70: Magic Words

Marie

     Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!
     Every step I take into the house hurts. My knee hurts too.
     I hobble up the stairs and escape into the bathroom.
     I'm a failure. I failed at sex.
     It hurt too much!
     I feel like Jesse carved an entirely new hole into me. Reason tells me that he didn't, but I feel like he did.
     Why did it have to hurt so much?!
     I look down at myself and see blood running down my leg. I start crying and run the bathtub. I don't think I can stand up for long in the shower. I don't think a bath is going to feel good either, but at least I'll be able to sit down.
     I don't know what I'll do after this.
     I start crying again, loudly.

Jesse

    I sit dumbly in the hot tub, lamely staring at the water. I feel that my face is all screwed up in worry, and my breathing feels forced.
    I seriously hurt her, I think, filled with self-loathing.
    The bathroom light upstairs turns on.
     I ruined her. I'm a failure. She was counting on me to know what I was doing, and I failed her.
     She kept trying to tell me it hurt, but I thought she was only talking about the typical pain that was supposed to go away.
     'You idiot. Think about it. It might take her a long while to adjust, and again, you go charging in like some bull. You should've stopped when she wanted to stop. Then the next time she'd be better and the time after that maybe, but noooo, you had to go and want everything right now.'
    I bury my face in my hands and start quietly crying with the realization that I caused my own worst fears to become a reality.
    Then I hear the faint sound of running water and Marie crying.
    'Get a hold of yourself and be a man, asshole. You literally fucked up. Go find a way to fix it!'
     I dry my face and listen to my cruel inner voice.
     After I walk into the house, I pick up Marie's swimsuit top where I threw it earlier. Then, I head upstairs to get the bottoms where I threw them. I don't think she'll need them right away, but it's the first thing I think to do.
    'Dumbass. She's going to want to cover up more than what that bikini will do for her.'
    I look at the little suit in my hands and agree with myself, so I turn around to get my housecoat out of the closet to loan to her if she wants.
    'She's still crying, dipshit.'

    'You'd better knock.'
    I do.
    "Marie?" I ask after I hear the bathtub's faucet turn off.
    She makes a noise like something hurt her, and I don't wait for her to invite me in.
    'Yeah, you're good at barging in, aren't you?'
     "Marie?" I ask again and see her tense up as she gets in the tub. Oh. She looks behind her at me warily.
     Oh crap. I forgot I was still nude. I quickly reach over and grab a towel to wrap around my waist. Once that's done, I sigh and take the folded robe and her swimsuit and place them on the bathroom counter.
     I can't stop myself from going over and sitting next to the tub. Her eyes watch me silently.
     At least she's stopped crying.
     "I'm sorry," I say lamely. "I didn't understand."
     Her face crumples. "I know!" she whines. "I should've told you more, but you said it would stop hurting, and it didn't, and I didn't want to act stupid like I didn't believe you, but I never stopped hurting, and..." She dissolves into tears.

    I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest with an ice pick. "Shh! It's not your fault!" It's mine. "Please don't cry." I can't keep from reaching out and moving her hands so that I can wipe her tears myself. Then I decide to get a washcloth and completely wipe her face after wetting the washcloth in the tub. Next, I reach for the hand towel and dry her face. She lets me do it all with her eyes closed the whole time.
    I'm reminded of just this morning when I bathed her in her shower, and I get mildly turned on again as I think about it.
    Stop it!
    If there could be a good side to my pity-party down in the hot tub earlier, it's that I'm no longer hornier than a rabbit. I feel like shit actually.
     'Nothing compared to how Marie feels, you know.'
     I sigh helplessly. I can't change the past, but I'll be damned if she remembers her first time in a negative light. There's got to still be a way I can fix this.

Marie

    The hot water in the bathtub finally starts feeling good instead of like it's burning me 'down there.' I still feel extremely raw, but everything has stopped stinging.
    Jesse starts lovingly stroking my face with his hands. "I'm sorry," he whispers.
    "Me too."
    "No. It's not your fault. I was too stupid and horny to realize it would take us longer. I should've stopped," he says quietly, still petting my face and hair.
     I open my eyes and look up at him. "But I didn't want you to have to stop, but it just wouldn't stop hurting." I stop talking because my voice cracks. I don't need to break down again.
    "That's enough for now, or we'll wind up going in circles," he says with gentle sternness. "Is the bath helping?"
     "Yes."
     "That's good," he says. "I brought you my houserobe since I didn't guess you'd want to wear your bikini."
    I think of something else I'm going to need. "I... um... might... need feminine products." I bite my lip and look at him.
    "Well, I guess I can run out and get some." A small smile plays around his lips as he says, "I don't keep that sort of thing here."
    "Where are you going to buy that stuff at this time of night?"
    "White Sands keeps a shop open twenty four hours a day," he says, talking about the island's big resort. "They probably sell those things."
    I tell him what I need, and he offers to help me out of the tub before he goes. I tell him I'm staying in the tub until he gets back.
    "Then I'll hurry back."
    After he gets back and hands me the simple underwear he bought me so that I could use a pad just in case (no way am I using a tampon!), I put on his robe, and the two of us curl up together in his bed.

