52: Serious Discussion

(The following night...)

Erin

     Bryce and I stand on my front porch after walking over here. Marie still has my scooter, but I don't mind.
     Bryce looks pained.
     "Are you sure?" he asks me again.
     I've decided that since Sean is gone that I'm going to go back to living in my house. Bryce looked crestfallen when I told him this earlier today. He'd thought I could at least stay the week like we'd planned, but I need a little space between us for at least a night.
     "Bryce, I'll be fine. You'll be fine," I say quietly.
     "When can I see you again?" he asks like he would at the end of a first date or something.
     I shrug like it's no big deal. "Tomorrow, I guess."
     He takes a deep breath. "What time?"
     "You can come over right after Adele gets on the bus again like you've done before," I offer. Then he pulls me into his arms like he wants to somehow physically attach us together permanently.
     "I'm glad now that I work late hours. At least I'll be distracted while at work and exhausted when I get home." He mumbles now, "I used to be quite good at that routine."
     I bury my head in the little space between his neck and shoulder and sigh. This has been so intense that he's going to have trouble slowing down.
     "Bryce, ..."
     "I know," he says, quickly stopping my chastisement before I can say it. Then we simply stand here holding each other.

      I have a sudden desire to reach my hand down and run my fingertips across his stomach. He's wearing another of those thin t-shirts of his, and I want to eat him alive. To try to make myself feel better, I turn a little so that I'm pressed more fully against him. He takes a deep breath and squeezes me tighter. Our breathing alters, and he rolls his head around to get my face to turn up before he lovingly kisses me in one of his 'Bryce kisses,' quickly spiraling out of control.
     He tries to talk while kissing me. "You feel... so good... like this."
     A hand reaches down to grab my butt and pull me closer to him so that I can really tell how the moment affects him.
     Some small amount of sanity escapes me so I can say, "You have to... go to work."
     "I'll be late," he says, grabbing my keys from my hand.

     Before I know what's happening, I find myself up on the kitchen counter. He's already yanked my panties down before placing me up here, and he works himself just enough out of his shorts before swiftly pulling me towards him and driving himself into me.
     Shirt. Off. Now, I think before he can really begin, and I proceed to remove the shirt. He happily assists me, and at last, I get to run my hands over his beautiful abs.
      Well, for just a moment, because he pulls me tight up on him, hugging me to him as he starts up a steady rhythm. Soon, I'm only half on the counter while he bounces me. I tightly wrap my arms around his neck to find some stability. Then, as the mounting pleasure builds, I also cling to him out of desperation. All I'm really able to do is hold on while he handles everything else.
      "Oh," he gasps. "Baby. C'mon, Erin."
      I let out a cry. How does he do that by just talking?
      He whispers to me, "Come for me, Erin."

      Like magic, I do as he asks, throwing my head back as another cry escapes me. He stops for a solitary second before suddenly yelling and pressing my hips harder into him. I come again from the force of his orgasm. That, or that was one hell of an aftershock.
     His phone rings. He ignores it.
     "It's bound to be Jones," I gasp out.
     "Probably," he agrees, trying to catch his breath. With a groan, he pulls out of me and helps me to stand on my feet. His tongue escapes his mouth before even reaching mine, and I have mine open to accept it.

      "I don't want to go to work. I want to stay here and do wickedly naughty things to you."
      I can't stop my shudder from what he said, and my voice sounds breathless when I reply, "But you're the boss. You have to go to work."
       He rights his shorts and tells me he hates it when I'm right about stuff like this. I laugh a little.
      "Tomorrow then," he smiles mischievously at me before running a single finger down the side of my face, kissing the tip of my nose, and turning to leave with his shirt in his hand.
       He stops when he gets to the door, turns and says, "Oh, before I go..." He bounds over to me. "I love you." Then he quickly kisses my mouth, smiles, and dashes out the door before I can respond.
      I laugh at the inside of my front door. Then I walk over and flop down on my small sofa, my mood instantly changing. Bryce, I think with a groan, how often am I gonna have to tell you to slow down?

