73: Be Serious

Troy

     My workday ends, and I decide to drive over to Lynne's place unannounced. This worries me a small amount because I realize there's a possibility that she already has someone over.

     Lynne and I are dating and have been for a while ever since that day she kissed me in her bathroom. I finally got the guts to ask her out that night when she came over to use my stove. But we're not exclusive, and that was just fine with me in the beginning. Now, it drives me crazy. I'm sick of it. Every time I've mentioned wanting to take things to the next step, she very successfully distracted me from talking about it. Every time.

     There's no other car in her driveway. I hope that she's home. It's hard to tell since she parks in her garage.

    "Troy!" she smiles as she greets me, but she looks like she also might not want me here. I should've called.

     I take a step towards her and hold her to me. "Did I come at a bad time?" I ask, watching her closely.

     "No, no. It's fine. Come in," she says quickly, and we go stand in her great room for a few seconds before she wordlessly walks into the living area to close up a book and put it away. I quietly follow her.

     She stops and stares at the spine of the book she put on the shelf, and I startle her when I wrap my arms around her from behind.

     She pushes my hands off her and takes a step away from me, and I get worried. Sometimes, I feel like I'll never be able to really understand her, and lately, she's acted distracted all the time.
     "Lynne, talk to me. What's wrong?"

     She spins around and asks innocently, "Why do you say something's wrong?"

     I give her a knowing look. "Because I know you. I think." I look at her for a few seconds, trying yet again to figure out what's bothering her. "Are you going to tell me?"

     "I don't know what you mean," she answers and suddenly stands on her toes to kiss me.

    Every time. Every. Time. This woman always tries to distract me with her luscious body when I want to discuss something. She's too good at it, and she knows it works.

     She groans when her hands play with the muscles under my shirt. I'd better stop her quick before I fall into her trap again.

     "No," I say and gently push her away from me a small amount. I don't completely let go, however.

     "This isn't what you came over here for?" she asks playfully while running a single nail over my chest.

     The many faces of Lynne: It looks like I have playful Lynne at the moment.

     "Sort of," I answer and hold the hand with the distracting fingernail.

     "What else did you come over for?" she purrs as her free hand journeys south to too-lightly rub the growing bulge in my jeans.

      I work at keeping my mind on the task at hand when I ask the question that really brought me over here, "Why won't you be exclusive with me?" I hope a more direct question gets me the answer I want.

     She stops toying with me and drops her hand before she says, "So that's it. That's what's on your mind that made you come over." Angry Lynne boils to the surface, and to be honest, she scares the shit out of me. I don't want that.

     I put on an apologetic expression when I say, "I care about you, baby, and I can't stand the thought that you still might want to mess around with other guys."

     Her expression burns me as she asks, "You'd rather own me instead? Is that it?"

    "Not like that! I just can't do it anymore is all. I don't want to own you; I just don't want you dating and sleeping with other men! Is that too much to ask? I can't live like this. I've tried, and I just can't."
     Maybe that was too much, but knowing that on those nights when I have to work late that she's out clubbing -- it drives me crazy.

     "I'm sorry, Troy," she says calmly, and I relax a tiny bit. "That's perfectly reasonable, and I didn't mean what I said. I don't know what's wrong with me other than stress over doing something rash and having to deal with it."

     "What happened that has you stressed?" I ask, and my mind reels with all the possibilities. Is she pregnant? What if it isn't mine?

     "I did... something too cruel, and I want to undo part of it. But I can't figure out how."

     "Could I help?" She's not pregnant. Phew.

     "I wish you could, but no. I did it, and I have to be the one to undo it."

     What does that mean? Wait a minute...
     Again, she distracted me.

     "So that's why you won't be exclusive?" I ask once more, stubbornly wanting to stick to my original question.

     "No, Troy. It's not that. I'm just not... good enough for you," she tells me sadly.

     "That's a load of crap," I snap. "Tell me the real reason."

     "No! I'm not a good person."

     "Yeah," I say sarcastically. "And I'm so good that you don't want anything serious. Sure, sure, I get it. You think you're not good enough for me." I'm more upset than I thought I'd be. That's not the answer I expected. This is not how I wanted this to go. "By the way, I disagree." I let out a huff. Not good enough for me? Really? I think, not believing that's what she's really thinking. Why can't she just tell me the real reason, whatever it is?
     I watch her try to come up with something else to say, and a lump of lead forms in the pit of my stomach. I don't want to listen to another excuse, another lie. Either she wants me or she doesn't.
     "You know what? I... I give up." I guess I'll NEVER understand her.

      "You what?" she asks, her eyes widening before I let her go, turn, and walk towards the door.

     Then I think of a way I can answer her. "I give up. When you're ready to be serious and not coming up with lame excuses, you let me know. In the meantime, I'm out." She doesn't move to stop me from leaving.

     I could've had a more productive evening visiting my mother, I think angrily. My mom lives in an assisted living facility ever since her stroke about four years ago. I hate thinking that visiting her ranks lower than spending time with Lynne, but I can't help it. I'm all Mom has, and now I wonder if I've wasted my time.

     I shake my head and rub the back of my neck before I get into my truck. As I drive down the road, my phone rings in my pocket. Pulling it out, I check it quickly and see it's Lynne.

     "Hi," I say and wonder why I even answered my phone.

     "Please come back," she requests quietly.

     I adjust myself in my seat before I answer her, getting more comfortable.

     "No. Not tonight. I've decided to go visit my mom," I answer her in a flat voice.

     "I want to apologize.”

     I scowl as I listen to her and think, An apology isn't what I want to hear. Not really.

     "I'll come by tomorrow," I say.

     "Tomorrow is Adele's birthday party."

     "Then I'll see you there. Okay?"

     "Okay," she says, sounding hurt, and it tears at my heart. I wish she'd tell me what's bothering her.

     "Baby, do you at least understand what I'm trying to say?" I ask as I switch my phone to the other ear.

     "Yes. I'll see you tomorrow," she answers. She sounds a little melancholy, and I almost turn around to drive back to her place. However, I don't.


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So, Troy and Lynne have been dating. (sorry it's taken me so long to get back to them!) Lynne has been out mildly flirting with a few tourists... nothing serious, but Troy worries that she's slept around. He hasn't been dating anyone else; he hasn't wanted to. As most of you could probably guess by now, she's feeling remorse for what she did to Sean. It's been eating at her and making her feel like a terrible person, and it's carried over into her relationship with Troy. He has no idea, obviously, what she's feeling. (He doesn't even know she's a witch.) She sees him as a saint for caring for his mother the way he does, almost always putting everyone else before himself, and she sees herself as a monster not worthy of him.

Next up: Jesse and Marie :)