    I'm happy I'm finally sleeping-sleeping with him again. I suppose it doesn't matter anymore since we've officially thrown 'simple' out the window today.
    "I'm calling in sick tomorrow. They'll be fine without me," Jesse says as his warm arms hold me.
     "You don't have to do that," I say sleepily.
     "Yes I do."
      He's so sweet. I should tell him. No, now isn't the right time to tell him I love him. He'll think it's because of what he said.

    I'm dreaming.
    Jesse plays with a small boy on his back. They're both laughing like crazy, and Jesse pulls the boy off his back and places him on the floor to tickle him.
    "Mommy!" the boy says to me. Jesse looks up and smiles at me too as the little boy gets up and runs over to me to hug me around my legs.
    Smiling, I extract the child from my legs and kneel down to look at him. He has an exact copy of Jesse's eyes. I give him a more proper hug before he suddenly announces he wants to play outside.
    The next thing I know, Jesse's kissing me. It's a dream; things don't have to go along with perfect logic.

    "I love you, Jesse," I tell him simply, and he smiles and kisses me again.
    This one's an even better kiss. I feel like Jesse's all around me, and it's wonderful. I move to try to get closer to him, and I feel a pinch of pain. I take in a fast breath of air because the pain took me by surprise.
    "Are you okay?" Jesse asks.
    "Yeah. I guess I have to be more careful," I say sleepily. Jesse is so warm as we lie here in his bed with his arms around me, and I pull him back to me so that I can have more of his lips.
    Wasn't I standing a minute ago? Oh well, it's a dream.
    Jesse moans in a very real way as his arms hold me tightly to him.
    I'm not dreaming anymore.

Jesse

    I wake up in the morning to find Marie sleeping peacefully next to me. She looks so beautiful as she smiles while she sleeps. I wish my cameraphone wasn't broken.
    "I love you, Jesse," she says in her sleep.
    My whole world freezes in space and time. Did I really just hear that?
    Yes I did.
    I scoop her into my arms and kiss her awake.

    "I love you, Jesse. I love you, Jesse. I love you, Jesse..." her words echo in my mind, committing themselves to a wonderful memory. I hold her tighter, and she hisses in a pained breath. Oops.
     I ask her if she's okay, and she says she thinks she has to be more careful. I start to tell her that I think it was because I pulled her to me when she pulls me to her. Oh, baby, I think with a moan as I own her mouth. Need for her nags at me, and I slowly start losing control.
     But she's still hurting. If only I could help her feel better somehow...
     I get an idea. I'm not sure it'll work, but I hope she's willing to give it a try.
     "Marie, I want to do something to you. I think it'll help," I say gently.
     "What?" she asks with innocent curiosity.

     I pause. "If I tell you what I'm going to do, you might not let me. Once I've started doing it and you decide you don't like it, then you can tell me to stop, but please let's try my idea."
      "I might not let you?" she asks worriedly.
      "You might not; I don't know," I say as I purposefully remove the robe she wears and then her underwear. There's a little blood on the pad she wore.
      "Jesse! I'm going to ruin your sheets!"
      "Then I'll buy new sheets," I say with a shrug as I get up and open a drawer to get something out of it.
      She looks at the tube of lubricant with wide eyes and asks, "What is that?"
      Can you blame her for not trusting you, asshole? I think painfully.
      I tell her what it is. "All I'm going to use is my fingers to sort of use it like massage oil or lotion for cracked skin or something."
      "Inside me?" she squeaks.
       "Once I've started doing it and if it hurts, then you can tell me to stop, but please trust me a minute and let me try to make it better," I repeat what I said earlier.
      "I don't know, Jesse," she whines, and it breaks my heart. "You don't need to try to fix this."