      I start crying.
      What is wrong with me? Why am I crying?! I should be happy! Sean is gone! Gone! I never have to see him again.
      I actually cry harder at this thought. I will never see him again.
      I need to figure myself out, and fast. I'm crying over losing Sean again.
      My subconscious refused to let me think about this around Bryce for fear of hurting him with this display.
      Sean, why did you have to do that? Why? I loved you with everything I had and you... you slept with my best friend of all people! Why?!
      And now I'll never know why... because he's gone.
      I'm glad he's gone.
      I miss him.
      No! I love Bryce. My sweet, secretly-sensitive Bryce that loves me and wants me with him all the time.
      I never got to have a serious discussion with Sean. Of course, he never would want a serious discussion unless it occurred after sex, and then I'd have to be fast.
      I need a serious discussion with him though.
      But he's gone.
      I look at my laptop sitting on my desk, and an idea occurs to me.
      I'll send him an email.

      I sit down and open my email up. I haven't opened it in ages because I got aggravated at Bill for spamming me. It's filled with warnings about Sean coming to the island.
      I need to call my brother and tell him I'm okay.
      I shoot him a quick email telling him everything is fine, Sean is on his way home, or there, without me. I only just hint at the fact that I have another boyfriend already. I don't wanna hit him with too much at once. Then, I write up an email to Sean:

     I hit send. Then, I decide to write in my diary. I haven't done that in ages either.

Dear Diary,
     I decided to stick with Bryce, and I haven't regretted my decision. He really is that wonderful person he was on our first day... the day that Jesse visited me here and kissed me. Jesse and I have become good friends, surprisingly. He's really sweet and funny when he's not trying to hit on me. (He hasn't since then.) He and Bryce made up in their strange way that I won't get into, and now he's wanting to date someone named Marie.
      Marie is the same Marie that Cristina grew up with and claimed she bullied her. I'd always wondered if perhaps Cris was exaggerating. She can be so overly-dramatic at times, and now that I've heard Marie's side of the story, I think what Cristina did to her is cruel. The worst is that Dawson over whom they fought. Marie would do better with Jesse. I think he could easily fall in love with her if he hasn't already.

     My email pings at me. It's Sean. ?!?!

     I start crying again. That was the Sean I fell in love with.
     He even apologized for ending in a preposition.
      My IM dings.


Sean: Are you there?

     Oh shit. It's Sean, I think and wipe my eyes.
      The little dot next to my name indicates that I am online. Curse me for not turning it off!

Erin: Yes.
Sean: Did you read it?
Erin: Yes.

      My computer stays silent for a few minutes before he says something again.

Sean: I was a complete asshole, and I'm infinitely sorry. I wish there was a better word than sorry.

Erin: I know. Thank you for telling me the truth. Did you make it home okay?

     I throw in the question just to be polite.

Sean: I will never be okay. Because I miss you so bad it hurts.

     I feel like was just stabbed.

Sean: Maybe we're better off apart, but I wish we could've worked things out.

     No.

Erin: We can never work things out because I would never be able to trust you again.
Sean: I know.
Sean: So, what am I interrupting? What were you doing?
Erin: I was just writing in my diary.

     I don't want to discuss my day with him, so I kept my answer simple.

Sean: Boyfriend not there?
Erin: That's none of your business.

     I'm not going to tell you I'm sitting here alone.

Sean: Okay. I was just wondering. It's not like I can hop over there anyway.
Sean: I couldn't imagine that if he's there that he's left you alone long enough to email, write in your diary (which you only do when you're alone ;) ), and chat with me for a minute.

     Son of a...

Erin: He doesn't hover over me constantly.

     I can't help but get defensive.

Sean: I didn't mean that he did. But now that you mention it, I did notice how he never let you out of his sight for long. Bit overboard imho.
Erin: Not overboard. Protective. You scared the shit out of me, so I needed him to be that way.
Sean: Yet another reason for you to hate me.
Erin: I don't *hate* you. I just don't want you in my life anymore.
Sean: And I'm sorry for that. Deeply, agonizingly sorry.
Sean: I am still your brother's friend.
Erin: With friends like you...

      Don't point out to me ways I might see you again someday!

Sean: I told him where you are.
Erin: Doesn't matter anymore because you were the one from whom I wanted to hide.
Sean: You mean hide from?

     I let out a high-pitched growl.

Sean: C'mon, baby doll, it doesn't kill you if you end a sentence in a preposition. It's even allowed.
Erin: I'm not having this discussion with you. You know why I can't stand that. I'm done with this conversation. Thank you for explaining things to me.

