he did to you."

     "I don't want to listen to any more of your shit, Jesse! Get out!"

     "How can you let him just get away with what he did?!" My heart beats fast as I try to save the situation.

     "Get out!!!" she screams at me before pushing past me and opening the door. "Now!!!"

     The crazed look in her eyes scares me, and knowing I've completely fucked this whole thing up, I dash out of her apartment and make tracks to Martha.

     Shit!

98: Lax

Marie

     Jesse and I leave the park and go to help at The Flamingo construction site for a few hours. After the two of us help Bryce clean the new windows, we arrive back at Jesse's place, and right after we get out of Martha, a Mercedes drives up and parks in front of the house. The door of it opens, and Desmond steps out.

     "Hey, Des, what's up?" Jesse asks curiously.

     "Hi, Jesse," he says quickly, nodding in his direction for a split-second. Then, his face snaps to me as he asks, "Marie, may I speak with you a moment?"

     I stand here with wide eyes before finally answering, "Sure, I guess." I hope this isn't about what I think it may be about.

     "Thank you," he says, and Jesse invites him inside.

     We walk into the living room, and Jesse asks him if he wants anything to drink. Desmond tells him he doesn't, that he's here on business. My stomach sinks with that revelation. Now, I know exactly why he's here. He's contacted me a few times to talk to me about testifying on Bryce's behalf, and each time, I've told him I don't want to testify at all.

    "Marie," Desmond says, "I'm pretty sure you know that Bryce's court date is in a few days."

     "Yes," I say quietly, looking at the floor instead of the intensely commanding expression in Desmond's eyes. Jesse's feet shuffle around.

     "One of the main reasons Bryce fired Simon was that Simon harassed you; however, without your help, Bryce has a weak case. You've told me you don't want to testify, but I'm here to tell you that if you refuse, I will get a subpoena," he states bluntly.

     "He didn't harass me. It was a misunderstanding."

     Jesse explodes. "Like hell it was! He made a pass at you; you told him to back off; he didn't. You can't get more textbook harassment than that! He made your working environment uncomfortable!"

     "So I wasn't comfortable! It wasn't all his fault! I needed to get over it!" I yell back at him.

     Desmond calmly states, "You were happy when Bryce fired him."

     I turn to him again and reply, "Yes. I didn't like him."

     Desmond's eyes hold my attention as he says, "Marie, Bryce fired Simon mostly for your benefit. He believed you were harassed and that it would only continue if he didn't fire him. Is this how you're going to thank him?"

     My face gets hot and my heart starts racing as I face this arrogant man. "I didn't ask him to fire Simon! Yes, I admit to being happy he did, but I could've handled it!"

     "Whether or not you could've 'handled it' isn't up for question. The fact remains that Simon would only continue to harass you, making your working environment miserable," Desmond says clearly, but only an idiot would fail to see the underlying anger in his eyes.

      I fold my arms defensively and toss my head. "I can't say for sure that is what would have happened."

     Jesse speaks up. "I know that fucker, and yes, he would have. He would've tried again."

     "And I would handle it like before, making him stop by force if needed, just like you know I can."

     Jesse's face blanches, and he steps back like I've slapped him.

     I swallow thickly. "We can never know for sure what would've happened." I hate the look I put on Jesse's face. He looks like he now sees himself as no better than Simon, that the only difference is that I'm actually attracted to him.

     Jesse's voice sounds hoarse as he says, "Marie, you were shaking. You yourself told me you were too uncomfortable to work alone with him that day."

     "I changed my mind. I was overreacting then."

     "That doesn't matter. The fact remains that he made you that uncomfortable," Desmond gets in because Jesse looks like he can't find his voice. "If that's what you told Jesse that you were too uncomfortable to stay, that's enough."
     "Then get Jesse on the stand since he was there, but leave me out of it. Unless you want me telling the judge that I think it was a misunderstanding." Leave me alone!
     "Why do you insist upon calling it a misunderstanding?" he growls out.
     "Because that is what it was." I fold my arms again. "I don't want to get up there and make Bryce look like an idiot."
     "One way or another, Marie, you're getting on that stand."
     "Desmond, don't make me do this! I will have to tell the truth! And the truth is that nothing happened."
      He pauses, and then a calculating gleam gets into his eyes. "I expect you to tell the truth. In fact, now, I'm counting on it. I'd hoped to have your support, Marie, but if you're going to make me do what I have to do now, don't say I didn't warn you."
      My heart beats faster. "What do you mean?"
      He takes steps backwards in the direction of the door to the hallway. "I'll see you in a few days."

     After Desmond leaves out the front door, Jesse walks out the back one, leaving me standing alone in the living room. I see him through the window as he walks over to his bar and starts mixing a drink.

     I walk out the back door and down the stairs to find him with a glass already in his hand. He stares off into the distant waves before taking a large gulp of his drink. "Jesse?" I ask, hoping to get his attention. He doesn't look at me but instead takes another swallow.

     Finally, his sad eyes turn to me before he says, "You think I'm no better than he is."

     "No," I answer automatically.

     "You do. Simon wasn't the only one not leaving you alone," he argues.

     "Jesse, stop it," I snap and snatch the glass from his hand. After placing it on the bar's counter, I face the ocean, and my hands shake and fly up to hold my head. Too much! Too much! I don't want to think about this again! Simon touching me and brushing up against me and saying very suggestive things… Bryce thinking he needs to fire him… Jesse wanting to be a hero… Desmond saying Bryce needs my help or Simon wins… Jesse thinking he was just as bad as Simon… saying Simon wouldn't have stopped…

     "You would stop," I say my next thought aloud, "during that time."