    I lean down to gently kiss her. She's nervous, and I loathe that. "Please let me try," I whisper. She doesn't say anything, and I put a bit of lube on my fingertips and move them down to gently massage the outer area of her vagina.
    "Jesse," she cries.
    "Does this hurt?" I ask, dying inside.
    "No, but I feel so embarrassed," she says while covering her eyes with her hands
    I lean down and lovingly kiss her cheeks. "Don't be," I whisper. "I love you. Don't be embarrassed with me, ma Marie And if it hurts at all, I'll stop immediately." I kiss her as I put a bit more of the stuff on my fingertips.
     She breathes in quickly through her nose, but I refuse to release her mouth as I gently use my index finger to place the lube a fingertip's depth inside of her before carefully circling it around.
     "Okay?" I ask after I release her mouth.
     She breathes shakily and nods her head, and I do it again, this time a little deeper. I watch her face very carefully as my fingertip brushes her frontal wall. For the tiniest of seconds, her expression changes. I reapply the lube to my fingers and this time place my index and middle fingers in her to massage her. She takes in a big breath of air as I pass by again, and I feel her body has added to the lubricant I'm using. I focus on her frontal wall now with only small passes everywhere else, and her eyes close.
    Good.
    "Does it hurt?" I ask because I have to.
    She takes a shaky breath in and answers in a whisper, "No."
    My lips twitch up to a quick smile before I ask, "Does it feel good?"
    "Yes," she whispers to me, and I pull out to get a little more on my fingertips even if it's probably unnecessary now. "More," she whispers, and her eyes open to look up at me before she closes them again and tilts her head up.

    God, she's beautiful, I think and force myself to take a deep breath to keep from attacking her.
     I apply the smallest increase in pressure against her, and she closes her eyes. I am so very happy that I'm not hurting her.
     "I'm not hurting you?" I ask just to be sure.
     "No," she moans, and I pull my fingers out to get a little more lube on them. I'm going deeper.
     "Still okay?" I ask.
     "Yes, but I liked it better before," she says and tries moving her hips to get my fingers where she wants them.
     "No, don't do that. Trust me and please relax," I tell her, getting more into it by the second.
     "Oh," she lets out in a high-pitched voice when I find her g-spot. A tremor goes through her when I slowly start moving my fingers, pressing down with varying intensities. She gasps my name, and for a second, I worry I hurt her. Looking at her, I can tell that wasn't the case. "Faster," the little minx breathes.
     "I'll go whatever speed I want, and I want to make sure I don't hurt you," I counter, and she whines my name. She starts moving her hips to my hand, and although I know she won't hurt herself, I don't want to risk it. "Be still," I order.
     "No," she cries. "I can't."
     "You can, and you will even if I have to hold you down. Don't make it have to come to that. Behave, and I won't have to stop."
    "No, don't stop!"
    "Then be still," I tell her and love how she does as I say. That doesn't stop her from wordlessly telling me how she's going insane, but I don't mind.
     Her breathing gets heavier, and I speed up just a little before her hips thrust into my hand while I push back. She cries out, and I worry. However, I keep going while her mouth opens in a silent scream, and I pray it's from extreme pleasure and not pain. Then she moans, and her forehead doesn't wrinkle at all. Good.
     She goes limp, and I slowly pull my fingers out of her while she makes a little noise. She's at that buzzed state where I could do almost anything I wanted, but all I want to do is kiss her. So I do.
    I wrap my arms around her and go a little crazy as I kiss her sometimes-responsive mouth. At the very least, she opens it for me when I use my jaw against hers. I have Marie. She's mine. Finally, someone loves me back! I hold her tighter to me. "I love you," I breathe into her mouth for a second before kissing her more.
    She acts like she's trying to 'come to' as her hand periodically comes up to touch my face before falling limp again. A short whine slips out of her, and I decide to continue kissing her and not worry for now what she's trying to do.

     "Jesse..." she whispers while I let her breathe and kiss her on her face and neck. "Jesse..."
     "Mm?" I ask wordlessly but not pushing her to hurry up and tell me whatever it is she wants to say.
     She takes a deep breath, lets it out, takes another one, and says, "I love you."
     Some strange noise escapes me before I go absolutely crazy. It's probably a good thing I'm still half-dressed. I quite literally can't get enough as I wish to devour her from the inside out. Again, I feel like a living cliche, but I don't care! She consciously told me! A small sob slips out because I have no control over myself anymore. Marie loves me, she said it again, this time awake. Right now, I don't care if I should start bawling.
     Her face smiles a little, and that means I have to kiss her again. I've spent years looking for this very thing. I finally found it! I want to capture the air she breathed out as she told me she loves me. I realize that's impossible, but I still want to. Oh well, I have her, and that's what really matters. I squeeze her tightly.
      A little squeak comes out of her because I hugged her too hard. I laugh a small laugh and relax my incredibly-crazy grip of her.

      I can feel my lips quirk as I try to keep a straight face to say something I've always wanted to say: "I love you more."
      She laughs, I guess at my expression, and says, "You did not just say that."
     "You bet your sweet ass I did," I respond and go right back to kissing her like a madman.