     I almost shut off my computer, but I have to say one more thing.

Erin: Also, I'm not your baby doll.

     I turn off my computer before he can have a chance to make a comeback.

     I am so angry! I think as I get up and walk around in my small living room.
     Deciding that I can't stand the enclosed space, I walk outside to my backyard and stare out over the lagoon.
     Yes, Sean, you were immature and conceited, and arrogant, and a world-class jerk!
     And you said sorry. There should be a better word.
     Damn you! I loved you! You went out and hurt me on purpose so you could have 'one more fling.' Well, anyone who wants 'one more fling' shouldn't get married at all because that means he/she isn't ready!
     I'm glad, now, that I walked in on them. Finding him like that, with her, kept me from saddling myself with an asshole.
      And eventually brought me here... to Bryce... someone who's been hurt badly... and never dealt with it. I need to deal with this now.
      I try, but I can't think about myself anymore. My heart swells when I picture Bryce in my mind, and I feel more worried about him than I do myself.
      I'm not in the same place you are, Bryce. I'm in a better one.
      I will never be married to Sean, and I'm happy about that.
      I'm happy!

      I look up and hug myself, almost laughing with relief. I feel like ten tons have been forever lifted off my shoulders.
      I do laugh now as I twirl in a circle, a few happy tears escaping my eyes.
      I'm completely in love with Bryce! I have an overpowering want to see him, but I don't have my scooter. His bar is on the other side of the lagoon.
      Maybe I could swim...
      Nah, that's too crazy. I'll just call him and hear his voice.
      I dial his number.
      "Hey, Beautiful. What's up?"

      "I love you," I say simply, a few more tears escaping.
      "Couldn't let me have the last word, huh?" I hear the laughter in his voice.
      "No, I really love you," I say emphatically, praying the emotion in my voice reaches him over his phone in the loud bar.
      He stays quiet for a few seconds before his voice sounds a little choked up when he finally says, "I believe you." The background noise has lessened dramatically. "Do you have... any idea how hard it is for me to stay put at work right now?"
     "Yes. I wish I had my scooter."
     "I love you too," he says. His voice sounds quiet, and I can picture him standing in the extra seating area, trying not to break down in public.
      I decide to tell him how I reached my conclusion. "I needed some time to think, I guess." I choose to not mar this wonderful moment by talking about Sean. He can hear about that later.
      "Still tomorrow, or will you spend the night? It's killing me to not have you right here with me."
      "I still need a little 'alone time,' but maybe tomorrow night," I answer, and he stays quiet. "Bryce, don't be upset."
     "Upset? Me?" Then I hear a sad smile in his voice as he says, "I suppose I can wait and see you in the morning."
      "It's not that far away."
      "Get some sleep, my beautiful Erin, because you're going to need it."
       Huh?! After I catch my breath, I ask, "Is that a threat?"
       "No. Not really. It's friendly advice to keep you from being entirely worn out for tomorrow night from what I want to do to you tomorrow morning."
      I can't stop the small whimper from escaping as I think about all he could possibly mean, and I pray he didn't hear it.
      "That's right, baby," he says knowingly.
      Holy shit!

      "How am I supposed to sleep now?" I almost whisper.
      "Hm, well, you could come over tonight so I could wear you out, but you'd have to be quiet. If that happens, I might go easy on you in the morning."
      My voice sounds extra-shaky as I reply, "Bryce, I need to be by myself tonight. I need to let eradicating Sean from everything soak in and get complete closure."
      "All right, baby," he says more gently. "That's incredibly important to me too. Don't worry about me tonight, just get some good sleep."
      "Okay," I breathe, not able to say much more.
      I hear his smile as he says, "Goodnight, Erin. I love you."
      "I love you too, Bryce," I say, and we hang up.
      I stumble off to my bed for a few hours of sleep, ready to start everything afresh tomorrow.

51: Trick

I'm not apologizing for a longer chapter. :P
I'd've = I would have

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Marie

    "I keep forgetting to ask you. I left some clothes in your car the other day and I was wondering -"

    He interrupts me. "Oh, yeah. I found them and washed them. They're upstairs," he answers my sort-of question, and my mouth drops open in mild shock.

     "I didn't expect you to wash them for me."

     "Why not?"

      I don't think I need to tell him I'm surprised he even does laundry. "Uh, okay. Where upstairs?"