     "A couple of times, you had to attack me to get me to stop," he counters, standing just behind my right elbow.

     "Simon was creepy!" I proclaim in a shaky voice, and my trembling hands cover my face.

     "And I wasn't?" he asks in a disbelieving voice.

     "No. He was… just wanting sex; you were passionate and loving," I say. Tense silence hangs in the air around us. Then, he gently turns me around, and I feel his arms hold me even though I keep covering my face. He's warm, and I rest my hands holding my face on his shoulder.

     He sounds calm as he says, almost to himself, "And even before the loving came about, I was only flirting. I wasn't being creepy about it."

     "Yes," I agree. My shoulders relax, and I'm glad that I stopped Jesse from thinking he was just like Simon before it could get out of hand.

     After several minutes of silence, I finally move my hands away from my face and rest my cheek against his shoulder. I hear his voice reverberate in his chest as he says, "Bryce does need your help, Marie."

     "I can't do it; I can't get up there and lie and say that I think he was harassing me when now I don't think he was."

     Jesse tenses, but his voice remains even when he says, "True that there is a very fine line sometimes, but I don't think that was just flirting. What do you think would've happened had I not shown up when I did?"

     I think aloud. "He would've been angry that I'd slapped him. We would've argued. Then, I don't know what he would've done." I pause. "The point is that I did tell Bryce and he did give Simon a warning. Then, Simon kept everything professional until you showed up that night. Of course, I was doing my best to stay away from him because I was uncomfortable, but-"

     "You were uncomfortable," he says, and I know what he's thinking.

     "Yes, but it would've gone away."

     "He would've tried again had Bryce not fired him," Jesse states like it's the only truth.

     "If that were true, I would've been better prepared the next time," I counter, and he sighs exasperatedly.

     "So what you're saying is that you agree with Simon that Bryce wrongfully fired him. Because if you say it was nothing but a misunderstanding, that's what you're doing in essence."

     "Maybe that's what I think, even if I'm still glad he got fired. Are you asking me to do whatever it takes to support my friend, even if I think it's wrong?" I pause and realize I called Bryce my friend, not my boss or my boyfriend's best friend or my best friend's boyfriend. Maybe after all that time I spent with Erin these past weeks changed that.

     "I'm asking you to see my point of view as someone who's known Simon for much longer. I'm asking you to trust my judgment. He wouldn't have let up. Sure, it might've been a while before he tried again, but he would've tried again. Even before he outright did anything, he would've done small things."

     "What do you mean?"

     He pauses to think before he answers, "Oh, stuff like brush up against you, keep his hand on your lower back for much longer than necessary, watch you inappropriately, say regular stuff in a very suggestive way, find any little excuse to touch you in any way possible… He would've made you miserable as he would think he was breaking down a barrier bit by bit or something along those lines."

     "We don't know that," I gently argue.

     Jesse takes in and lets out a quickly deep breath. "I did…all that stuff. The only difference is I wasn't your boss."

     Not again! "I never would've admitted it at the time, but I secretly liked it."

     "And that's exactly what he would've convinced himself you were doing: secretly liking it."

     "But I hated it when he did some of those things; it made me feel sick and… scared."

     "That is harassment."

     "It only happened once."

     "So you would've preferred it happen again before Bryce fired him?"

     "I hate to think it, but it would've made more sense."

     "Marie, the island's laws are very lax when it comes to this. Back home, for most companies, it was a zero tolerance."

     "Lax?" I think I understand the word, but I'm not sure.

     "Weak, almost allowing, loose. Bryce needs your help."

     "I can't do it, Jesse. I have to tell the truth."
     "The truth," he states. "Let's see. Here's the truth: He had his arms wrapped around you and was saying suggestive things into your ear. You asked him to stop, and he didn't. If it was nothing but a misunderstanding, he should've stopped there, but he didn't."
     I shake my head no, the memory of Simon's arms around me making me sick. "He might've thought I was being coy."
     "It doesn't matter, Marie. He was your boss."
     I break my way out of Jesse's arms, hating the memories in my head. "Stop! Just stop! Please! Only he and I know what really happened, and it was just a misunderstanding. Jesse, please. Just stop." I run into the house. He follows me.

     I don't go far, stopping in the living room. There's no point running anyway. Jesse bounds over to me and holds my shoulders.
     His voice is quiet as he says, "I'm sorry for upsetting you. Marie, I get the feeling you don't want to remember it exactly as it happened, meaning everything you were feeling."
     "I was just a silly, little girl overreacting to a man that came on too strong," I state stoically. I realize that not too much time has gone by since that happened. I've grown up so much these months.
     "Marie, Desmond is going to get you to say what happened, and yes, you will tell the truth, but you need to be prepared to see the truth in the right light or you will have to deal with the shock with everyone seeing as you do."
     I cover my eyes. "Jesse, if you want to give your opinion of what you saw, I won't be upset with you. But please, stop asking me to see it differently."
     "I've heard it's common for victims of sexual harassment to downplay what actually happened in order to deal with it in their own minds, in their memories. I thi-"
     "Jesse!" I say loudly. "Stop! I don't want to talk about this! If you insist upon continuing, I may as well go home!"
     "Stopping," he replies very quickly. "One more thing, though." I groan and turn towards the door. He holds my shoulders tighter and turns me back around before he says, "I want you to know that I will be here for you no matter what happens with the trial."
      I hug him, and he holds me tightly. We decide to watch a movie, the topic of the trial now taboo between us.