       "I put them out of the way for the party. They're up in my office. C'mon," he answers me, and I numbly follow him into his house and up the stairs.

     We get up the stairs and walk into his office. I see a little shopping bag, maybe even the very same one I'd used, propped up against the wall near his desk.
      "Here they are," he says and holds the bag out for me to take. When I move to take it, he quickly pulls it back out of my reach.
      "What?" I ask and look up at his face to see him grinning at me. Oh no. "Jesse..." I say in warning. We're alone up here, and most of the guests have already left.
        "You know," he says, still grinning, "maybe I should just keep them."
        "What?!"
        "I could make an exchange..." He leaves the possibility hanging. "What will you give me in exchange for the clothes?"
        I cant help but laugh a little at his boyish expression. "Keep the clothes then, Jesse. I'm not bargaining with you." As I walk towards the door to leave, his arm pops out and stops me.

     The shock from the feel of his warm hand on my bare skin makes it nearly impossible to stop him from pulling me towards him. I feel irritatingly weak from uncontrollable excited trepidation.
     "Not even a little bit?" he asks teasingly.
      Pull yourself together, Marie! Arm's length! I think rapidly and push at his naked chest. His other arm whips around me after it throws the bag on the floor, and he pulls me flush against him, shocking me further.
      "Let me go," I say quickly, unable to mask my slight fear.
      "Why?" he asks, and I don't answer him. "Why are you afraid?"
      "I'm not," I answer stubbornly.
      "Yes, you are. You're shaking," he states in a calm voice.
       I try to use a move to get his arms out from around me, but I can't get the right leverage, not to mention I have no strength at the moment, to pull it off. I could always knee him, but I hope it doesn't come to that. I will if I have to though.
       "You're afraid of me? I'm not going to hurt you."
       Not physically, no.
       "I know that!" I snap. "Just let me go."
       "In a minute," he says. "I don't want to let go yet."
       "Okay, Jesse. You're right. I am afraid. Now, please just let me go," I cry.
       "Tell me why you're afraid," he requests calmly, his voice having a soothing edge to it.
        "I can't... do this."
        "Do what?"
        "This! This close. You're too close!"
        "This isn't too close," he states, and I feel his hands momentarily tighten their grip.
        "I told you. I just can't do this sort of thing. Have you learned nothing from this afternoon?"
        "I did learn. I learned that you were hurt pretty bad, and you're having trouble getting over it." His mouth moves closer to my ear as he says. "I think you need to let it go emotionally just like moving here physically got you away from it," he says quietly, now leaned in and his breath on my cheek.

      "Oh sure," I say sarcastically, trying to keep my wits about me. "Just 'let it go.' That's impossible."
      "It's not," he mumbles and starts lightly planting kisses along my cheek to my ear. "Do you still love him, Marie?" he asks quietly into my ear.
        I let out a shaky breath, and he holds me tighter. I can't stop the small tremor from going through me as his warm breath caresses my throat. I feel like he's everywhere, even if all he's doing is holding me and occasionally kissing my cheek... or my ear... down my neck to my shoulder... and the tender way he does it just makes it harder to fight.
       "Do you?" he asks again.
       Before I can answer, however, I gasp as he slowly glides his tongue along my shoulder and up the side of my neck.
       "Jesse, please. I can't think," I manage to say while he heads along my cheekbone again, this time in the opposite direction... towards my mouth.
       "Then don't," he says.
        I should have predicted that, I think just before his lips brush mine.

     I expect to be passionately kissed, but he doesn't do it that way. He, instead, continues to lightly kiss my lips and all around my mouth, not really kissing the exact same place twice or with the same amount of pressure.
      I know what he's doing. He wants me to kiss him back, and he acts like he could kiss me like this all night until I finally give in.
      "No," I breathe out as a whisper, meaning 'no, I won't fall for your little trick.'
      He pauses for a short second to look me in the eyes. I don't know what he's searching for, but apparently he's okay with whatever it was because he starts kissing me again in the same way.
      "Jesse, I'm not going to kiss you," I say in a whine against his lips. I wish I could believe my own declaration.
      "Oh, but I'm enjoying kissing you," he responds against my lips.
      I start shaking from the effort to hold back. He doesn't care that I'm not going to kiss him back?
      He mercifully leaves my mouth, but it's only to travel down to my throat. I hear myself let out a strange aggravated/sad/weary noise as my chin goes up of its own accord, giving him better access.
      I notice my hands have moved up to his shoulders as they start digging into them like claws, and I let out another noise as I feel it's hopeless. I do have feelings for him as well, and now I'm trapped in his spell. I vaguely wonder how many other women have fallen victim to this sweet torture as he works his way past my jaw on the way back to my lips. When he gets there, I voraciously welcome him back.
      He moans into me, continuing to very gently kiss me and drive me insane. He refuses to deepen the kiss. I'd again expected him to passionately kiss me, but he won't.
       What have I got to do?! I think as I've now completely turned from not kissing him back to begging him to kiss me more deeply. I let out a pleading cry and stick my tongue in his mouth.

      This time, his response is instantaneous as he violently kisses me back. Finally, I'm getting what I need when I didn't realize I needed it in the first place. His arms hold me impossibly closer as he hungrily slants his mouth across mine for several blissful minutes. Then, one arm lets go so that he can bring his hand up to caress my face, hair, and neck. His mouth is at odds with his hand as his tongue attacks mine. His other hand reaches down and firmly grasps my behind, hauling me more against him while he leans into me.

     To keep from falling backwards, I cling to his neck and shoulders. He suddenly leaves my mouth in favor of my chest, and I breathe in a quick gasp as he eagerly roams around with his tongue.
      I miss his lips. I want them back. Now.
      I grasp a fistful of his hair and jerk his face back to mine. He whines a little but succumbs to my wordless demand. Mon Dieu, but this man can kiss! I'm starving for something I had no idea I was missing.
      He pulls my bottom lip with his teeth as his hand takes over from where his tongue left off on my breasts. I let out a cry of shock when his hand slips into my swimsuit top. After I take in another breath, his mouth fully reclaims mine.
      While he kisses me, he starts rubbing against me suggestively. I feel through the thin, loose fabric of his swimsuit just how affected he is by what's happening. He's really letting me know too.
      Oh no, I think in a mild panic. Has it come to THAT?
      His hand leaves my breast, and before I even realize what he's doing, he's undone my swimsuit top.
       The shock of what he did and where this is going yanks me fully back to cold, hard reality. Then his mouth claims my nipple, and he suckles me... hard.

      "Ah! Jesse!" I cry out since what he does is almost painful. He has both arms wrapped around my waist, holding me steadily to his slightly-bent form.
      I look around the room and try to remember why I wanted to ask him to stop a moment ago. So he took my top off. So what?
      He leaves one for the other, his whole mouth taking possession while his hand moves up to the one he abandoned. His tongue swirls around while his lips pull at me, and pleasure like a bolt of lightning shoots straight down to my most private of areas. I hardly recognize my own voice as strange noises escape me.
      Suddenly, he lifts me up and carries me to the small loveseat he has in this room.

      "Wait. Jesse..."
      "Why?" he asks before he prevents me from answering.
       I am half lying on this couch and half pulled up to him while he crouches over me. His mouth never leaves mine as his tongue teases mine, playing chase and making me forget everything else for a while.
       I get a little confused when he stops kissing me for a moment to gently pull out the band holding my ponytail up. Released, my hair fans out, I guess framing my face. He looks down at me and smiles.
       I want to cry. What am I doing?! He's getting exactly what he wants only to hurt me later!
       "You're so beautiful, Marie," he says quietly to me on his way back to my lips. Then it's back to more of his amazing kissing ability.
       Maybe... maybe I can... maybe I can just kiss him some more before I have to push him away. I don't have to stop him now... My thoughts chase one another in my head.
       Cocktease, I hear Cristina's voice taunt before her irritating giggle comes next.
        Jesse's large hands roam over me almost lazily as he continues to make it harder for me to think. He is too good at pretending he really cares for me.
        I met him five days ago. Five days. Five, and I've caved.
       His hand moves to between my thighs.
       "Oh!" I cry out when I jerk free from his kiss. It must stop here. Oh shit but that feels good! No. No no.
       I look over at him and see his eyes watch my internal struggle.
       "Jesse. No. Stop. Please," I gasp out. He pauses, but he doesn't move his hand away. I scoot away and fold my arms to cover myself.
        He looks crestfallen as he asks, "Why?" He moves to follow me while his arm reaches out to grasp my waist. I kick it away and curl up into a ball. "Marie?" he asks, and I randomly wonder how many times he's called a woman by the wrong name.

     He moves to sit next to me on the couch. "You didn't like that? What did I do?" He scoots closer, and I ball myself up tighter. His expression tells me he earnestly wants to know what he did wrong. "What's wrong?"
      "How many times must I tell you I'm not ready for any sort of romantic relationship?" I snap.
      He sits back suddenly while his head jerks back a little like he's been toppled over by a huge wave. He runs his hand down his face like he's dumbfoundedly angry before he visibly calms down.
      "Why do you keep saying that when it's obviously not true?" he counters.
      "No. You tricked me."
       "Tricked you?" he laughs out the question. "Give yourself a little more credit, Marie. I tricked you?"
       "You know what I mean!"
       "No, not exactly. Enlighten me."
       "I've told you since day one that I'm not ready for any of that! Then, you have to go and kiss me!'
       "And both times, if this counts as one time, you kissed me back. Quite demandingly a minute ago if I recall."
       I kick him, or, at least, I should've kicked him, but he shoots his hand out and catches my ankle.
       Good reflexes.
       "Let go!"
       "Are you gonna try to kick me again?"
       "Are you going to be an ass again?"
       "Pointing out the truth is not being an ass," he snarls before placing my foot back in front of me. "Back to my earlier point... you wanted it."
       "Only because you made me want it."
       "Much as I'd love for that to be true, I can't make you if you really don't want to."
       "All right, but you took the tiny bit that might have wanted it and... and... "

       "Fanned the flame?" he finishes for me, his eyebrow raised in a cocky manner.
       I let out an enraged growl and dart for the bag with my clothes in it. He makes no move to stop me. Facing away from him, I pull my shirt over my head before I turn around and snatch my swimsuit top from where he threw it on the floor.

      Suddenly, his arms are around me again as he begs, "Don't leave."
      I force his arms away angrily and quickly have to work to keep it from happening again.
      "Do you want me to hurt you?" I threaten.
      "If you leave, you will."
      "Don't bullshit me," I snap.
      "I'm not bullshitting you!"
      "Yes you are!" I yell and elbow him in the ribs. Hard.
      He lets out a gasp as all the air in his lungs gets expelled, and he's forced to instantly let go of me and clutch his stomach. I reach down and pick up my dropped bag.
      He gasps out, "Please. I'm... sorry for whatever I did. Or, ...didn't do."
      I stand in front of the door and worry that I might have really hurt him. "Are you okay? I didn't break a rib, did I?"
      His breathing becomes more regular as he responds, "Oh, now you're worried about whether or not you hurt me?"
       Smart-ass. "You wouldn't let go. I warned you."

       He winces and leans back against the wall while sitting on the floor at my feet. "No, you didn't break a rib." His eyes narrow as he peers up at me before he asks, "How is it that someone as little as you can even do that?"
       I barely suppress a laugh at the 'little' comment. "You have poor balance."
       "What's that even got to do with anything?"
       "It has a lot to do with everything if you want to know how someone as 'little as me' can even do that," I reply in a snide voice. I am not little. I have never been little... not even as a kid.
      "Well, maybe I'd understand that better if you would just teach me," he snaps back, bringing up our earlier argument. "I even called the gym and they said they had the right equipment."
      This news surprises me a little. I'd hoped that I could use the 'I don't have any equipment' (not that it really matters anyway) argument in my favor. I wish he'd give this whole idea up.
      "Fine!" I finally snap. "When is your next day off?" I want to kick his ass now.
      "Monday."
      "Alright. Gym. Monday, six am sharp. You'll need the rest of the day to recover."
      "You're making me get up that early on my day off?" he asks in a pained voice.
      "If you want me to teach you, yes."
      "Is the gym even open that early?"
      "Yes. I've been there that early once already. I'll have to ask the lady at the desk where this imaginary equipment is since I've never seen it before." I liked getting to the gym that early last Saturday. There was almost no one there.
      I reach down and grab my bag again, preparing to leave.
      "Marie, please don't leave!" he groans out as he gets up off the floor as fast as his aching rib will let him.
      "Why should I stay?" I ask, eyebrows raised and wondering how he'll answer my question.
      "Because I threw this party for you!" he answers defensively. "Don't leave this soon."
      "This isn't soon, and when would not be too soon?!" Anger fills me and drives me to my next question. "When you're done with me?"
      Again, he looks like I just slapped him. He breathes faster for a minute before he asks, "'Done' with you? What the hell! What do you take me for, Marie?"
      "I take you as a man that goes through women faster than my new boss used to." I glare at him as I repeat the old waitress's words.
      "What?! Why the hell would you get that idea?"
      "Let's just say I have what I would call a reliable source."
      "Who?" When I don't answer immediately, he begs, "Marie, please at least tell me who my accuser is."

      "Fine. The waitress that used to have my job," I snap, angry I had to reveal my source. Still, on some very tiny level, I want him to discredit her. I don't dwell on this feeling, however, because I don't want it to make me give in to Jesse again.
       "Bernadette?" he gasps out. "Wait... that Friday night party when we were both dressed up?" I nod, and he continues, "Before or after she asked me out?"
       My jaw drops. I had forgotten the flowers. I'd been so eager to believe her trash talk since I'd been irritated with him that night. He stands in front of me, watching my face before his eyes rest on my lips after I force myself to snap my jaw closed. He looks at me like he wants to kiss me again.
       I take an unconscious half-step back before I say, "Well, I can't help but feel her statement has the ring of truth."
      "So, you think I'm some kind of player," he states his question.
      "Yes," I finally admit.
      "Are you going to let me defend myself, or have you made up your mind no matter what I say?" he asks, surprising me with his question. His voice is steady and his expression curious.
      "Defend yourself?"
      "Yes. I admit, there were numerous times I played around, but I always made sure they knew."
      "Like you're doing me."

      He sighs like he has the patience of a saint which I know he doesn't. "No. If I were only playing you, I'd've given up days ago. I certainly wouldn't be putting forth an idea that would mean I'd see you over and over again like I would if you were my simfu instructor."
     "Which is something that you could cancel on a whim," I snap. "Or just stop showing up."

      He continues with his statement, not letting what I said affect him, "Then there were times when I wasn't playing. I was serious. I thought they were too."
      As he speaks, his presence looms closer and closer in a very gradual way. I become aware of this only when he's right on top of me. I take a step back.

       "You're not the only one with a broken heart, Marie," he says, his voice a little lower now. His hand reaches up and grasps my chin to make me look up at him.
        He's seconds from kissing me again, and I can't let that happen! I jerk my chin out of his grasp and glare at him as I say, "Oh no you don't!"
       His calm demeanor vanishes as he harshly asks, "What have I got to do to get you to understand? To believe me?"
       "Wait!" I nearly yell.
       "So much time that could be better spent I think," he says, grabs me, and crushes his lips on mine.
      Shocked surprise keeps me from responding for a few, long seconds. His thumb presses down on my chin, forcing my mouth open. His tongue quickly regains its lost territory. I let out a muffled, shocked cry and, like an idiot, try to push him off me.
      Instantly, his posture changes into something much less forceful, but he still won't get off me.
      Just when I think I'm going to have to hurt him (knowing his rib is a definite weak point), he pulls back and speaks down to me.
      "They all left, Marie. Most of them thought I was funny for falling in love with them so quickly. It was always the same. You think I'd learn, but no. I keep trying anyway. I have to. I never know if I could miss an opportunity." His voice sounds pained, and the sorrow in it tears at my heart.
     "An opportunity for what?" I ask, trying not to snap at the more tender feelings I have.
     "Well, if for no other way to put it, finding 'the one.'"
      I feel a very defensive anger well up inside of me. I can't let what he said touch my heart. "Let go of me! I'm tired of the lines. I'm going home!"
      "Fine!" he yells. "Be like all the others! Maybe I should be like you and just stop trying!"
      Now I'm pissed off. He still hasn't let go of me, so I quickly ram the heel of my foot down on his instep, punch his hurt rib, and when he leans over to hold his stomach, I knee him in the groin. While he cries out in pain, I grab my bag, walk out of the room, leave his house, and drive myself home on Erin's scooter.
 

      When I walk inside my house, I see my phone has a text.

But I can't stop trying

      I don't know how to answer him, so I turn my phone off. I pull my clothes out of the bag from Jesse's house to put them away.

       Wait a minute... Where are my panties?